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ity, have a manner after other men's speech to shake their heads. Sir Lionel Cranfield would say, That it was as men shake a bottle, to see if there were any wit in their head or no.
† 22. Sir Thomas Moore (who was a man in all his lifetime that had an excellent vein in jesting) at the very instant of his death, having a pretty long beard, after his head was upon the block, lift it up again, and gently drew his beard aside, and said, This hath not offended the King.
23. (60.) Sir Thomas Moore had sent him by a suitor in the chancery two silver flagons. When they were presented by the gentleman's servant, he said to one of his men ; Have him to the cellar, and let him have of my best wine. And turning to the servant, said, Tell thy master, friend, if he like it, let him not spare it.
. 24. (129.) Diogenes, having seen that the kingdom of Macedon, which before was contemptible and low, began to come aloft, when he died, was asked ; How he would be buried ? He answered, With my face downward; for within a while the world will be turned upside down, and then I shall lie right.
25. (130.) Cato the elder was wont to say, That the Romans were like sheep : A man were better drive a flock of them, than one of them.
26. (201.) Themistocles in his lower fortune was in love with a young gentleman who scorned him. When he grew to his greatness, which was soon after, he sought to him: but Themistocles said ; We are both grown wise, but too late.
† 27. Demonax the philosopher, when he died, was asked touching his burial. He answered, Never take care for burying me, for stink will bury me. He that asked him, said again : Why, would you
1 A great officer of this land would say. R.
your body left to dogs and ravens to feed upon ? Demonax answered, Why, what great hurt is it, if having sought to do good, when I lived, to men, my body do some good to beasts, when I am dead.
† 28. Jack Roberts was desired by his tailor, when the reckoning grew somewhat high, to have a bill of his hand. Roberts said ; I am content, but you must let no man know it. When the tailor brought him the bill, he tore it, as in choler, and said to him ; You use me not well; you promised me nobody should know it, and here you have put in, Be it known unto all men by these presents.
29. (131.) When Lycurgus was to reform and alter the state of Sparta, in the consultation one advised that it should be reduced to an absolute popular equality. But Lycurgus said to him : Sir, begin it in your own house.
† 30. Phocion the Athenian, (a man of great severity, and no ways flexible to the will of the people,) one day when he spake to the people, in one part of his speech was applauded : Whereupon he turned to one of his friends, and asked ; What have I said amiss?
† 31. Sir Walter Ralegh was wont to say of the ladies of Queen Elizabeth's privy-chamber and bedchamber; That they were like witches ; they could do hurt, but they could do no good.
32. (122.) Bion, that was an atheist, was shewed in a port-city, in a temple of Neptune, many tables or pictures of such as had in tempests made their vows to Neptune, and were saved from shipwrack: and was asked; How say you now, do you not acknowledge the power of the Gods ? But he said ; Yes, but where are they painted that have been drowned after their vows ?
33. (202.) Bias1 was sailing, and there fell out a great tempest, and the mariners, that were wicked and dissolute fellows, called upon the Gods; But Bias 1 said to them ; Peace, let them not know ye are here.
† 34. Bion was wont to say; That Socrates, of all the lovers of Alcibiades, only held him by the ears.
† 35. There was a minister deprived for inconformity, who said to some of his friends ; That if they deprived him, it should cost an hundred men's lives. The party understood it as if, being a turbulent fellow, he would have moved sedition, and complained of him. Whereupon being convented and apposed upon that speech, he said ; His meaning was, that if he lost his benefice, he would practise physic; and then he thought he should kill an hundred men in time.
36. (61.) Michael Angelo, the famous painter, painting in the Pope's chapel the portraiture of hell and damned souls, made one of the damned souls so like a Cardinal that was his enemy, as everybody at first sight knew it: Whereupon the Cardinal complained to Pope Clement, desiring 2 it might be defaced ; Who said to him, Why, you know very well, I have power
to deliver a soul out of purgatory, but not out of hell.3
† 37. There was a philosopher about Tiberius, that looking into the nature of Caius, said of him ; That he was mire mingled with blood.
38. (209.) Alcibiades came to Pericles, and stayed a while ere he was admitted. When he came in, Per
1 Bion. R.
2 humbly praying. R. 3 See Melchior (Floresta española, de apoteghmas ó sentencias, &c., 1614), I. 1.3.
icles civilly excused it, and said ; I was studying how to give my account. But Alcibiades said to him ; If you will be ruled by me, study rather how to give no account.
39. (133.) Cicero was at dinner, where there was an ancient lady that spake of her years, and said ; She was but forty years old. One that sat by Cicero rounded him in the ear, and said ; She talks of forty years old, and she is far more, out of question. Cicero answered him again; I must believe her, for I have heard her say 80 any time these ten years.
40. (68.) Pope Adrian the sixth was talking with the Duke of Sesa; That Pasquil gave great scandal, and that he would have him thrown into the river. But Sesa answered ; Do it not (holy father) for then he will turn frog; and whereas now he chants but by day, he will then chant both by day and night.
41. (134.) There was a soldier that vaunted before Julius Cæsar of hurts he had received in his face. Julius Cæsar knowing him to be but a coward, told him ; You were best take heed, next time you run away, how you look back.
† 42. There was a Bishop that was somewhat a delicate person, and bathed twice a day. A friend of his said to him ; My lord, why do you bathe twice a day? The Bishop answered ; Because I cannot conveniently bathe thrice.
43. (210.) Mendoza that was vice-roy of Peru, was wont to say; That the government of Peru was the best place that the King of Spain gave, save that it was somewhat too near Madrid.
† 44. Secretary Bourn's son kept a gentleman's wife in Shropshire, who lived from her husband with him. When he was weary of her, he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home, and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation. The gentleman went to Sir Henry Sidney, to take his advice upon this offer; telling him ; That his wife promised now a new life; and, to tell him truth, five hundred pounds would come well with him ; and besides, that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed. By my troth, (said Sir Henry Sidney) take her home, and take the money; and then whereas other cuckolds wear their horns plain, you may wear yours gilt.
1 Melch. I. 1. 5. 22
45. (69.) There was a gentleman in Italy that wrate to a great friend of his, upon his advancement to be Cardinal ; That he was very glad of his advancement, for the Cardinal's own sake ; but he was sorry that himself had lost so good a friend.2
† 46. When Rabelais lay on his death-bed, and they gave him the extreme unction, a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards, and asked him; How he did ? Rabelais answered ; Even going my journey, they have
1 greased my boots already.
47. (70.) There was a King of Hungary took a Bishop in battle, and kept him prisoner. Whereupon the Pope writ a monitory to him, for that he had broken the privilege of Holy Church, and taken
The King sent an embassage to him, and sent withal the armour wherein the Bishop was taken, and this only in writing, Vide num hæc sit vestis filii tui.3
48. (135.) There was a suitor to Vespasian, who, 1 whom the Pope had newly advanced. R. 2 a good friend. R. Melchior (I. 2. 1.) gives this as written to Cardinal Ximenes on his being made archbishop of Toledo.
3 Know now whether this be thy son's coat? (Added in R.)