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four dances last night, fell in love, and found a packet of letters, and their andreamed that I was kissing my part- swers, among John's papers, when I ner. Die! why you don't think I mean settled his matters, that told me everyto die because I sent for you to make thing: in the next, I have to add that my will, Old Crab? I'm not dead I will have none of your money, madam: yet, nephey Bat-I am not dead yet.' what I have done I have done, but I 'I will tell you a piece of my mind, will have none of your money : John quoth Old Crab ; 'the sooner you are lets me have my farm cheap, and I dead the better for the reputation of have improved my church : I have ages past; you may be taken for a sam- enough, and will take none of your ple of what women were formerly, and money, not I.' Highty, tighty,' quoth bring more disgrace upon our great the old lady, 'none of my money, grandmothers than their share comes quoth-a : why, you don't know what is to, galloping about at this time o' day good, nephey-you don't know what is to balls, routs, and masquerades; I good ; not take any of my money! 0' wonder what the plague ails you, for my conscience 'tis the first time a bag my part, or what the devil is come to of gold ever went a-begging! For the a parcel of old bones! Come, send the shame of the world and the speech of crockery away, if a will is to be made.' the people ! what will folks say if I leave Upon which the old lady rang her bell, my money to another after all you have and having cleared the breakfast table, done for me? Who will tell my story the butler put an inkstand under Old for me after my bones are dry, when Crab's nose, who, dipping his pen therein, some fleering coxcomb shall lift his foot and taking a sheet of paper, said, “Now, upon my tombstone and say, here lies aunt, what is your will ? what d'ye mean an old toad under a slab that deserved to do with your money ?' 'Why,' said to be buried under a dog.kennel-how she, 'folks are apt to part with their she used her nephey Bat after all he had money when they can keep it no longer: done for her, a man that would ride five John, you tell me, is upon good ground, hundred miles on end upon a full gallop and like to keep so—and a man worth to come and cut her corns for her ! an old three-and-twenty thousand pounds a year harridan, to cut such a man off with a has enough and to spare for himself and shilling! My Lady Wixwax and I had a his children ; there is my nephew Lams world of talk upon this matter the other broke too is rolling in money; and as evening over a dish of gunpowder-tea, but for my lord, he would spend Mexico I believe neither of us heard one word of in one day and Peru in another, and what the other said for four hours, for not know where to find money to buy we both talked together the whole time: a supper before he went to bed; besides, seeing how matters were like to go, we these good folks never come near me, agreed, at last, to take it by turns to never make any inquiries after me no hold one another's tongues in the sugarmore than if I had a ton of marble nippers : gracious heaven ! how Lady upon my bones-not they ; I know as Wixwax did run on after the ninth dish little of them and care as little: they all of gunpowder ! I paid her off, though, live at a vast distance from me, certainly, when it was my turn to nip, though her but a kind letter now and then would tongue quivered all the while between comfort my old soul : you have always my fingers as if I had got hold of the been a kind and dutiful nephey, taken tail of a spake ! Never trust me, care of my money, done all my business nephey Bat, if I think there is a woman for me, all my little matters, saved me beneath the silent sun that can talk so all expense and all trouble, and more. long, so lively, and so loud as the old over put three hundred pounds a-year to

Countess of Wixwax. We came both my income by your skill and knowledge of us at last upon one thing dab, phiz., in the money markets-you, therefore, I that you was the man for my money ; make my heir, who ought to have all that and if you will not take it, or take it Jobn enjoys at this moment, if my into your own family, I shall not go out brother had not listened, like a hot-head of the world with a quiet soul.' • What ed fool, to Lord Budemere, who, to tell have I done to deserve your money, you a secret, was the sole cause of your be quoth Old Crab, 'what the plague have I ing turned out of your estates : I tell you done to deserve your money? I'll have this that you may take no trouble in none of your money.' My name,' quoth that man's matters, who has been the the old virgin,' will offend above ground greatest enemy that you ever had to after my body is turned into snuff and my your back. In the first place, aunt, coffin into a snuff-box ; I cannot abide quoth Old Crab, “I have to say that ingratitude, nephey Bat : what did I this thing is no secret to me, for I know about worldly matters? I should VOL LXXXI.--NO. CCCCXCV.


“Now, upon the arrival of Old Crop upon all fours again. I got disinheritand Old Crab at Skeleton House, for ed, and kicked out of the kingdom, that was the name of his aunt Biddy's for giving that very advice, which, if palace, he found the old lady's carriage taken, had saved my sister's fortune ; at the door, and her already dressed in that, and all the money the frugal old her best tackle to go to a ball Now lord left, is spent: but come to the will at that time the clock struck ten, and it has been high time any day these the cock had been upon the perch last forty years.' Accidents may hapan hour: Aunt Biddy,' quoth old pen, nephey,' quoth she,'accidents may Crab, after the usual ceremonies of happen to the youngest of us all. salutation, I am come to make your Accidents may happen !' thundered will :' and cast thereupon his eye over Old Crab ; 'ay, you may die in a ball. a gay knot of artificial flowers stuck room, and be fiddled into eternity : with an air into the old lady's cap. the devil take these colt's teeth, how * Hæ, hæ, nephey,' quoth the frisky old they stick in your mouth, old woman! lass with a smile, it will be time What d'ye mean to do with your enough for that to-morrow, I am going money ? 'tis time you thought about it to a dance in the neighbourhood :' when, while the spark of life sticks in your old giving her people orders to take care of tinder, if a serious thought can come Old Crab and Old Crop, the old lady into such a bedlam.' 'Come, come, Old stept into her carriage with a little more Crab,' quoth aunt Biddy, 'will you never alacrity than her aged limbs could well leave off spitting brimstone and sulafford, that complained in half-a-dozen phur? Will you never leave off gal. loud cracks that they were in no such loping, dancing, rigging and romping skipping humour. Old Crab sucked up amongst the boys and girls? answer me his cheeks at the gay old lady, who scut- that, old female. What money have you tled into her coach too quickly to leave in your banker's hands ?' 'Not a groat,' him any time for a reply. The next said aunt Biddy. Not a groat !' quoth morning at breakfast, Aunt Biddy, Old Crab;' why, how the plague can you quoth Old Crab, "d'ye mean to dance contrive to spend three thousand pounds into your grave with a tabor and pipe ? a-year ? answer me that, ye old romp.' In the devil's name, d'ye know how I never was a miser, nephey,' quoth old you are ?''Past fifteen, nephey, the old lady; 'but you know, who quoth the merry old virgin with a manage all my money matters, madcap smile. Past fifteen !' quoth Old Crab; as I am, that I never once outran the

d'ye know how many fifteens there are constable : and, truly, what is money in ninety?' 'I love the age of fifteen so good for? how can we put a penny well,' quoth she, 'that I don't care how to a better use than to call one's often it comes over.' 'You have got it friends about one's house, and make in your head it seems,' quoth Old Crab, them all happy, hæ, nephey Bat? if that it is time to make your will; now, one is merry and wise, hæ, nephey look ye, madam, if you can get the Bat?' 'You are merry enough,' quoth fiddles out of your brains I have a world Old Crab, 'if you were but as wise, and of work on my hands, and could be glad old enough too to be more of the one to come to the business :' upon which and less of the other, to my thinking.' ho went on to tell her that he had a 'Why, look you, nephey, the more great deal to do for ber nephew Lord merry the more wise, that's my motto, Budemere, who was running post haste though it mayn't be so much to your to the devil. "His lordship should have liking.-I give a ball to-morrow, and to. come there long ago,' quoth she, 'for night I am going to a masquerade, so everybody said that he took the nearest if you please we will come to parish way: whenever he gets there, however, business as soon as we have done breakhe will be sure to meet with a warm fast. I may die, hæ, nephey Bat? I reception, for he and the devil are old may die ; the youngest of us all may die, friends; hand and glove, nephey Bat, nephey Bat, hæ, hæ, hæ, nephey Bat!' on the best of terms. You have an- Whereupon the old lass clapt her hand other lame dog to help over a stile, gaily on Old Crab's shoulder, and sang then, it seems, nephey Bat ; but John the following staves : is upon good ground again, you tell Yes, but this is the most con

[We omit the old lady's song as founded business of the two by much,

peculiar.] quoth Old Crab; 'I have just written What d'ye think of that? hah, hah. to the blockhead, and told him that I nephey Bat?' 'A merry old cat?" must put him on spare diet these ten quothold Crab. "Merry years, before I can get this lame dog phey,' quoth aunt Biddy,

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thrown there and deserted by his mother the auspices of an aged grandmother in one of her good humours, to take his except another hero, who appears chance for a nurse of a better temper- somewhat later as a lover in the yes-ealled by his eries, pieked him up; story, a Mr Harry Lamsbroke, who wrapped the baby in his handkerchief,

outspoons all other spoons)---spoon and put him into his great-coat pocket;

as George is, he cannot hear his own the lad, knowing Old Crab's way, smiled while Old Crab shook his oaken towel

warm praises from such pretty lips over his head, and had little need be bid without making to them his equally to take care of Old Crop and her foal, warm acknowledgments — much to for he owed Old Crab quite as much as the surprise of poor Julia. Howhe could ever pay if he lived to the age ever, the course of their Arcadian of Methuselab. 'I hope, Mr Bartho loves is far from smooth. Old Crab, lomew,' said Mr Grove, when he came coming to the oak, witnesses their in, 'yon bave not been beating poor endearments, and posts off to apWill; he is one of the best lads in the prise Mr Grove, and to propose a world.' 'No, no,' quoth Old Crab, ‘I've match between the young people ; done the scoundrel no hurt, not I.' 'If

but Mr Grove looks higher for you were to see the lad weep, and hear him call you his kind father, as poor George, and Old Crab forbids Julia Will often does in my presence, I am

to see him.

However, as we are insure you would not hurt him,' said Mr formed, “ fathers and mothers, and Grove. He comes after one of my duty and obedience, fly like moths wenches,' quoth Old Crab, "and makes about love's torch, and at last into the baggage as idle as she can hang to- it, and get burned to death.” So the gether; I'll break his bones next time I lovers often meet at milking time, catch him in my kitchen. Your second spite of paternal prohibitions. bell las rung, why the devil don't your Julia and her love, however, are villains bring in the victuals?' At that

but subordinate to the principal moment the butler, with four or five female figure, the most wonderful more servants at his tail, came in with the dinner; they all smiled at the sight heroine ever met with in or out of of Old Crab for some reason or other,

-a Miss Genevieve de who seized a knife and fork, and put half Roma — wonderfully rich, wondera pound of boiled beef upon his plate fully strong, and wonderfully beautithe moment after he had said grace. As ful. She is six feet high, yet of persoon as dinner was over, Old Crab, at feet symmetry--a splendid brunette, the earnest desire of Mr and Mrs Grove, with a fortune which, under the fostergave a very particular account of all he ing care of that universal steward, had done for his brother John, at which Mr and Mrs Grove espressed great is, has expanded to fabulous dimen

Old Crab, whose niece and ward she satisfaction."

sions. Of course she has a host of The pretty spark called George is lovers, whose advances she receives the lover of Julia, Old Crab's daugh- more after the fashion of a sheter, who leads on herreverend parent's panther, or a man-hating Amazon, farm a most primitive and pastoral than a modern young lady, treating life, going a-milking duly at morn and them so roughly, whenever they predewy eve. The road from Hinder

sume to touch her hand, that they mark to the castle lies through some are, for the most part, glad to get of Old Crab's meadows, along which out of her presence with whole bones George frequently passes, and, some- -after which we are not surprised at how or other, Julia's cows never will the honest chronicler telling us that stand still properly to be milked, ex- "she was rather to be gazed and cept near this road. One day George wondered at than to be loved.” The sees Julia sitting there under a tree only man at that time worthy of her busy about something, and, stealing love in all England must, we think, behind her, finds she is drawing his have been Tom Cribb, then in the likeness, commenting upon it in an full flush of his youthful strength audible soliloquy highly flattering to and science. However, after a sucthe original. Of course, spoon as cession of lovers as unlike Cribb as he is (and we are sorry to say that a possible, fine gentlemen, foreign noblemore contemptible piece of correct- men, and sentimental young clergymess was never brought up under men, Genevieve returns to the north,

a romance

at the close of a London season, with had fixed his lips on one cheek, and her fancy stillfree, though she has com- Doctor Boarcole on the other, their wigs mitted awful ravages in the hearts of would have met over Genevieve's nose! the other sex. One of Genevieve's No such fun for Genevieve, however ; conquests is made in very reverend who, during the argument, came in for a society. Here is the scene :

very small share of attention. It has

been said, when there is a contest be* Genevieve fixed her bright eyes on

tween two, nobody can long stand neuter, this handsome young clergyman, who that is, without siding with one or the had not as yet run his head into a great other of the combatants : Doctor Blow wig, however a great wig might run in had cast his eyes twice on Genevieve, his head; she saw him stare at her, but and Doctor Boarcole four times during presently to take his eyes off, and, though the discussion, whereupon Doctor Boarhe had a fair opportunity of sitting next

cole was Genevieve's man, and she felt her, and she gave him one of her sweet pleased whenever he gave Doctor Blow glances to coax him to her side, she had

a shrewd turn; and whether her smiles the mortification to see him file off, and of applause upon Doctor Boarcole intake a chair close by the old maid on the vigorated the doctor's wit and genius, other side of the table. She felt this

or the loss of them discouraged Doctor very sensibly, but took no notice. Mr Blow, Doctor Boarcole certainly overSmith was related to the dean, and he

turned Doctor Blow, who, converting had introduced him to her. At this his attention to a slice of plum-pudding reverend table, Genevieve seemed to be and Madeira sauce, put such a great bit unusually alone, and actually sat silent into his mouth at once as might very for want of one to converse with her, well make it a doubt whether it had after a little talk, and a glass of wine, been stopt by argument or by pudding.” with the good old dean. On each side of her sat two great wigs, full of powder and

This young clergyman makes some very terrible ; and Genevieve looked at impression on the magnificent amaone, and then at the other, and was sure

zon's heart ; but on finding that a there must be a great deal in them if she poor young woman is pining to death knew how to get it out. The talk, as far for love of this faithless son of the as she could hear, ran upon very grave church, who had been engaged to her matters, which the Reverend Doctor before the sight of her splendid rival Blow, who sat on her left, kept pretty caused him to forget his vows, Geneinuch in his own hands, conversing vieve takes leave of him, and insists directly across her pose with the Rev. erend Doctor Boarcole, who sat on her forthwith, which he does, and shortly

on his marrying his former fiancée right: now Doctor Boarcole was a little hard of hearing, and Doctor Blow was

after dies of a broken heart. Meanfain to lean towards him when he spoke, time, Genevieve grows more and more who, out of politeness, met him half way, stony-hearted out of suspicion that her which inclination on both parts brought admirers are attracted by her fortune their great wigs over Genevieve's face in --a groundless hallucination which such a manner as to cast her under a we have known many amiable young total eclipse of hair, during a great part women of property labour under. of the time she sat at the table; for Doctor Blow and Doctor Boarcole pre- "" Ah Beauty,' quoth Old Comical sently fell into an argument upon the one day to Genevieve, for so he always divine right of tithes, which waxed so called her Radiance, 'who is to come in warm, that the two doctors, during the at last for all that's between your cap and heat thereof, frequently gave Genevieve pattens?' 'Why, John,' said she, 'what's a brush on either cheek with the eaves between my cap and pattens is the least of their wigs : which, mixing their white of the matter ; if the men could get hold powder with her jetty locks on both of my money, the sooner I were thrown, sides, might induce a belief on one who cap and pattens, into the next ditch thé knew nothing of the matter, that Ge- better; it is what they are all after; how nevieve had got kissed by both the is such a rich gypsy as I am to know who doctors at once to keep her face steady, is sincere ? and who will offer, after all, for the ladies have a trick of turning that is worth having, while all this their faces away when they are kissed, a money lies in my lap ?' 'Ah Beauty,' thing very well known to all doctors in quoth old Comical, as music is the divinity, who may wear great wigs to caper sauce to a country-dance, so it is hide the ladies' blushes, else what use the chiming of the guineas in a woman's can they be of! Now if Doctor Blow apron that sets the men a-prancing

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