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about her ; who would look at an angel ain't no calling names in it-no angels if one of the seraphim came down from nor wenuses.' heaven with empty pockets? A woman
“A few days after this, and some more cannot get on in the water without
of the like advice, Genevieve began to money; she had as good be a fish without any fins in it, Beauty.' 'I hate the
open a new plan of works against the men,' said Genevieve; “they only court
philosopher, and it came to pass that he
dropt upon her unawares under a hedge ine because they want to put their hands
in one of Old Crab's meadows. She had into my pocket.”
a little basket in her hand, and his At length, however, Genevieve
favourite pointer Ponto was lying by meets her fate, and falls desperately her side as she sat upon the grass. The in love; but her passion does not seem
philosopher saw her very busy with her
fingers in her basket, and felt some curi. likely to be requited, as the object of
osity to see what she was doing; and preit seems perfectly ignorant of his good
ood sently she gave Ponto a bit of sweet cake fortune, till she gets some hints from out of it, who put his two paws directly her cousin, Lady Charlotte Orby, re- into her lap, and fell to licking her face specting the management of back- as if it were something very savoury. ward lovers.
She did not seem to take Ponto's kisses This Lady Charlotte Orby is the much in anger, however, for she caught third heroine of the book, and we him in her arms and gave him some in rethink we like her best of the three.
turn, and another piece of sweet cake, She is very pretty, very cunning, and
when the pointer curled himself round
and lay down at her feet. Love me love very shrewd-which is surprising considering her parentage, for she is the
my dog, quoth the philosopher to him
self, and, plucking a leaf, put it between daughter of Lord Budemere, and her the pages of a folio edition of Aristotle noble parent, besides being a shock
to keep his place, and then laid the old ing rascal, is such a fool that we are Stagirite down under an oak: having so told “if Old Crab had combed Lord done, he crept round the bush under Budemere's head with a three-legged which Genevieve sat, and saw her pick stool, and combed out brains and all, a great caterpillar off it and put it into pouring milk, eggs, and sugar, in the her basket. Ponto, smelling his master, place of them to serve for understand- jumped up at that moment and began to ing, it would have altered his lord whine and wag his tail ; Genevieve ship's intellects a world for the better,
jumped up too, and saw the philosopher
ti standing behind the bush. You great and his soul would have sat much
blockhead,' said she, 'what are you come more at her ease in the middle of for?' Come for !' said Acerbus, 'why, a custard.” This shrewd young lady this is the way I usually walk in an rightly divines the object of Gene evening-what makes Ponto and you so vieve's affections to be the philoso- fond of one another all on a sudden ? pher Acerbus, and though Gene- what have you got in that basket, vieve, attempts to deny it, and Jenny?' 'What's that to you, you fool? says she would “as lief marry the
said she, 'nothing at all. I see some wonderful fish that was shown
leaves in it,' said he, poking his fingers in Piccadilly for a shilling,” yet lady
under its lid. “Keep your nasty fingers
out of my basket, or i'll beat it about Charlotte lays down some hints for
your stupid pate, said she. “You are entangling his heart in cunning
very cross this evening, Jenny,' said he meshes, which her friend acts upon.
_'come, I know what is in it; there is Here is one of the scenes between her
some cake in it, for I saw you give and the philosophic Acerbus (a very Ponto a bit of cake out of it--and I saw handsome as well as very amiable you put some leaves and a caterpillar man), in which it appears that, under into it.' "Then, if you know, why d'ye Old Crab's guardianship, Genevieve ask, ye great ass ?' said she. “To see if has picked up a good smattering of
you made any secret of what it had in it,' that eccentric ecclesiastic's peculiar
said he ; let me just look at your cater.
pillar, Jenny.' 'You shall not see it, so vocabulary. However, after the ultra
get along,' said she. “I lost a very curi. sentiment of the love-scenes of most
ous one in that very bush yesterday; it modern novelists, we find something
made its escape among the leaves ; pray racy in these, odd as they are--for the tell me
tell me, cousin, has it got a horn upon its same reason that Old Weller liked tail ?' The philosopher, a little too eager his son's valentine-“ because there to see Genevieve's caterpillar, laid hold
on her basket, upon which she gave him a quotb the old farmer, you must bear great push and rolled him upon the grass. me half in that matter, it will cost me Lady Charlotte, who had wandered from three hundred pound.' 'Not a penny,' her friend in search of wildflowers, came quoth Old Crab, 'I have put five hundred round some trees just as the philosopher pounds to my wench's fortune in order was tumbled upon the ground. She ran to take a step towards you, Master Cart. to him, and asked him kindly if he was land, so now it is your turn to take a step hurt? Seeing him laugh, she said, 'I de- towards me.' •Come, come,' quoth the clare, if I were you, cousin, I would go old farmer, ‘you will build a cow-house!' and tunble her down out of pure re- 'No,' quoth Old Crab. "A cart-house?' venge!' If the blockhead comes near 'No' quoth Old Crab. A fatting hog. me again,' said Genevieve with a haughty sty?' *No,' quoth Old Crab. Find frown, 'I will break his neck. Upon me tiles for the wheat-barn?' 'No,' this Acerbus walked away."
quoth Old Crab. "Be something towards While Genevieve is thus wooing the
the furniture?' 'No,' quoth Old Crab. philosopher, and Lady Charlotte put
What, not a bed ?' No,' quoth Old ting her own principles in practice
Crab. Come,' said Mrs B. Decastro,'I
have feathers enough by me to make a with Harry Lamsbroke, who is such
bed, if my husband will allow me to make a shocking young fool that we will
a little offer on my part.' 'Well, well,' say nothing more about him, Old
quoth Old Crab, ' I shan't stick out for a Crab, by way of effectually separating few feathers; give us your hand, Master George and Julia, has brought a new Cartland, if 'tis a bargain.' Upon which lover to his daughter, one John Cart- Old Crab and the old farmer shook land, a country bumpkin, who comes hands." a-courting; and all his family are invited to dinner. And this is the way
The bumpkin lover, however, dies by that Old Crab deals with the subject,
an accident; but another obstacle has so interesting to parents and guardi
arisen, for Mr Grove has commandans, of marriage settlements.
ed George to marry Lady Charlotte
Orby (who, not having at that time “Now it came to pass, after the taken a fancy to the fool Lamsbroke, boiled beef and cabbage, the ham and has no objection), and the worthy the fowls were removed, and the wine, young man, in obedience to his parent, punch, pipes, and strong beer put upon the table, ‘Look ye, Master Cartland,
is actually at the church door, on his quoth Old Crab, we will have no
way to be married, when Genevieve, forcing and driving in this business ; we
hearing of it, seizes him there, hustles shall be glad to see your son at a leisure
him into her carriage, and makes off hour at the farm, and if he and my with the prize. Eventually, after wench can agree we'll have a wedding other hindrances and distresses, Julia
- And if so be that they cannot,' in- and George are happily united about terrupted the old farmer, 'why, there's the middle of the third volume. A no harm done.' 'I loves Miss Julee less sentimental, though perhaps more rarely well,' quoth Madam Cartland, diverting love-affair than any of the "and if as why she can get the better of others, is that of Old Comical, whose her heart and hankerings, for I have inamorata is thus described :been told that the Squire don't care for a match betwixt her and his son, why, « Now there was a lady in these days as I says, I hopes as how my son John, named Madam Frances Funstall, who heaven bless him, may be her man after had a duke for her father and a dairyall, but yet, as why, as I says, I ban't for maid for her mother, and lived at a neat cramming force-meat into her mouth little house in a village called Dillies. whether she wool or no.' 'Well, well,' piddle : Her noble father, seeing she was qnoth Old Crab, 'we shall see how not like to be a beauty, left her in his matters will be ; you and I understand will a legacy of ten thousand pounds, one another, Master Cartland, Bullocks. part of which she had laid out in a purHatch and the water-meads come with chase of a house and garden, and lived your son, if the thing take place, and upon the interest of the remainder like a three thousand pounds go with my gentlewoman of figure: now this was very wench. But the homestall must be re. considerate in his grace, for a woman paired at your expense, I insist upon without beauty and without money may that, and I will keep the young folks get up before sunrise and look for a husuntil the farmhouse be got ready for band till 'tis dark, and then go to bed them.' 'Look you, Master Decastro, without ope. As for beauty, Madam
Funstall had not as much as she could mouth, with the end thereof sticking out cover with her hand, which was so small, of the post-chaise window. Old Crab, and her fingers so short and thick, that hearing a great noise among the pigs, she could not shut it; she had the duke's and a cracking of whips, as he sat in his nose only, all the rest belonged to the little parlour, came forth at the moment dairy-wench.”
Old Comical drove up to the back of the
house, for he had too much modesty to Old Comical's brother dies and
come up to the grand entrance. "Why, leaves him heir to £3000 a-year, and you scoundrel ! 'quoth Old Crab, 'I exthe manor of Cock-a-doodle. The pected you to run mad, but this is not good news has a singular effect upon the way to Bedlam; what the plague d'ye him.
come here for?' Úpon which Old Co“ It brought him trouble in his in
mical, pulling his head and shoulders
out of the tankard, for it was a mon. ward parts, however, and what might
strous jug, big enough for a man to bathe have turned another man's brains turned Old Comical's stomach into confusion,
in it, said, “ Look you, master, I am as
much your humble servant to command uproar, and astonishment. Adszooks, what a rumbling and grumbling, what a
as ever, for all I am lord of the manor of piping, what a squalling of the bowels !
Cock-a-doodle,' blowing a long pillar of
smoke out of his mouth through the chaise what a quarrelling and noise, what a piece of work there was in his inside!
window : 'you have been a noble master he felt as if he had swallowed a great
to me, took me in when I had nothing rebellion and they were fighting for a
but rags upon my back and raw turnips new constitution in his belly ! but he
in my belly, fed ine and clothed me, had no mind to run mad for all that ;
and 'sume my body if I ever leave your for then he would have been put into a
farm as long as you will let me work for dark room and had his money taken
you! no, no,-you were my friend when away. "Now,' said he, shutting old
I had not a sixpence in my pocket, and Crab's garden-door, ‘I will see if I can
'sume me if I ever forsake you now I get in time to be chief mourner at my
have three thousand pounds a-year and brother's funeral, but as for crying,
am lord of the manor of Cock-a-doodle!' everybody knows how little water I
--Upon which Old Comical gave his tank. have to spare that way; folks will be
ard to the post-boys, and a crown adisappointed if they take my eyes for a
piece to comfort their constitutions, on pair of water-squirts : what! come into
the road, as he told them, threw off his three thousand a year, and put my finger
coat and waistcoat and went afield with in my eye! A very small bottle will
the next empty waggon, for Old Crab hold all my flittings. No,-as for weep.
was in the middle of his wheat harvest. ing, we will leave all that to be done by
And this brings us down, as it were by a all such as come in for nothing by the
regular flight of steps, to Old Comical's death of the departed, they may weep
first visit, as a lover, at Dillies-piddle : with a better grace, and never be sus
It was a Sunday morning, and Madam pected of hypocrisy : no, no,-10 weep.
Funstall sat tackled out in her best aping, tears have nothing to do in the mat
parel at her breakfast-table, when old ter, for my brother is better off, and so
Comical rang at her gate with a calf's am I; then what occasion is there for
heart in his hand, a great skewer stuck crying when there is no harm done on
in it, and the blood all trickling through either side? A good friend is gone, it is
his fingers: Madam Funstall cast her true; but when he has done us all the
radiant eyes through her window, as she good he can do, and left a world of
sat sipping her tea and brandy, saw, and troubles for a better, he would call me a
knew him in a moment : for Old Comi. fool if he saw me fall a-crying, and tell
cal, long since her ardent lover, used to me so to my face, if he could speak his
stick her pigs and singe her bacon and mind. Upon which Old Comical shut
never told his love: and how should he Crab's garden-door, as aforesaid, put
dare, when he was a day-labourer on Out 2 is best suit, and set off for the manor
Old Crab's farm at a shilling a-day and doodle. Now having settled
his victuals ?” ! "zkacoars to his mind, paid his legacies,
Madam Funstall, seeing Old Comteiste widow in her jointure house,
spod tenant into Cock-a-doodlé cal arrive at her gate, and not know
Dim fordhwith into a post- ing of the marvellous change in his
i mitove into Old Crab's fortunes, imagines he has come to be amani wa hur horses and two pos- paid for the last pig he stuck for her, S w art of strong beer in his and sends him, by her maid Keziah.
pe of tobacco in his a shilling's worth of halfpence, and a
horn of ale. The lord of Cock-a- The wonderful incidents contained doodle, indignant at such treatment in the third and fourth volumes-how of a gentleman of his degree, has a Julia and Genevieve were spirited scolding-match, rather too racy for away-how they were recovered miextracting, though highly humorous, raculously, both through the agency with Keziah; the noise of which of Old Comical — bow Genevieve brings Madam Funstall into the “ came back such a figure, that if the kitchen, whereupon Old Comical, crows had got sight of her they would after declaring his passion, as he have left the kingdom"-how Fredknelt upon his wig at her feet, "forth- erick and his confederate miscreants with laid his bald pate upon her foot all meet the end they merit --how, and groaned." Madame Funstall is finally, all the lovers, Old Comical inat first highly indignant, till Old cluded, are made happy-with much Comical announces that he is lord of other interesting matter, we refrain the manor of Cock-a-doodle, where- from touching on the end we proupon “ he soon became as sweet to posed to ourself in this paper being Madam Funstall as a roll of poma- now answered. tum," and his advances, including the Reader, did you never, in the circle present of the calf's heart, are most of your acquaintance, know or hear graciously accepted.
of a man of original talent and exWe will give one more little scene, cellent heart, whose good qualities because it has the double effect of were rendered nugatory by some illshowing how far Genevieve's affec- habit-tippling, bad language, or some tion was returned by Acerbus, and such evil propensity, and who, after how a philosopher proposes to a lady. being pitied through life by his
friends as “nobody's enemy but his ""What d'ye mean by that, sir?' said own," finally hides in an obscure Genevieve in confusion. Mean !' quoth grave, talents which might have made he, 'why, I saw you throw your glove on
the fortunes of half his generation ? the walk after you looked which way. Even such is the character of our dear was coming, and then hide yourself in
friend John Decastro-one who, full the bush-now, prythee, my pretty cousin, what could you mean by this?'
as he is of kindliness and humour, we Genevieve was in a pucker, and bit her
can only venture to introduce to solips till the blood dropt upon her bosom. ciety in his most guarded moments. - Well, well,' continued he,' I will His humour is often of a cast belonganswer the question for you, my pretty
ing to the age of Squire Western and kinswoman : you are willing to be my Commodore Trunnion, rather than mate, and make signs of what you cannot to ours; and in these times, when speak: come, pretty Jenny, for indeed I even my Uncle Toby is known to the think you pretty, you shall be my mate, rising generation only through the and I will be your mate, my pretty kins.
medium of elegant extracts,--sorely woman, and we will be man and wife together.
emasculated and worse mutilated I found out your love, and
than he was in the trenches before will give you love for love: I have broken the matter to my father and my
Dendermond, John-our good friend mother, and my good uncle Bartbolo. John --could scarcely expect a full mew, and my good aunt, and all think hearing. But in thus reproducing well of a wedding between us ; and so some of the matter that so won our my sweet pretty Jenny, I will kiss your fancy in infancy, and held it in youth sweet lips, if you please, upon the bar- and manhood, we are executing a gain. Upon which he made a mark with pleasant duty. The work is virtuhis thumb-nail in Plato, lest he lose his ally defunct, and will not probably place where he left off reading, and shut
rise from its ashes ; we, like Old Morting up the folio, put it upon a little
tality, have been working lovingly on bench, then folding his arms round Ge.
a tombstone, and we shall be glad to nevieve's waist gave her a hearty kiss upon her lips; after which, taking up
think that this frail memorial may Plato, and opening the book, he walked
perchance prevent the memory of the off reading Greek, and left Genevieve Decastros from perishing utterly from to her meditations."
Of all the maids of Dynevor, maid Barbara is most fair ;
Beside the Dame of Dynevor six maidens ever dwell-