379

an eastern jungle, among Hindoos and Moors, as in the most polished parts of Europe. The very disposition, which, blessed be my dear Redeemer! he has given me, to be any thing, to do any thing,

stated and occasional, I should be as much surprised at the case of the heathen being omitted in any prayer, as at an omission of the name and merits of Jesus. "Indeed it has been a frequent means of enkind-or endure any thing, so that his name might be gloling my languid devotion, in my private, domestic, and public engagements in prayer. When I have been barren in petitioning for myself, and other things, often have I been sweetly enlarged, when I came to notice the situation of those who were perishing for lack of knowledge.

rified-I say, the disposition itself is heaven begun below. I do feel a daily panting after more devotedness to his service, and I can never think of my suffering Lord, without dissolving into love; love which constrains me to glorify him with my body and spirit, which are his.

"Thus I went on praying, and preaching, and "I do often represent to myself all the possible conversing on the subject, till the time of brother hardships of a mission, arising from my own heart, Carey's ordination at Leicester, May 24, 1791. On the nature of the country, domestic connections, the evening of that day, he read to the ministers a disappointment in my hopes, &c. &c. And then I great part of his manuscript, since published; enti- set over against them all, these two thoughts--I am tled, An Inquiry into the obligations of Christians God's servant, and God is my friend. In this, I anto use means for the conversion of the heathens. This ticipate happiness in the midst of suffering, light in added fresh fuel to my zeal. But to pray and preach darkness, and life in death. Yea, I do not count on the subject, was all I could then think of doing. my life dear unto myself, so that I may win some But when I heard of a proposed meeting at Ketter-poor heathens unto Christ; and I am willing to be ing, Oct. 2, 1792, for the express purpose of consi- offered as a sacrifice, on the service of the faith of dering our duty in regard to the heathens, I could the gospel. not resist my inclination for going; although at that "Mr. Horne justly observes, 'that, in order to time I was not much acquainted with the ministers justify a man's undertaking the work of a missionof the Northamptonshire association. There I got ary, he should be qualified for it, disposed heartily my judgment informed, and my heart increasingly to enter upon it, and free from such ties as exclude interested. I returned home resolved to lay myself an engagement.' As to the first, others must judge out in the cause. The public steps I have taken are for me; but they must not be men who have an intoo well known to need repeating; but my mind be-terest in keeping me at home. I shall rejoice in came now inclined to go among the heathen my- opportunities of attaining to an acquaintance with self. Yet a consideration of my connections with the ideas of judicious and impartial men in this the dear people of God in Birmingham, restrained matter, and with them I must leave it. A willingmy desires, and kept me from naming my wishes ness to embark in this cause I do possess: and I to any body, (as I remember) except to brother Ca- can hardly persuade myself that God has for ten rey. With him I was pretty free. We had an in-years inclined my heart to this work, without havteresting conversation about it just before he left ing any thing for me to do in it. But the third Europe. I shall never forget the manner of his thing requires more consideration; and here alone saying, 'Well, you will come after us.' My heart I hesitate." Here he goes on to state all the objecsaid, Amen! and my eagerness for the work in- tions from this quarter, with his answers to them, creased; though I never talked freely about it, ex- leaving it with his brethren to decide when they cept to my wife, and we both then thought that my had heard the whole. relation to the church in Cannon street, and usefulness there, forbade any such an attempt. However, I have made it a constant matter of prayer, often begging of God, as I did when first I was disposed for the work of the ministry, either that he would take away the desire, or open a door for its fulfilment. And the result has uniformly been, that the more spiritual I have been in the frame of my mind, the more love I have felt for God; and the more communion I have enjoyed with him, so much the more disposed have I been, to engage as a missionary among the heathen.

"Until the accounts came of our brethren's entrance on the work in India, my connections in Europe pretty nearly balanced my desire for going abroad; and though I felt quite devoted to the Lord's will and work, yet I thought the scale rather preponderated on the side of my abiding in my present situation.

"But since our brethren's letters have informed us, that there is such prospects of usefulness in Hindostan-that priests and people are ready to hear the word-and that preachers are a thousand times more wanted, than people to preach to, my heart has been more deeply affected than ever with their condition; and my desires for a participation of the toils and pleasures, crosses and comforts, of which they are the subjects, are advanced to an anxiety which nothing can remove, and time seems to increase.

"It has pleased God also lately to teach me more than ever, that HIMSELF is the fountain of happiness; that likeness to him, friendship for him, and communion with him, form the basis of all true enjoyment; and that this can be attained as well in

The committee, after the most serious and mature deliberation, though they were fully satisfied as to brother Pearce's qualifications, and greatly approved of his spirit, yet were unanimously of opinion that he ought not to go; and that not merely on account of his connections at home, which might have been pleaded in the case of brother Carey, but on account of the mission itself, which required his assistance in the station which he already occupied.

In this opinion, brother Carey himself, with singular disinterestedness of mind, afterwards concurred; and wrote to brother Pearce to the same effect.

On receiving the opinion of the committee, he immediately wrote to Mrs. P. as follows:

Northampton, Nov. 13, 1793.

"MY DEAR SARAH-I am disappointed, but not dismayed. I ever wish to make my Saviour's will my own. I am more satisfied than ever I expected I should be with a negative upon my earnest desires, because the business has been so conducted, that I think, (if by any means such an issue could be insured) the mind of Christ has been obtained. My dear brethren here have treated the affair with as much seriousness and affection as I could possibly desire, and, I think, more than so insignificant a worm could expect. After we had spent the former part of this day in fasting and prayer, with conversation on the subject, till near two o'clock, brother Potts, King, and I retired. We prayed while the committee consulted. The case seemed difficult, and I suppose they were nearly two hours in deciding. At last, time forced them to a point; and their answer I inclose for your satisfaction.

The decision of the committee, though it rendered him much more reconciled to abide in his native country, than he could have been without it; yet did not in the least abate his zeal for the object. As he could not promote it abroad, he seemed resolved to lay himself out more for it at home. In March, 1795, after a dangerous illness, he says, in a letter to Mr. Fuller-Through mercy I am almost in a state of convalescence. May my spared life be wholly devoted to the service of my dear Redeemer. I do not care where I am, whether in England or in India, so I am employed as he would have me; but surely we need pray hard that God would send some more help to Hindostan."

In January, 1796, when he was first informed by the secretary, of a young man, (Mr. Fountain) being desirous of going, of the character that was given of him by our friend Mr. Savage, of London, and of a committee meeting being in contemplation, he wrote thus in answer-"Your letter, just arrived, put-I was going to say, another soul into my little body; at least it has added new life to the soul I have. I cannot be contented with the thought of being absent from your proposed meeting. No, no; I must be there, (for my own sake I mean) and try to sing with you, 'O'er the gloomy hills of darkness.""*

to have been with you: yet I am satisfied that on the whole I was doing best at home."

It has been already observed, that for a month preceding the decision of the committee, he resolved to devote one day in every week to secret prayer and fasting, and to keep a diary of the exercises of his mind during the whole of that period. This diary was not shown to the committee at that time, but merely the preceding narrative. Since his death a few of them have perused it; and have been almost ready to think, that if they had seen it before, they dared not oppose his going. But the Lord hath taken him to himself. It no longer remains a question now, whether he shall labor in England or in India. A few passages, however, from this transcript of his heart, while contemplating a great and disinterested undertaking, will furnish a better idea of his character than could be given by any other hand.

"Oct. 8, 1794. Had some remarkable freedom and affection this morning, both in family and se cret prayer. With many tears I dedicated myself, body and soul, to the service of Jesus; and earnestly implored full satisfaction respecting the path of duty. I feel a growing deadness for all earthly comforts; and derive my happiness immediately from God himself. May I still endure, as Moses did, by seeing him who is invisible !

"Oct. 10. Enjoyed much freedom to-day in the family. Whilst noticing in prayer the state of the millions of heathen who know not God, I felt the aggregate value of their immortal souls with pect

"Afterwards was much struck whilst (on my knees before God in secret) I read the fourth chapter of Micah. The ninth verse I fancied very ap plicable to the church in Cannon street; but what reason is there for such a cry about so insignificant a worm as I am? The third chapter of Habbakuk too well expresses that mixture of solemnity and confidence with which I contemplate the work of the mission.

In August, the same year, having received a let-liar energy. ter from India, he wrote to Mr. Fuller as follows"Brother Carey speaks in such a manner of the effects of the gospel in his neighborhood, as in my view promises a fair illustration of our Lord's parable, when he compared the kingdom of heaven to a little leaven, hid in three measures of meal, which insinuated itself so effectually as to leaven the lump at last. Blessed be God, the leaven is already in the meal. The fermentation is begun; and my hopes were never half so strong as they are now, that the whole shall be effectually leavened. O THAT I WERE THERE TO WITNESS THE DELIGHTFUL PROGRESS! But whither am I running?... I LONG TO WRITE TO YOU FROM HINDOSTAN !"

On receiving other letters from India, in January, 1797, he thus writes:-" Perhaps you are now rejoicing in spirit with me over fresh intelligence from Bengal. This moment have I concluded reading two letters from brother Thomas: one to the Society, and the other to myself. He speaks of others from brother Carey. I hope they are already in your possession. If his correspondence has produced the same effects on your heart as brother Thomas's has on mine, you are filled with gladness and hope. I am grieved that I cannot convey them to you immediately. I long to witness the pleasure their contents will impart to all whose hearts are with us. O that I were accounted worthy of the Lord to preach the gospel to the Booteas!"

Being detained from one of our mission meetings by preparing the Periodical Accounts for the press, he soon after wrote as follows:-"We shall now get out No. IV. very soon. I hope it will go to the press in a very few days. Did you notice, that the very day on which we invited all our friends to a day of prayer on behalf of the mission, (Dec. 28, 1796) was the same in which brother Carey sent his best and most interesting accounts to the Society? I hope you had solemn and sweet seasons at Northampton. On many accounts I should have rejoiced

"Whilst at prayer meeting to-night, I learned more of the meaning of some passages of Scripture than ever before. Suitable frames of soul are like good lights in which a painting appears to its full advantage. I had often meditated on Phil. iii. 7, 8, and Gal. vi. 14; but never felt crucifixion to the world, and disesteem for all that it contains, as at that time. All prospects of pecuniary independence, and growing reputation, with which in unworthier moments I had amused myself, were now chased from my mind; and the desire of living wholly to Christ swallowed up every other thought. Frowns and smiles, fulness or want, honor and reproach, were now equally indifferent; and when I concluded the meeting, my whole soul felt, as it were, going after the lost sheep of Christ among the heathen.

"I do feel a growing satisfaction in the proposal of spending my whole life in something nobler than the locality of this island will admit. I long w raise my Master's banner in climes where the sound of his fame hath but scarcely reached. He bri said, for my encouragement, that all nations shall flow unto it.

"The conduct and success of Stach, Boonish, and other Moravian missionaries in Greenland, both confound and stimulate me. O Lord, forgive my past indolence in thy service, and help me to redeem the residue of my days for exertions more worthy a friend of mankind, and a servant of God.

"Oct. 13. Being taken up with visitors the former part of the day, I spent the after part in application to the Bengal language, and found the dit culties I apprehended vanish as fast as I encounter*The 428th Hymn of Dr. Rippon's Selection, freed them. I read and prayed, prayed and read, quently sung at our committee meetings.

and made no small advances. Blessed be God!

"Oct. 15. There are in Birmingham 50,000 inha- | that paper; and can now say, that I have (allowing bitants; and exclusive of the vicinity, ten ministers for my own fallibility) not one doubt upon the subwho preach the fundamental truths of the gospel.ject. I therefore resolved to close this solemn seaIn Hindostan there are twice as many millions of inhabitants; and not so many gospel preachers. Now Jesus Christ hath commanded his ministers to go into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. Why should we be so disproportionate in our labors? Peculiar circumstances must not be urged against positive commands: I am therefore bound, if others do not go, to make the means more proportionate to the multitude.

"To-night, reading some letters from brother Carey, in which he speaks of his wife's illness when she first came into the country, I endeavored to realize myself not only with a sick, but a dead wife. The thought was like a cold dagger to my heart at first; but on recollection I considered that the same God ruled in India as in Europe; and that he could either preserve her, or support me, as well there as here. My business is only to be where he would have me. Other things I leave to him. Lord, though with timidity, yet I hope not without satisfaction, I look every possible evil in the face, and say, 'Thy will be done.'

son with reading a portion of both Testaments, and earnest prayer to God for my family, my people, the heathen world, the society, and particularly for the success of our dear brethren Thomas and Carey, and his blessing, presence, and grace to be ever my guide and glory. Accordingly, I read the 49th chapter of Isaiah; and with what sweetness! 1 never read a chapter in private with such feelings, since I have been in the ininistry. The 8, 9, 10, 20 and 21 verses I thought remarkably suitable.

"Read also part of the epistle to the Ephesians, and the first chapter to the Philippians. O that for me to live may be Christ alone! Blessed be my dear Saviour, in prayer I have had such fellowship with him, as would warm me in Greenland, comfort me in New Zealand, and rejoice me in the valley of the shadow of death!

Sure

"Oct. 18. I dreamed that I saw one of the ChrisOtian Hindoos. O how I loved him! I long to realize my dream. How pleasant will it be to sit down at the Lord's table with our black brethren, and hear Jesus preached in their language. ly then will come to pass the saying that is written, "In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free, all are ONE in him.' "Have been happy to-day in completing the manuscript of Periodical Accounts, No. I. Any thing relative to the salvation of the heathen, brings a certain pleasure with it. I find I cannot pray, nor converse, nor read, nor study, nor preach with satisfaction, without reference to this subject.

"Oct. 17. This is the first day I have set apart for extraordinary devotion in relation to my present exercise of mind. Rose earlier than usual, and began the day in prayer that God would be with me in every part of it, and grant that the end I have in view, may be clearly ascertained—the knowledge of his will.

Considering the importance of the work before me, I began at the foundation of all religion, and reviewed the grounds on which I stood; the being 1 of a God, the relation of mankind to him, with the divine inspiration of the Scriptures; and the review afforded me great satisfaction. I also compared the different religions which claimed divine origin, and found little difficulty in determining which had most internal evidence of its divinity. I attentively read, and seriously considered Doddridge's three excellent sermons on the evidences of the Christian religion, which was followed by such conviction, that I had hardly patience to conclude the book before I fell on my knees before God to bless him for such a religion, established on such a basis; and I have received more solid satisfaction this day upon the subject than ever I did before.

"Oct. 20. Was a little discouraged on reading Mr. Zeigenbald's conferences with the Malabarians, till I recollected, what ought to be ever present to my mind, in brother Carey's words-The work is God's.

"In the evening I found some little difficulty with the language; but considering how merchants and captains overcome this difficulty for the sake of wealth, I sat confounded before the Lord that I should ever have indulged such a thought; and looking up to him, I set about it with cheerfulness, and found that I was making a sensible advance, although I can never apply till 11 o'clock at night, on account of my other duties.*

"Preached from 2 Kings, iv. 26. 'It is well.' Was much enlarged both in thought and expresI also considered, since the gospel is true, since sion. Whilst speaking of the satisfaction enjoyed Christ is the head of the church, and his will is the by a truly pious mind, when it feels itself in all cirlaw of all his followers, what are the obligations of cumstances and times in the hand of a good God, his servants in respect of the enlargement of his I felt, that were the universe destroyed, and I the kingdom. I here referred to our Lord's commis-only being in it, beside God, HE is fully adequate to sion, which I could not but consider as universal in my complete happiness; and had I been in an Afriits object, and permanent in its obligations. I read can wood, surrounded with venomous serpents, debrother Carey's remarks upon it-and as the com-vouring beasts, and savage men, in such a frame, I mand has never been repealed; as there are millions of beings in the world on whom the command may be exercised; as I can produce no counter revelation; and as I lie under no natural impossibilities of performing it, I concluded that I, as a servant of Christ, was bound by this law.

"I took the narrative of my experience, and statement of my views on the subject in my hand, and bowing down before God, I earnestly besought an impartial and an enlightened spirit. I then perused

* There is a wide difference between admitting these principles in theory, and making use of them. David might have worn Saul's accoutrements at a parade: but in meeting Goliath he must go forth in an armor that had been tried. A mariner may sit in his cabin at his ease while the ship is in harbor; but ere he undertakes a voyage he must examine its soundness, and whether it will endure the storms which may overtake

should be the subject of perfect peace and exalted joy. Yes, O my God, thou hast taught me that THOU alone art worthy of my confidence; and with this sentiment fixed in my heart, I am free from all solicitude about any temporal prospects or concerns. If thy presence be enjoyed, poverty shall be riches, darkness light, affliction prosperity, reproach

"Night studies, often continued till two or three o'clock in the morning, it is to be feared, were the first occasion of impairing Mr. Pearce's health, and brought on that train of nervous sensations with which he was afterwards afflicted. Though not much accustomed to converse on this subject, he once acknowledged to a brother in the ministry, that owing to his enervated state, he sometimes dreaded the approach of public services to such a degree, that he would rather have submitted to stripes than engage in them; and that while in the pulpit, he was frequently dis tressed with the apprehension of falling over it.

my honor, and fatigue my rest: and thou hast said, | chapters of Isaiah, and prayer for the church of My presence shall go with thee.' Enough, Lord, I ask for nothing more.

"But how sad the proofs of our depravity; and how insecure the best frames we enjoy! Returning home, a wicked expression from a person who passed me caught my ear, and occurred so often to my thoughts for some minutes, as to bring guilt upon my mind, and overwhelm me with shame before God. But I appealed to God for my hatred of all such things, secretly confessed the sin of my heart, and again ventured to the mercy-seat. On such occasions, how precious a Mediator is to the

soul.

God at large, my own congregation, the heathens, the society, brethren Thomas and Carey, all mis sionaries whom God hath sent of every denomina tion, my own case, my wife and family, and for assistance in my work.

"The after part of this day has been gloomy indeed. All the painful circumstances which can attend my going have met upon my heart, and formed a load almost insupportable. A number of things, which have been some time accumulating, have united their pressure, and made me groan, being burdened. Whilst at a prayer meeting I looked round on my Christian friends, and said to myself, A few months more, and probably I shall leave you all! But in the deepest of my gloom, I resolved though faint yet to pursue, not doubting but my Lord would give me strength equal to the day.

"Oct. 22. I did not for the former part of the day feel my wonted ardor for the work of a missionary; but rather an inclination to consult flesh and blood, and look at the worst side of things. I did so; but when on my knees before God in prayer about it, I "I had scarcely formed this resolution before it first considered that my judgment was still equally occurred, My Lord and Master was a man of sor satisfied, and my conscience so convinced, that I rows. Oppressed, and covered with blood, he cried, durst not relinquish the work for a thousand worlds. If it be possible, let this cup pass from me.' Yet And then I thought that this dull frame had not in the depth of his agonies, he added, 'Thy will be been without its use: as I was now fully convinced, done.' This thought was to me what the sight of that my desires to go did not arise from any fluctua- the cross was to Bunyan's pilgrim; I lost my bur tion of inconstant passions, but the settled convic-den. Spent the remainder of the meeting in sweet tions of my judgment. I therefore renewed my communion with God. Vows unto the Lord, that let what difficulties soever be in the way, I would (provided the society approved) surmount them all. I felt a kind of unutterable satisfaction of mind, in my resolution of leaving the decision in the hands of my brethren. May God rightly dispose their hearts! I have no doubt but he will.

"Oct. 23. Have found a little time to apply to the Bengalee language. How pleasant it is to work for God! Love transforms thorns to roses, and makes pain itself a pleasure. I never sat down to any study with such peculiar and continued satisfaction. The thought of exalting the Redeemer in this language, is a spur to my application paramount to every discouragement for want of a living tutor. I have passed this day with an abiding satisfaction respecting my present views.

"Oct. 24. O for the enlightening, enlivening, and sanctifying presence of God to-day! It is the second of those days of extraordinary devotion which I have set apart for seeking God, in relation to the mission. How shall I spend it? I will devote the morning to prayer, reading, and meditation; and the afternoon to visiting the wretched, and relieving the needy. May God accept my services, guide me by his counsel, and employ me for his praise!

"But on coming home, the sight of Mrs. P. replaced my load. She had for some time been much discouraged at the thoughts of going. I therefore felt reluctant to say any thing on this subject, thinking it would be unpleasant to her: but though! strove to conceal it, an involuntary sigh betrayed my uneasiness. She kindly inquired the cause. I avoided at first an explanation, till she, guessing the reason, said to this effect-'I hope you will be no more uneasy on my account. For the last two or three days, I have been more comfortable than ever in the thought of going. I have considered the steps you are pursuing to know the mind of God, and I think you cannot take more proper ones. When you consult the ministers, you should repre sent your obstacles as strongly as your inducements; and then, if they advise your going, though the parting from my friends will be almost insupporta ble, yet I will make myself as happy as I can, God can make me happy any where.'

and

"Should this little diary fall into the hands of a man having the soul of a missionary, circumstanced as I am, he will be the only man capable of sharing my peace, my joy, my gratitude, my rapture of soul. Thus at evening tide it is light; thus God brings his people through fire and through water into a wealthy place; thus those who ask do receive, and their joy is full. O love the Lord, ye his saints: there is no want to them that fear him!

"Having besought the Lord that he would not suffer me to deceive myself in so important a matter as that which I had now retired to consider, and exercised some confidence that he would be the re- "Oct. 26. Had much enlargement this morning warder of those who diligently seek him, I read whilst speaking on the nature, extent and influence the 119th Psalm at the conclusion of my prayer, of divine love; what designs it formed—with wha and felt and wondered at the congruity of so many energy it acted-with what perseverance it pursued of the verses to the breathings of my own heart. its object-what obstacles it surmounted-what dif Often, with holy admiration, I paused, and read, ficulties it conquered-and what sweetness it in and thought, and prayed over the verse again, espe- parted under the heaviest loads, and severest trials! cially verses 20, 31, 59, 60, 112, 145, 146. My soul Almost through the day I enjoyed a very desirable breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judg-frame, and on coming home, my wife and I had ments at all times. I have stuck unto thy testimonies, O Lord, put me not to shame.'

"Most of the morning I spent in seriously reading Mr. Horne's Letters on Missions, having first begged of the Lord to make the perusal profitable to my instruction in the path of duty. To the interrogation, 'Which of you will forsake all, deny himself, take up his cross, and, if God pleases, die for his religion?' I replied spontaneously, Blessed be God, I am willing! Lord, help me to accomplish it!

"Closed this season with reading the 61st and 62nd

some conversation on the subject of my going She said, though in general the thought was painful, yet there were some seasons when she had no pre ference, but felt herself disposed to go or stay, as the Lord should direct.

"This day wrote to brother Fuller, briefly stating my desires, requesting his advice, and proposing 3 meeting of the committee on the business. I feel great satisfaction arising from my leaving the mat ter to the determination of my honored brethren, and to God through them.

"Oct. 27. To-day I send a packet to our brethren

in India. I could not forbear telling brother Carey | all my feelings, views, and expectations: but without saying I should be entirely governed by the opinion of the society.

"Oct. 28. Still panting to preach Jesus among my fellow sinners to whom he is yet unknown. Wrote to Dr. Rogers, of Philadelphia, to-day, upon the subject, with freedom and warmth; and inquired whether, whilst the people of the United States were forming societies to encourage arts, liberty and emigration, there could not a few be found among them who would form a society for the transmission of the word of life to the benighted heathens; or in case that could not be, whether they might not strengthen our hands in Europe, by some benevolent proofs of concurring with us in a design, which they speak of with such approbation? With this I sent Horne's Letters. I will follow both with my prayers, and who can tell?

where he pleased. My faith lifted me above the world, and removed all those mountains which I could not look over of late. I thought I wanted not the favor of man to lean upon; for I knew God's favor was infinitely better, and that it was no matter where or when or how Christ should send me, nor with what trials he should still exercise me, it I might be prepared for his work and will.' "Read the ii. iii. iv. v. and vi. chapters of the second epistle to the Corinthians. Felt a kind of placidity, but not much joy. On beginning the concluding prayer, I had no strength to wrestle, nor power with God at all. I seemed as one desolate and forsaken. I prayed for myself, the society, the missionaries, the converted Hindoos, the church in Cannon street, my family, and ministry; but yet all was dulness, and I feared I had offended the Lord. I felt but little zeal for the mission, and was about to conclude with a lamentation over the hardness of my heart; when of a sudden it pleased God to smite the rock with the rod of his Spirit, and immediately the waters began to flow. what a heavenly, glorious, melting power was it! My eyes, almost closed with weeping, hardly suffer me to write. I feel it over again. O what a view of the love of a crucified Redeemer did I enjoy! the atgiant refreshed with new wine, as to my animation; like Mary at the Master's feet, weeping for tenderness of soul; like a little child, for submission tó my heavenly Father's will; and like Paul, for a victory over all self-love, and creature love, and fear of man, when these things stand in the way of my duty. The interest that Christ took in the redemption of the heathen, the situation of our brethren in Bengal, the worth of the soul, and the plain command of Jesus Christ, together with an irresistible drawing of soul, which by far exceeded any thing I ever felt before, and is impossible to be described to, or conceived of by those who have never experienced it; all compelled me to vow that I would, by his leave, serve him among the heathen. The Bible lying open before me, (upon my knees) many passages caught my eye and confirmed the purposes of my heart. If ever in my life I knew any thing of the influences of the Holy Spirit, I did at this time. I was swallowed up in God. Hunger, fulness, cold, heat, friends, and enemies, all seemed nothing before God. I was in a new world. All was delightful; for Christ was all, and in all. Many "I then read over the narrative of my experience, times I concluded prayer, but when rising from my and my journal. I find my views are still the same; knees, communion with God was so desirable, that but my heart is much more established than when II was sweetly drawn to it again and again, till my began to write. animal strength was almost exhausted. thought it would be pleasure to burn for God. "And now while I write, such a heavenly sweet

"Oct. 29. Looked over the code of Hindoo Laws to-day. How much is there to admire in it, founded on the principles of justice. The most salutary regulations are adopted in many circumstances. But what a pity that so much excellence should be abased by laws to establish or countenance idolatry, magic, prostitution, prayers for the dead, false witnessing, theft and suicide. How perfect is the mo-tractions of his cross, how powerful! I was as a rality of the gospel of Jesus; and how desirable that they should embrace it! Ought not means to be used? Can we assist them too soon? There is reason to think that their Shasters were penned about the beginning of the Kollee Jogue, which must be soon after the deluge: and are not 4000 years long enough for 100 millions of men to be under the empire of the devil?

"Oct. 31. I am encouraged to enter upon this day (which I set apart for supplicating God) by a recollection of the promises to those who seek him. If the sacred word be true, the servants of God can never seek his face in vain; and as I am conscious of my sincerity and earnest desire only to know his pleasure that I may perform it, I find a degree of confidence that I shall realize the fulfilment of the word on which he causeth me to hope.

"Began the day with solemn prayer for the assistance of the Holy Spirit in my present exercise, that so I might enjoy the spirit and power of prayer, and have my personal religion improved, as well as my public steps directed. In this duty I found a little quickening.

Then I

"Was much struck in reading Paul's words in 2 Cor. i. 17, when after speaking of his purpose to travel for the preaching of the gospel, he saith, 'Didness fills my soul, that no exterior circumstances I then use lightness when I was thus minded? Or the things that I purpose, do I purpose according to the flesh, that with me there should be yea, yea— nay, nay? The piety of the apostle in not purposing after the flesh, the seriousness of spirit with which he formed his designs, and his steadfast adherence to them, were in my view worthy of the highest admiration and strictest imitation.

Thinking that I might get some assistance from David Brainerd's experience, I read his life to the time of his being appointed a missionary among the Indians. The exalted devotion of that dear man almost made me question mine. Yet at some seasons he speaks of sinking as well as rising. His singular piety excepted, his feelings, prayers, desires, comforts, hopes, and sorrows, are my own; and if I could follow him in nothing else, I knew had been enabled to say this with him, 'I feel exceedingly calm, and quite resigned to God respect ing my future improvement (or station) when and

can remove it; and I do uniformly feel, that the more I am thus, the more I pant for the service of my blessed Jesus among the heathen. Yes, my dear, my dying Lord, I am thine, thy servant; and if I neglect the service of so good a master, I may well expect a guilty conscience in life, and a death awful as that of Judas or of Spira!

"This evening I had a meeting with my friends. Returned much dejected. Reviewed a letter from brother Fuller, which, though he says he has many objections to my going, yet is so affectionately expressed as to yield me a gratification.

"Nov. 3. This evening, received a letter from brother Ryland, containing many objections: but contradiction itself is pleasant when it is the voice of judgment mingled with affection. I wish to remember that I may be mistaken, though I cannot say I am at present convinced that it is so. I am happy to find that brother Ryland approves of my refering it to the committee. I have much confidence