« AnteriorContinuar »
upon the judge said to him, that if he did urge that sentence, it must be, that he should go up to the top of the house, and then fall down
the tiler. 44. A rough-hewn seaman, being brought before a wise just-ass for some misdemeanour, was by him sent away to prison, and being somewhat refractory after he heard his doom, insomuch as he would not stir a foot from the place where he stood, saying it was better to stand where he was, than go to a worse place: The justice thereupon to shew the strength of his learning, took him by the shoulder, and said, thou shalt go nogus vogus, instead of nolens volens.
45. Francis the first of France, used for his pleasure sometimes to go disguised: so walking one day in the company of the cardinal of Bourbon near Paris, he met with a peasarit with a new pair of shoes upon his arm: so he called unto him, and said; by our lady these be good shoes, what did they cost thee? The peasant said, guess ; the king said, I think some five sols. Saith the peasant, you have lyed, but a carlois. What, villain, said the cardinal of Bourbon, thou art dead, it is the king. The peasant replied; the devil take him
and me, that knew so much. 46. There was a young man in Rome, that was very like Augustus Cæsar; Augustus took knowledge of him, and sent for the man, and asked
him, wasy our mother never at Rome? He answered; no, sir, but
father was. 47. A debauch'd seaman being brought before a justice of the peace upon the account of swearing, was by the justice commanded to deposit his fine in that behalf provided, which was two shillings; he thereupon plucking out of his pocket a half crown, asked the justice what was the rate he was to pay for cursing; the justice told him, six-pence: quoth he then, a pox take you
all for a company of knaves and fools, and there's half a crown for you, I will never stand changing of money.
48. Dionysius the elder, when he saw his son in many things very inordinate, said to him, did you ever know me do such things ? His son answered, no, but you had not a tyrant to your father; the father replied no, nor you
take these courses, will have a tyrant to your son.
49. Callisthenes the philosopher, that followed Alexander's court, and hated the king, being asked by one, how one should become the famousest man in the world, answered, by taking away him that is.
50. Agesilaus, when one told him there was one did excellently counterfeit a nightingale, and would have had him heard him, said; why, I have heard the nightingale herself.
51. A great nobleman, upon the complaint of a servant of his, laid a citizen by the heels, thinking to bend him to his servant's desire; but the fellow being stubborn, the servant came to his lord, and told him, your lordship I know hath gone as far as well you may, but it works not; for yonder fellow is more perverse than before. Said
lord, let's forget him a while, and then he will remember himself.
52. A witty rogue coming into a lace-shop, said, he had occasion for some lace; choice whereof being shewed him, he at last pitched upon one pattern, and asked them, how much they would have for so much as would reach from ear to ear, for so much he had occasion for. They told him for so much : so some few words passing between them, he at last agreed, and told down his money for it, and began to measure on his own head, thus saying ; one ear is here, and the other is nailed to the pillory in Bristol, and I fear you have not so much of this lace by you at present as will perfect my bargain: therefore this piece of lace shall suffice at present in part of payment, and provide the rest with all expedition.
53. There was a captain sent to an exploit by his general with forces that were not likely to atchieve the enterprize; the captain said to him, šir, appoint but half so many; why, saith the general? The captain answered; because it is better fewer die than more.
54. There was a harbinger who had lodged a gentleman in a very ill room, who expostulated with him somewhat rudely; but the harbinger carelessly said, you will take pleasure in it when you are out of it.
55. There is a Spanish adage, love without end hath no end; meaning, that if it were begun not upon particular ends it would last.
56. A woman being suspected by her husband for dishonesty, and being by him at last pressed very hard about it, made him quick answer, with many protestations, that she knew no more of what he said, than the man in the moon. Now the captain of the ship called the moon, was the very man she so much loved.
57. An apprentice of London being brought before the chamberlain by his master for the sin of incontinency, even with his own mistress, the chamberlain thereupon gave him many Christian exhortations; and at last he mentioned and press'd the chastity of Joseph, when his mistress tempted him with the like crime of incontinency. Ay, sir, said the apprentice; but if Joseph's mistress had been as handsome as mine is, he could not have forborn.
58. Bias gave precept, love as if you should
, hereafter hate; and hate as if
should hereafter love.
59. A company of scholars going together to catch conies, carried one scholar with them, which had not much more wit than he was born with ; and to him they gave in charge, that if he saw any, he should be silent, for fear of scaring of them. But he no sooner espied a company of rabbits before the rest, but he cryed aloud, ecce multi cuniculi, which in English signifies, behold many conies; which he had no sooner said, but the conies ran to their burrows: and he being checked by them for it, answered, who the devil would have thought that the rabbits understood Latin?
60. A Welchman being at a sessions-house, and seeing the prisoners hold up hands at the bar, related to some of his acquaintance there, that the judges were good fortune-tellers; for if they did but look upon their hand, they could certainly tell whether they should live or die.
61. Solon compared the people unto the sea, and orators and counsellors to the winds; for that the sea would be calm and quiet, if the winds did not trouble it.
62. A man being very jealous of his wife, insomuch that which way soever she went, he would be prying at her heels; and she being so grieved