XXXI. SIR ROGER'S ADVICE FROM WILL HONEYCOMB. [Spectator No. 359. Tuesday, April 22, 1712. Budgell.] Torva leaena lupum sequitur, lupus ipse capellam ; VIRGIL. As we were at the club, last night, I observed that my friend Sir Roger, contrary to his usual custom, sat very silent, and instead of minding what was said by the company was whistling to himself in a very thoughtful mood, and playing with a cork. I jogged Sir Andrew Freeport, who sat between us, and as we were both observing him, we saw the knight shake his head and heard him say to himself, "A foolish woman! I can't believe it.". Sir Andrew gave him a gentle pat upon the shoulder, and offered to lay him a bottle of wine that he was thinking of the widow. My old friend started, and, recovering out of his brown study, told Sir Andrew that once in his life he had been in the right. In short, after some little hesitation, Sir Roger told us, in the fulness of his heart, that he had just received a letter from his steward, which acquainted him that his old rival and antagonist in the county, Sir David Dundrum, had been making a visit to the widow. However," says Sir Roger, "I can never think that she'll have a man that's half a year older than I am, and a noted Republican into the bargain. 66 Will Honeycomb, who looks upon love as his particular province, interrupting our friend with a jaunty laugh: "I thought, knight," says he, "thou hadst lived long enough in the world not to pin thy happiness upon one that is a woman and a widow. I think that without vanity I may pretend to know as much of the female world as any man in Great Britain, though the chief of my knowledge consists in this, that they are not to be known.' Will immediately, with his usual fluency, rambled into an account of his own amours. "I am now, 99 says he, "upon the verge of fifty" (though, by the way, we all knew he was turned of threescore). "You may easily guess," continued Will, "that I have not lived so long in the world without having had some thoughts of settling in it, as the phrase is. To tell you truly, I have several times tried my fortune that way, though I can't much boast of my success. 66 "I made my first addresses to a young lady in the country; but when I thought things were pretty well drawing to a conclusion, her father, happening to hear that I had formerly boarded with a surgeon, the old put1 forbid me his house, and within a fortnight after married his daughter to a fox-hunter in the neighborhood. "I made my next applications to a widow, and attacked her so briskly that I thought myself within a fortnight of her. As I waited upon her one morning, she told me that she intended to keep her ready money and jointure in her own hand, and desired me to call upon her attorney in Lyon's Inn, who would adjust with me what it was proper for me to add to it. I was so rebuffed by this overture, that I never inquired either for her or her attorney afterwards. 2 3 "A few months after, I addressed myself to a young lady who was an only daughter and of a good family; I danced with her at several balls, squeezed her by the hand, said soft things to her, and, in short, made no doubt of 3 her heart; and, though my fortune was not equal to hers, I was in hopes that her fond father would not deny her the man she had fixed her affections upon. But, as I went one day to the house in order to break the matter to him, I found the whole family in confusion, and heard, to my unspeak 1 Put a term of contempt. 2 Arrange. "Of capturing. able surprise, that Miss Jenny was that very morning run away with the butler. "I then courted a second widow, and am at a loss to this day how I came to miss her, for she had often commended my person and behavior. Her maid, indeed, told me one day that her mistress had said she never saw a gentleman with such a spindle pair of legs 2 as Mr. Honeycomb. "After this I laid siege to four heiresses successively, and being a handsome young dog in those days, quickly made a breach in their hearts; but I don't know how it came to pass, though I seldom failed of getting the daughter's consent, I could never in my life get the old people on my side. 66 I could give you an account of a thousand other unsuccessful attempts, particularly of one which I made some years since upon an old woman, whom I had certainly borne away with flying colors if her relations had not come pouring in to her assistance from all parts of England; nay, I believe I should have got her at last, had not she been carried off by an hard frost." As Will's transitions are extremely quick, he turned from Sir Roger, and, applying himself to me, told me there was a passage in the book I had considered last Saturday which deserved to be writ in letters of gold; and, taking out a pocket Milton, read the following lines, which are part of one of Adam's speeches to Eve after the fall: 3 'Had. "Oh! why did our Creator wise that peopled highest heav'n This novelty on earth, this fair defect Of Nature, and not fill the world at once With men, as angels, without feminine, Was this commendation, or does the "indeed" qualify it? Mankind? This mischief had not then befall'n, As some misfortune brings him, or mistake: To human life, and household peace confound." Sir Roger listened to this passage with great attention, and, desiring Mr. Honeycomb to fold down a leaf at the place, and lend him his book, the knight put it up in his pocket, and told us that he would read over those verses again before he went to bed.2 X.3 Find these lines and verify the quotation: you will see that Budgell does not quote exactly. 2 Imagine the scene and the old knight's “speculations” thereon. See note 3, p. 79. XXXII. SIR ROGER AT VAUXHALL. [Spectator No. 383. Tuesday, May 20, 1712. Addison.] Criminibus debent hortos-———. JUVENAL. As I was sitting in my chamber and thinking on a subject for my next "Spectator," I heard two or three irregular bounces at my landlady's door, and upon the opening of it, a loud, cheerful voice inquiring whether the philosopher was at home. The child who went to the door answered very innocently that he did not lodge there. I immediately recollected that it was my good friend Sir Roger's voice, and that I had promised to go with him on the water to Spring Garden,1 in case it proved a good evening. The knight put me in mind of my promise from the bottom of the staircase, but told me that if I was speculating he would stay below till I had done. Upon my coming down, I found all the children of the family got about my old friend, and my landlady herself, who is a notable prating gossip, engaged in a conference with him, being mightily pleased with his stroking her little boy upon the head, and bidding him be a good child and mind his book. We were no sooner come to the Temple Stairs but we were surrounded with a crowd of watermen, offering us their respective services. Sir Roger, after having looked about him very attentively, spied one with a wooden leg, and immediately gave him orders to get his boat ready. As we were walking towards it, "You must know," says Sir Roger, "I never make use of anybody to row me that 1At Charing Cross; afterwards called Fox-hall, or Vauxhall, when the gardens began to be built upon. |