and comforted me. For some minutes I attempted to examine myself, but all was in confusion. One thing seemed pressed upon my mind, but whether from an enemy I could not say. I gave it up to the Lord, and prayed that he would lead me into his will. On Sunday night and Monday, my mind was burthened: I looked and longed for relief in the means afforded me, but was disappointed. On Tuesday afternoon Jesus again drew nigh and comforted me; but this did not continue, and again fear returned. Time seemed to fly fast, and still little was done. I felt a poor trifler with God. On Wednesday I was distressed, fearing many things comfort sprung up in my soul at times, but it did not abide. In the course of some years I have had several attacks of this kind; sometimes much worse indeed. O that my fears may be disappointed, and that the Lord would give me the thing that I long for; the accomplishment of all the promises he has given for extensive usefulness and prosperity of soul. I am much discouraged for want of this; and also, that the attempts I make to do good seem to prove abortive. When, O my God, when shall I have it to say that thou hast fulfilled the desires of my soul, and given me the thing that I looked for?

Such repeated exercises and deliverances tended greatly to qualify Lady Maxwell to give advice, and to administer consolation to others when tempted or distressed. Thus she again addressed her afflicted, desponding friend :

TO LADY H. HOPE.

Coates, December 14, 1784 I had not time to answer my dear daughter's note yesterday, but wish to-day to ask how she does, hearing that many of the family have been complaining. In the New Jerusalem none shall say they are sick; but while here, according to the laws of mortality, we must expect to be often pained and distressed both in body and mind. But O what comfort does it afford us to know that 66 we have not a High Priest that cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities:" on the contrary, in all our afflictions he is afflicted. An earthly friend may and does feel for us, yet often cannot relieve us; Jesus, on the contrary, not only sympathizes with us, but supports, upholds, and comforts us and the very moment that deliverance is proper he gives it. What a strong argument this for entire resignation to every dispensation of providence and grace. O may our hearts at all times sweetly acquiesce in all the holy will of God respecting ourselves and those with whom we stand closely connected! His smile creates our day:

"In darkest shades if Christ appear,
Our dawning is begun."

I have felt a little of this of late tried for some days with severe conflicts, the fiery darts of the enemy were keenly pointed. In these very trying seasons we feel what poor helpless creatures we are: how soon we should be utterly destroyed if left to grapple with our spiritual foes in our own strength. O how precious is a Saviour then! In tender mercy he drew near, rebuked the adversary, and smiled upon me. May he enable us, in every temptation, to look to him and overcome.

My soul strongly breathes after more of his mind and image, and for power to promote his cause and kingdom. I feel but as a babe in him, but do long, night and day, for the strength of a father. O to possess every purchased blessing!

I long also to hear of the prosperity of your soul. You have long walked through a wilderness of trials and temptations. O that he now would bring you into a wealthy place! "Pray without ceasing," and do not faint, though an answer is not speedily given. The Lord will come in his own time, and rebuke the adversary for your sake, and your path shall be as 'the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." I hope you will receive good accounts of your brother. Cast all your care upon God; and believe me ever,

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Your affectionate parent in the Lord,

She thus concludes the year

D. M.

Dec. 31. I have been much drawn to secret prayer to-day, and spent more time in it than usual; avoiding every unnecessary avocation, and even some that were otherwise, in order to give myself wholly to prayer and spiritual exercises. I have found sweetness and inward liberty; though the adversary was very busy, trying every method to intercept me. I do not prove all the power of prayer I wish, but I have certainly felt more of it this last eighteen months than in any former period. I wish to pray without ceasing. I see the necessity of praying always, and not fainting: but I find hope deferred fatigues the mind, and wearies the spirit. Yet I feel, through grace, determined to pray on till I have it to say, not one word has failed of all that the Lord has spoken concerning me. Upon a retrospect of this year, now come to an end, I find I have infinite cause to praise the Lord, much more so than I supposed, when, some days ago, I was consulting only my present feelings. It is melancholy to think how soon a sense of the Lord's goodness dies away from the soul, even after the strongest manifestations of his love. Lord, what is man, that thou shouldst show kindness to him! How ungrateful, insensible, unfaithful, and unprofitable. Yet still thou art good: but thou knowest whereof he is made, and rememberest he is but dust. O, how do I long to feel sovereign grace triumphing over all my weakness, ignorance, unbelief, fear, yea, every thing that is contrary to the will of my God. Since

1

January, 1783, the Father of mercies has several times appeared in my behalf in a remarkable manner: in public, private, and in secret indeed, times without number, but more especially on three different occasions; twice at his own table, and once in secret. What consolation did he pour into my soul! With what communion with himself did he favour me, immediately before I was visited with a severe trial! Words cannot, may silence speak his praise! Some months after that, how wonderfully did he condescend to explain the dispensations of his providence and grace toward me, when they were so mysterious I could not understand them, and had well nigh sunk in the mire of despondency but he took me out of that horrible pit, set my feet upon á rock, and established my goings. Then was I made to ride upon my high places for months, till again, through the power of temptation, the remains of unbelief, and the subtle workings of the adversary of souls, I was driven to extremity. Again Jehovah, who "sits above the water floods, and remaineth King for ever," spoke to my soul with divine power, and the mountains melted down. He condescended to tell me what he was doing, and what he would do, and how much I was mistaking his dealings with me. Amazing goodness! O to be humble and thankful! here again my head was lifted up above my foes, and I was made to triumph over those who threatened to lead me captive. When stretched upon a bed of sickness, O how did my God disappoint my fears, and exceed my expectations! My mind, which on these distressing occasions, used to be painfully languid, and often the seat of inexpressible fears, was refreshed with a sense of the divine presence, and raised above the present affliction: and my lips, which used to be closed in these trying seasons, were opened to speak the praises of Him who dealt so kindly with me. But time would fail to tell of all the instances of the goodness of my God during the last twelve months; and not to me only, but to others also with whom I stand nearly connected; to some by the ties of nature, to others by those of grace. Suffice it to say that he hath done all things well: and that eternity alone can bring to light, or make sufficiently known, all his goodness to me. With my soul, and all that is within me, I desire to bless and magnify his holy

name:

Amen.

"To praise him for all that is past,

And trust him for all that's to come."

CHAPTER XX.-1785.

Diary and correspondence continued.

January 12. Very frequently I have taken up my pen to give expression to my complainings; but now I would indite thanks and praises to my God for his goodness. I entreated him to usher in the year with his blessing, and he has granted my request. He is a God of mercy: blessed are all those who put their trust in him. He gives me to know more and more that he is the Hearer of prayer. On Sabbath last I had an opportunity to renew my covenant engagement to the Lord, by sitting down at his table. While uniting in prayer with the great congregation, the Lord Jesus drew nigh, brought with him unutterable peace, and shed a heavenly serenity throughout my soul: this increased upon sitting down at the sacred table, and continued the whole day. I enjoyed a delightfully spiritual frame wherever I went, and in whatever I was engaged. The Lord filled my hands all day with his work, and my heart with his love. Some hours were spent with the sick, in prayer and conversation, and in ministering to their wants in various ways; and the Lord countenanced those labours of love. My heart, at times, felt almost too full for utterance.

20. Unwell in body, but comfortable in soul. The Lord has increased what he so graciously bestowed on Sunday week. I have had a fuller enjoyment and clearer view of my God and Saviour. It has been almost as one unclouded day, and the cry of my heart is, "Ever, Lord, abide thus with me. I found my mouth opened to tell, before those who fear his name, what he has done for my soul. To-day I have enjoyed many privileges, and endeavoured to let others partake of my enjoyments, by having the gospel preached to them. Many flock to hear; may they understand. The comfort I now enjoy makes me dread severe trials; yet I would not anticipate evil. One, in particular, I have cause to fear; but I leave all to my God, who doth all things well.

28. Still my fellowship is with the Father and the Son. In writing to a Christian friend to-day, on the goodness of God, and on the sweetness of the love of Jesus, my heart seemed too full for utterance. This I also experienced immediately after, when conversing with a Christian. I could not but wonder at this barrenness of expression, when divine love so prevailed in my heart. It convinced me that both the power and the propriety of speech are from God, and are given or withheld as he sees meet. I long for the eloquence of Cicero, for the persuasive powers of Demosthenes, when speaking of the things of God; yet these, without his blessing, would not produce the great and desirable effect at which I aim, his glory, in the con

version of sinners. I must endeavour to be contented with meaner talents, and rest satisfied that even these may and will effect great things, if divine assistance be afforded.

Feb. 13. (Sunday.) My God has been unspeakably gracious all this day. I was strong, trusting in the Lord. My faith in Jesus seemed as a strong cable, fixed to an immovable rock. I walked in the light of a luminous faith, and by his strength and light was carried through difficulties with ease and comfort. I was also privileged with an opportunity of showing forth the death of Jesus; and truly he was with me in his house and by the way. In the afternoon found the company of those that were not alive to God exceedingly irksome. What a blessing it is always to associate with living souls.

March 12. Three weeks have elapsed since my last date; various hinderances have been thrown in the way; but I believe nothing but absolute necessity should prevent my taking notice of God's dealings with me, by committing them to paper; as I find a lively sense of his goodness is too apt to die away from my remembrance. I have not lost what the Lord bestowed on the 9th of January, and the Sunday following; but I do not at present enjoy so much sensible comfort. I seem to have more faith than love, and would gladly hope that the alteration is rather in enjoyment, than in possession. Last Sunday evening, in the chapel, the Lord renewed his goodness to my soul, but it has not proved permanent. I feel this change a great disappointment, as I had hoped the time was come when I should be able to "rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks." I have not relinquished all hopes of its terminating in this mature and permanent experience. I fear lest my unfaithfulness should be the cause of any change for the worse. His grace can triumph over all my weaknesses, ignorance, and unbelief. I am also grieved that no effectual door is yet opened for my more extensive usefulness, according to his promise. Still, I will hope against hope, because he is faithful, and his promises are yea and amen.

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April 1. Again ten days more are expired. How rapidly does time fly-imperceptibly it steals away. How ardently do I desire that my improvement may be in proportion to the constancy and rapidity of its flight. I have still much cause to adore and bless my God, as the Hearer of prayer. O that every fresh proof of his goodness may strengthen my trust for future mercies; and more firmly confirm me in the belief that not one word which he hath spoken concerning me shall fail of its accomplishment. From my deficiency herein, springs much distress; my harp is often hung upon the willows, and then my heart experiences much bitterness. Holy Father, whatever it is that causes these depressions, remove it far hence; and let me every moment dwell in love, and in God, that God may dwell