Cau. No, no.

Das. [Aside.] Upon my honour, I beg pardon-you see, sir, the duchess was dealing, and Mrs. Swagger was punting. "Oh oh!" cries Mrs. Swagger, "that was very neatly done.". "What do you mean?" says the duchess-“ Only, madam, I saw you slip a card.” -"Dam'me," says the duchess

Cau. Says the duke.

Das. Says the duchess.

Cau. No, no! "Dam'me," says the duke.

Das. Psha! the duchess, I tell you. It's her way. Cau. Her way! O lud!

66

Das. Where was I? Oh, "Dam'me," says the duchess, but you turn out of my house."-" And curse me," cries little Miss Swagger (a sweet amiable little creature of about fourteen)," if we stay here to be swindled."-Words got high, and oaths flew about like rouleaus; but, as they had pluck'd me of my last feather, I got up, and, in imitation of my betters, twang'd off a few dam'mes, and retired. [Retires up.

Cau. The world's at an end-all is sophisticated!-nothing bears even its right name-whoredom is gallantry; swindling, running out; female debauchery, a faux-pas. The murdering duellist has a nice sense of honour; the cuckold-maker is a dear delicious devil; and the cuckold the best-humoured creature in the world.

Das. Well said, old one!-you've some nous about you.

Cau. Foul-tongued blockhead !

Tan. [Without, L.] Tell Counsellor Endless, I'll be in court presently.

Cau. I think I know that voice.

Lady S. [Tenderly]. So do I_[Aside].—'Tis your darling nephew, your adopted, Tangent-I saw him come out of a chaise with two barristers.

Cau. Psha! barristers! you forget he is in the army. Lady S. May'nt I trust my eyes?

Cau. Why, at fifty-nine, cousin, eyes are not always to be trusted. Pray, Mr. Dashall, do you know this nephew of mine?

Das. Oh, yes; but he associates with authors and wits, quite out of our set-we in the city don't vote them gentlemen-you'll never find no wit at my table, I'll

take care of that.-But you expect company, and so I'll be off to my friend Allspice's. [Crosses to L.] By the way, I hear his daughter will touch to the tune of thirty thousand pounds.

Cau. (c.) Very likely but I don t know any good it

will do her.

Das. Not do good! I beg pardon. Riches give wit, elegance.

Čau. Do they? I'm sorry you're so poor.

Das. Eh! what! Oh, neat enough! and what do you say riches give, queer one?

Cau. Generally, vulgar impertinence.

Das. I congratulate you on being so rich, ha, ha! rat me! but at last I've said a good one.-Lady Sorrel, your devoted. Good bye, queer one!-What a superlative gig it is!

Cau. Was that not my nephew's voice?

Enter TANGENt, l.

Sir, your most obedient!

[Exit, L.

Tan. Ah, my dear uncle! who could have expected to have seen you in this part of the world?

Cau. (c.) This part of the world? why, 'tis the town I live in, is it not? and have not you come on purpose to visit me ?

/Tan. True, uncle; I was

Cau. At your old tricks, castle-building. Fancying yourself Tippoo Saib, I warrant, or emperor of all the Russias.

Tan. No, no, you wrong me-Ah, Lady Sorrel! how could you leave town, where you were the ton?

Cau. [Mimicking.] The ton, ha, ha! Then I suppose grandmothers are the ton?

Tan. You have hit it, uncle [Aside to Caustic.]—I never saw you look so well. [To Lady Sorrel.

Lady S. (R.) Dear sir, you flatter.

Cau. He does, he does. Come, sir, no more of that. Age is respectable, and you ought to be above making a jest of an old woman.

Lady S. Mr. Caustic, your behaviour is intolerable. Mr. Tangent, do you dine with us?

Tan. Nothing can afford me greater felicity.

Can. Than to dine with an old woman.-Nonsense!

go home, cousin, go home.

[Crosses to R.

Lady S. Brute! [Crosses to L.] Mr. Tangent, good morning. Sweet, elegant youth! how my heart doats on him. [Exit, L.

Cau. Frank, leave that cursed trick, that

Tan. I know what you mean-I believe I used to indulge in little flights of fancy.

Cau. You did, indeed.

Tan. Ah! that's all over. My life passes in a dull consistent uniformity.

Cau. I'm glad on't. Well, how goes on the regiment? Tan. The regiment? Oh, I've left the army.

Cau. Oh! you've left the army? [Imitating.] And why, sir?

Tan. I don't know-I imagine I was tired of the routine, field-days, parade, mess-dinners, and so

Cau. And so what, sir?

Tan. I determined to adhere to the law. Cau. I've no patience with your folly. But, sir, are you sure the law has brought you here? Is it not some ridiculous love affair, some jilting tit from Exeter ?

Tan. [Aside.] I'll humour his dislike to the sexwomen! Gewgaws for boys and dotards.

Cau. True. He has a fine understanding.
Tan. What are they all?

Cau. Ay, what are they all?

[Aside.

Tan. The best of them are virtuously vicious, and im

pertinently condescending.

Cau. He's a fine youth!-Go on.

Tan. All a contradiction.

Cau. True, Frank; Pope himself says so-
"Woman's at best a contradiction still;

then he goes on

"A fop their passion, and their prize, a sot."

Tan. "Alive, ridiculous; and dead, forgot."-Sir, I've the whole epistle by heart.

Cau. Have you? Come to my arms. Now stick to this and the law, and my whole fortune is your own— when I die.

Tan. And in the meantime I'll thank you for a thousand pounds.

What

Cau. Thank me! I dare say you will. A thousand pounds! But how is it to be employed? fashionable scheme?

Tan. A very unfashionable one, uncle-in paying my debts.

Cau. (c.) You know, Frank, you once disgraced yourself, and deeply offended me, by borrowing money of M'Query, a knavish money-lender. If your debts are of that description, you become my antipathy, my detestation.

Tan. On my honour, no.

Cau. Well, then, as I can better afford to lose it than an honest creditor, I'll give it you on conditions-first, that you adhere to the law.

Tan. Granted.

Cau. Secondly, that you leave that hair-brained folly, which makes me mad,-that castle-building.

Tan. Oh! granted.

Cau. And, lastly, that this thousand shall be the sum total of your extravagance.

Tan. With all my heart-And here's my hand.

Cau. But, Frank, what say you to 30,000l. down on the nail?

Tan. I say, sir, that no particular objection to it strikes me at present.

Cau. Then I'll tell you--Here's a will, by which it is supposed Miss Clementina Allspice will be heiress to that sum. Now I'll introduce you: and if, on seeing her, you agree with me that she is grossly vulgar, and extravagantly affected-in short, should you thoroughly dislike her, I can see no rational objection to your marrying her.

Tan. Certainly not-I'll attend you; but first I must go to the courts.

Cau. Ay, stick to the law-stick to that-stick to anything. You remember your pranks. This hour writing a satire on the frivolity of the age, the next riding a hundred miles to shoot at a target. One day dressed in solemn black for the purpose of ordination.The next in a pink jacket and jockey cap, riding a match at Newmarket-so, no more of that, but stick to the law.

Tan. To be sure; what expansion of intellect it occa sions! What honours does it not lead to!

Cau. True!

Tun. Think of the woolsack.

Cau. Yes.

Tan. There's an object to look to!

Cau. Tremendous !

Tan. My ambition anticipates my honours, and I see myself in the envied situation.

Cau. Eh!

Tan. Dress'd in my robes, I bow to the throne.

[Sits down with dignity in a chair.

Cau. Zounds! now he's at it.

[Tangent rises and puts on his hat. Tan. Order! order! is it your lordship's pleasure this bill do pass-as many as are content, say Ay,"not content, "No"-the contents have it.

Cau. Now would it not provoke the devil?-1_humbly move that your lordship may leave the woolsack, and that your brains may cease to go a wool-gathering. Tan. My lord!-Eh!-Oh!-I beg your excuse, uncle-I was just indulging a little flight.

Cau. Yes, I know you were; but where are you going?

Tun. To the courts.

Cau. Pray stick to the law.

Tan. And to the woolsack. Does not the hope of that fill our universities with blockheads, and cram our courts full of barristers, with heads as empty as they leave their clients' pockets!-As many as are content, say not content, "No"-The contents have it.

Ay," [Exit, L.

Cau. So-mad and absurd as ever! But I trust he has a good heart, and I'll give him fair play; for, sometimes, the subsiding opposition of worth and folly produces the brightest characters, even as the beautiful firmament is said to have been formed from the contending chaos of light and darkness. [Exit, L.

SCENE II.-Faulkner's House-a knocking at the door, R.-Faulkner crosses the stage, and opens the door.

Enter Servant, R. D.

Ser. Captain Faulkner, my master (Mr. Caustic) will wait on you this morning for the payment of his rent.

Fau. (c.) My compliments, and I shall be glad to see him. [Exit Servant, R. D.] Thank heaven, enough remains for that! My rent being paid, perhaps I may gloss over the meagre hue of poverty, till my law suit is decided. [A harp is heard, L.] Poor Julia! didst thou know thy father's abject penury, 'twould break thy