Defipit, extentat nervos, torquetur, anhelat, i. e. By the Disease compell'd, fo we see fome, As they were Thunder-ftruck, fall, groan, and foam, Tremble, stretch, writhe, breathe short, until at length In various Strugglings they exhauft their Strength. Or wounded in the Head, when we hear them groan, and fetch deep Sobs, though we gather from thence, and by certain Motions of their Bodies, fome Signs, by which it seems as if they had ftill fome Remains of Knowledge; I have always believed, I fay, both the Body and the Soul to be in a lethargic Sleep, Vivit et eft vita nefcius ipfe fuæ ®. i. e. He lives, but knows it not. And could not think, that, in fo great a Stupefaction of the Members, and fo confiderable a Defection of the Senfes, the Soul could maintain any Force within to confider its Condition; and that therefore Perfons in fuch a Situation made no Reflections that were capable of tormenting them, and making them fenfible of their miferable State, and confequently they were not much to be lamented. I can, for my Part, think of no Condition fo infupportable and dreadful as to have the Soul in its Vigour, and afflicted, without Power to declare itself, as one would say of those who are sent to the Place of Execution after their Tongues were cut out, (were it not that, in this kind of Death, the most dumb seems to be the most decent, if it be accompanied with a grave and fteady Countenance) and of thofe wretched Prifoners who fall into the Hands of the base bloody Soldiers of this Age, by whom they are tormented with all kinds of cruel Treatment for compelling them to fome exceffive Ranfom, which they are not able to pay, and, at the fame Time, are kept in fuch a Condition and Place, where they have no Means of expreffing Lucret. lib. iii. v. 488, f, Ovid. Trift. lib. i. El. 3. v. 12. preffing and fignifying their Thoughts and their Mifery. The Poets have feigned certain Gods that favour the Deliverance of fuch as thus languished to Death. bunc ego Diti Sacrum juffa fero, teque ifto corpore folvo". I, by Command, offer to Pluto this, And as to the fhort and inconnected Words and Anfwers which are fometimes forced from them by the Dint of bawling in their Ears, and raving at them; or certain Motions which they make, feeming to imply fome Regard to what we defire of them; this is, nevertheless, no Teftimony that they are perfectly alive. Thus, when a fleepy Fit is coming upon us, before it has fully poffeffed us, we perceive, as in a Dream, what is done near us, and give a perplexed and uncertain Hearing to the laft Things faid, which feems but to touch upon the Borders of the Soul; and we make fuch Anfwers to the last Words spoken to us as have more of Fortune in them than any Meaning. Now, feeing I have actually experienced this, I make no Doubt but I have hitherto formed a right Judgment: For, firft, being in a perfect Swoon, I fumbled to open my Doublet with my Nails, for I was, as it were, without Arms; and yet, I know, I felt nothing in my Imagina tion that hurt me; for we have many Motions in us that do not proceed from our Direction. Semianimefque micant digiti, ferrumque retra&tant 1. i. e. And half-dead Fingers grope about and feel, So People, when falling, ftretch out their Arms by a natural Impulfe; and to this it is owing, that our Members are prone to certain Offices and Agitations in which our Reafon has no Share. Virg. Æneid. lib.iv. v. 702. Falciferos Æneid. lib. x. v: 396. ↑ Falciferos memorant currus abfcindere membra Ut tremere in terrâ videatur ab artubus, id quod i. e. So Chariots arm'd with keen Scythes around, My Stomach was fo oppreffed with the coagulated Blood, that my Hands moved to that Part of their own Accord, as we frequently find they often do to the Part that itches, without being directed by our Will. There are feveral Animals, and even Men, in whom we perceive the Muscles to stir and tremble after they are dead. Every one knows, by Experience, that there are certain Members which often have a Titillation, Erection, and Declination without his Leave. Now thefe Paffions, which only touch us Skin deep, cannot be faid to be ours; to make them fo, the whole Man must be engaged in it, and the Pains which the Foot or Hand fuffers while we are afleep, are none of ours, As I drew near my own House, to which the Alarm of my Fall had already spread, and being met by my Family with the Lamentations cuftomary upon fuch Accidents, I did not only make fome Anfwer to the Queftions that were afked me, but they, moreover, tell me, that I had so much Thought as to order, that a Horfe which I faw trip and faul ter in the Road which is hilly and rugged, fhould be given to my Wife. One would think fuch a Confideration muft proceed from a Soul that was awakened; but that was not the Cafe with me: 'Twas a vain airy Thought, ftirred up by the Perception of the Eyes and Ears, and proceeded not from me. I knew not, for all that, from whence I came, nor whither I was going, nor was I capable of weighing or confidering what was faid to me. These were but flight Effects which the Senfes produced of themfelves, as by Lucret, lib, iii, v. 642, -644, &c. mere Book II. mere Habit. What the Soul contributed to them was in a Dream lightly touched, licked, and bedewed by the faint Impreffion of the Senfes. Notwithstanding this, my Condition was, indeed, wery eafy and quiet; I had no Affliction upon me, either for others, or myself: It was a Languishment, and an extreme Weaknefs, without any manner of Pain. I faw my Family, but did not know them. When I was put to Bed, I found an inexpreffible Sweetness in that Repofe, for I had been miferably pulled and tugged by thofe poor Fellows who had taken the Pains to carry me in their Arms in a long and very bad Way, fo that they were quite tired out two or three Times one after another. They offered me feveral Remedies, but I would take none, for I verily believed I was mortally hurt in my Head; and,' in Truth, it had been a very happy Death, for the Weakness of my Reason deprived me of the Power of difcerning, as did that of my Body of the Senfe of Feeling. I fuffered myfelf to glide away fo fweetly, and after a manner fo foft and eafy, that I scarce know of any other Action lefs troublesome than that was. When I came to revive, and to recover my Strength, Ut tandem fenfus convaluere mei '. i. e. As my loft Senfes did again return. which was in about two or three Hours after, I felt myself, all at once, racked with Pains, having had my Limbs all bruifed and battered by my Fall; and was fo ill for two or three Nights after, that I thought I should die again, but that it would be a Death more painful; and to this Hour I am fenfible of the Bruifes of that terrible Shock, I will not here omit, that the last Thing which I could recover was the Remembrance of this Accident; and they were fain to repeat to me, over and over again, whither I was going, from whence I was come, and at what Time of Day this Mifchance happened to me, before I could apprehend it. As to the manner of my Fall, that was concealed from me for the Sake of him who had been the Cause of it, and they had Recourse to Ovid. Trift. lib. i. Eleg. 3. v, 14. Fiction Fiction for hiding the Truth. But a long Time after, and the very next Day that my Memory began to return, and to reprefent to me the State that I was in at the very Inftant that I perceived the Horfe coming full drive upon me, (for I faw him at my Heels, and gave myself over for a dead Man, though the Thought was fo fudden that Fear had no Time to intervene) it seemed to me like a Flash of Lightning that had pierced through my Soul, and that I was returned from the other World. This Story of an Accident fo infignificant to the World would be Vanity in me to relate, were it not Man is a good for the Inftruction I have gained by it for my Leon to himown Ufe; for I do really find, that, to make felf. Death familiar to us, there needs nothing more than to be on the Borders of it. Every one, fays Pliny, is a very ' good Leffon to himself, provided he be capable of looking narrowly into himfelf.' This is not my Doctrine, 'tis my Study; nor is it the Leffon of another, but my own; and yet it ought not to be ill taken if I communicate it. What is of Service to me, may alfo, by Accident, be of Service to another. As to the reft, I make Use of nothing but my own; and if I play the Fool, 'tis at my own Expence, and no-body elfe is concerned in it; for 'tis a kind of Folly that will die with me, and is not to be entailed. We hear but of two or three Ancients who have beaten this Road; and yet we cannot fay whether they did it exactly like this, as we only know their Names: No Man fince has gone in their Track; 'tis a ticklish Subject, and more than it feems to be to follow fo rambling a Path as that of the Mind, to penetrate the dark Profundities of its intricate Windings, to chufe and lay hold of the many minute Quavers of its Agitations: And 'tis a new and extraordinary Amusement that takes us off from the common, yea, and the most commendable Employments of the World. 'Tis now many Years that my Thoughts have had no other Point of View but myfelf, and that I have only examined and ftudied myself: And if I ftudy any Thing elfe, 'tis fuddenly to lay it upon, or rather m As Archilochus and Alceus among the Greeks, and Lucilius among the Romans. |