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N° 7. TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1709.

Quicquid agunt homines

nostri est farrago libelli.

JUV. Sat. i. 85, 86.

Whatever good is done, whatever ill-
By human kind, shall this collection fill.

IT is so just an observation, that mocking is catching, that I am become an unhappy instance of it, and am (in the same manner that I have represented Mr. Partridge') myself a dying man, in comparison of the vigour with which I first set out in the world. Had it been otherwise, you may be sure I would not have pretended to have given for news, as I did last Saturday, a diary of the siege of Troy. But man is a creature very inconsistent with himself. The greatest heroes are sometimes fearful; the sprightliest wits at some hours dull; and the greatest politicians on some occasions whimsical. But I shall not pretend to palliate or excuse the matter; for I find by a calculation of my own nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable wit longer than two minutes after twelve of the clock at night, between the eighteenth and nineteenth of the next month: for which space

See N° 1, 11, 35, and 44. Mr. Granger tells us, that John Partridge, the almanack maker, was a shoemaker in Covent-garden in 1680, yet styled himself physician to his majesty in 1682. But though he was one of the sworn physicians, he never attended the court, nor received any salary. Biog. Hist. of England, 4to. 1769. vol. ii. p. 322, and 379.

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of time you may still expect to hear from me, but no longer; except you will transmit to me the occurrences you meet with relating to your amours, or any other subject within the rules by which I have proposed to walk. If any gentleman or lady sends to Isaac Bickerstaff, esq; at Mr. Morphew's, near Stationers-hall, by the penny-post, the grief or joy of their soul, what they think fit of the matter shall be related in colours as much to their advantage, as those in which Gervas 2 has drawn the agreeable Chloe. But since, without such assistance, I frankly confess, and am sensible, that I have not a month's wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my sound health and senses, to make my will and testament; which I do in manner and form following:

Imprimis, I give to the stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a security for the trusts daily reposed in them, all my real estate; which I do hereby vest in the said body of worthy citizens for ever.

Item, Forasmuch as it is very hard to keep land in repair without ready cash, I do, out of my personal estate, bestow the bear-skin3, which I have frequently lent to several societies about this town, to supply

2 Jervas. See No 4, note.

3 Stock-jobbers, who contract for a future transfer of stock which they do not, and are not likely to possess, are called bears (i. e. sellers of bear-skins); and those who contract to buy such stock are denominated bulls. It is not understood that, when the time comes, the real stock contracted for shall be transferred; all the money that then actually passes between the bull and the bear is the difference between the price of that stock, as it really stands in the market, and the price previously agreed upon by the speculative buyer and seller.-See N° 38. and, for a full illustration of these terms, Mortimer's "Every Man his own Broker."

their necessities; I say, I give also the said bearskin, as an immediate fund to the said citizens for

ever.

• Item, I do hereby appoint a certain number of the said citizens to take all the custom-house or customary oaths concerning all goods imported by the whole city; strictly directing, that some select members, and not the whole number of a body corporate, should be perjured.

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Item, I forbid all n- -s and persons of qty to watch bargains near and about the Exchange, to the diminution and wrong of the said stock-jobbers.

‹ Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a manner as any will can appear, until it is explained by the learned, I have disposed of my real and personal estate : but as I am an adept, I have by birth an equal right to give also an indefeasible title to my endowments and qualifications, which I do in the following

manner.

• Item, I give my chastity to all virgins who have withstood their market.

'Item, I give my courage among all who are ashamed of their distressed friends, all sneakers in assemblies, and men who shew valour in common conversation.

Item, I give my wit (as rich men give to the rich) among such as think they have enough already. And in case they shall not accept of the legacy, I give it to Bentivolio to defend his works, from time to time, as he shall think fit to publish them.

4

4 Dr. Richard Bentley, who was born at Wakefield, in Yorkshire, Jan. 1661, and died in July 1742.

to the famous controversy between the

This Item refers
Doctor and Mr.

Boyle, concerning the genuineness of the Epistles of Phalaris. See Biographia Britannica, art. Bentley.

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• Item, I bestow my learning upon the honorary members of the Royal Society.

Now for the disposal of this body.

As these eyes must one day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this heart shall one day pant no more for her indignation: that is to say, since this body must be earth; I shall commit it to the dust in a manner suitable to my character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute, whether there is any such real person as Isaac Bickerstaff or not; I shall excuse all persons who appear what they really are, from coming to my funeral. But all those who are, in their way of life, persona', as the Latins have it, persons assumed, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that solemnity.

The body shall be carried by six watchmen, who are never seen in the day.

' Item, The pall shall be held up by the six most known pretenders to honesty, wealth, and power, who are not possessed of any of them. The two first, a half-lawyer, and a complete justice. The two next, a chymist and a projector. The third couple, a treasury-solicitor, and a small courtier.

To make my funeral (what that solemnity, when done to common men, really is in itself) a very farce; and since all mourners are mere actors on these occasions, I shall desire those who are professedly such to attend mine. I humbly, therefore, beseech Mrs.

5 of this society there are no honorary members strictly so called; but the title may without impropriety be applied to such members as are admitted on account of their rank, or in acknowledgment of some present, &c.

6 See N° 45.

7 Masks; as in Lucretius, Eripitur PERSONA, manet res : the mask pluck'd off, the real thing appears.

Barry to act once more, and be my widow. When she swoons away at the church-porch, I appoint the merry Sir John Falstaff, and the gay Sir Harry Wildair, to support her. I desire Mr. Pinkethman to follow in the habit of a cardinal, and Mr. Bullock 9 in that of a privy-counsellor. To make up the rest of the appearance, I desire all the ladies from the balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be wives and widows themselves. I invite all, who have nothing else to do, to accept of gloves and

scarves.

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Thus, with the great Charles V. of Spain, I resign the glories of this transitory world: Yet at the same time, to shew you my indifference, and that my desires are not too much fixed upon any thing, I own to you, I am as willing to stay as to go: therefore leave it in the choice of my gentle readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.'

White's Chocolate-house, April 25.

EASTER day being a time when you cannot well meet with any but humble adventures; and there being such a thing as low gallantry, as well as low comedy, colonel Ramble 1o and myself went early this

8 See N° 188.

10

9 Christopher Bullock, who was a dramatic writer, as well as a low comedian.

10 Perhaps colonel Brett; who, as Pope says, was one of the chief companions of Addison and Steele.-In or about the year 1697, Anne countess of Macclesfield, having declared herself with child by the earl Rivers, was divorced from her husband, and, being left at liberty to make another choice, she was soon after married to colonel Brett. Johnson's lives of the Poets, vol. ii. p. 282, 283. 8vo edit. 1801.

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