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Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck
Page. vater as de Englishman Scurvy jack-dog Shal. Adieu, good master doctor. priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.
Slen. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, & SLENDER. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Host. Let him die : but, first, sheath thy im
Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper- | patience; throw cold water on thy choler: go de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will
Host. And I will provoke him to'l, or let him bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a Fag.
farm-house, a-feasting: and thou shalt woo her: Caius. Me tank you for dat.
Cry'd game, said I well? Host. And moreover, bully,—but first, master Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavalero Slender, love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, go you through the town to Frogmore.
de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my
[Aside to them. patients. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
Host. For the which I will be thy adversary Host. He is there: see what humour he is in ; towards Anne Page; said I well ? and I will bring the doctor about by the fields : Caius. By gar, 'tis good ; vell said. will it do well?
Host. Let us wag, then. Shal. We will do it.
Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. (Exeunt.
Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Enter Page, SHALLow, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson?
Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day?
Eva. There is reasons and causes for it.
Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson?
Eva. Fery well : What is it?
Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw.
Shal. I have lived fourscore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Eva. What is he?
Page. I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
I see you
Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I Caius. Ha; do I perceive dat? have you makehad as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. a de sot of us? ha, ha! Page. Why?
Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingEva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates stog. I desire you that we may be friends, and and Galen,--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly | let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on knave, as you would desire to be acquainted withal. this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the
Page. I warrant you he's the man should fight Host of the Garter. with him.
Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to Slen. O, sweet Anne Page!
bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive Shal. It appears so, by his weapons :-Keep me too. them asunder ;-here comes Doctor Caius.
Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles :- Pray
[Exeunt. Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SCENE II.- The Street in Windsor.
Enter Mistress Page and Robin. let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant ; English.
you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit leader : Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? or eye your master's heels ?
Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de jack-dog, a man, than follow him like a dwarf. john-ape.
Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to
'll be a courtier. other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :-)
Enter Ford. will knog your urinals about your knave's cogs- Ford. Well met, Mistress Page: Whither go comb, for missing your meetings and appoint- you? ments.
Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is Caius. Diable ! -Jack Rugby,—mine Host de she at home? Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, have I not, at de place I did appoint?
for want of company : I think, if your husbands Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, were dead, you two would marry. this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,--two other husmine Host of the Garter.
bands. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? and Welch; soul-curer and body-curer.
Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his Caius. Ay, dat is very good ! excellent! name is my husband had him of: What do you
Host. Peace, I say; hear mine Host of the call your knight's name, sirrah? Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Machiavel ? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives Ford. Sir John Falstaff! me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on 's name. parson? my priest? my Sir Hugh? no; he gives — There is such a league between my good man me the proverbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy and he !-Is your wife at home, indeed ? hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celes- Ford. Indeed, she is. tial; so.—Boys of art, I have deceived you Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;~I am sick till both; I have directed you to wrong places : your
I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. PagE and Robin. hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath to pawn :-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter follow, follow.
twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointShal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentle- blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inmen, follow.
clination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: Slen. O, sweet Anne Page!
and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy [Exeunt Shallow, SLENDER, PAGE, with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the and Host.
wind !-and Falstaff's boy with her!—Good plots!
—they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mrs. Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there : I will go.
SCENE III.-A Room in Ford's house.
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert !
Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly! Is the buckbasket
Mrs. Ford. I warrant :- What, Robin, I say.
Enter Servants, with a basket.
Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief.
Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and, when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders : that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side.
Mrs. Page. You will do it?
Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction : Begone, and come when you are called.
[Exeunt SERVANTS. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin.
Enter Page, Shallow, SLENDER, Host, Sir
Hugh Evans, Caius, and Rugby.
Well met, Master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you,
with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford.
Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I 'll speak of.
Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page.
Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you :—but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.
Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.
Host. What say you to young Master Fenton! he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 't is in his buttons; he will carry't.
Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having : he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance : if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner; besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will shew you a monster.—Master doctor, you shall go;—so shall you, Master Page ;-and you, Sir Hugh.
Shal. Well, fare you well :—we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page's.
[Exeunt Shallow and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.
[Exit Rugby. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
Enter Robin. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you?
Rob. My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford; and requests your company.
Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us?
Rob. Aye, I'll be sworn : My master knows not of your being here ; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he 'll turn me away.
Mrs. Page. Thou’rt a good boy; this secresy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.—I 'll go hide me.
Mrs. Ford. Do so :-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
[Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it,
[Exit Mrs Page. Mrs. Ford. Go then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion ;we'll teach him to know turtles from jays.
gait, in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not: nature is thy friend : Come, thou canst not hide it.
Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there is no such thing
Enter Falstaff. Fal. “ Have I caught” thee, “my heavenly jewel?” Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition : O, this blessed hour !
Mrs. Ford. O, sweet Sir John !
Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady.
Mrs. Ford. I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady.
Fal. Let the court of France shew me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond : thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.
Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, Sir John : my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither.
Pal. Thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy
Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple-time; I cannot : but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.
Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear you love Mistress Page.
Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate ; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a limekiln.
Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it.
Fal. Keep in that mind; I 'll deserve it.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.
Rob. [within.] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford!