No 263. Tuesday, Gratulor quod eum quem neceffe erat diligere, qualifcunque effet, talem habemus ut libenter quoque diligamus. Trebonius apud Tull. Mr. SPECTATOR, I Am the happy Father of a very towardly Son, in whom I do not only fee my Life, but alfo my Manner of Life, renewed. It would be extremely beneficial to Society, if you would frequently refume Subjects which ferve to bind thefe Sort of Relations faster, and endear the Tyes of Blood with thofe of Good-will, Protection, Obfervance, Indulgence and Veneration. I 'would, methinks, have this done after an uncommon • Method, and do not think any one, who is not capable, of writing a good Play, fit to undertake a Work where⚫ in there will neceffarily occur fo many fecret Inftin&ts, ' and Biaffes of human Nature which would pass unob. ⚫ ferved by common Eyes. I thank Heaven I have no outragious Offence against my own exellent Parents to ' answer for, but when I am now and then alone, and ⚫ look back upon my past Life, from my earlieft Infancy to this Time, there are many Faults which I committed that did not appear to me, even till I my felf became a Father. I had not till then a Notion of the Earnings of Heart, which a Man has when he sees his Child do a laudable Thing, or the fudden Damp which feizes him when he fears he will act fomething unworthy. It is not to be imagined, what a Remorfe touched me for a long Train of childish Negligences of my Mother, when I faw my Wife the other Day look out of the. • Window, and turn as pale as Afhes upon feeing my younger Boy fliding upon the Ice. These flight Intimations will give you to understand, that there are • numberless little Crimes which Children take no notice of while they are doing, which upon Reflexion, when they fhall themselves become Fathers, VOL. IV. C. they 6 6 they will look upon with the utmoft Sorrow and Contrition, that they did not regard, before those whom they offended were to be no more feen. How many thoufand Things do I remember, which would have highly pleafed my Father, and I omitted for no other Reafon, but that I thought what he propofed the Effect of Humour and old Age, which I am now convinced had Reafon and good Senfe in it. I cannot now go into the Parlour to him, and make his • Heart glad with an Account of a Matter which was of no Confequence, but that I told it, and acted in it. The good Man and Woman are long fince in their Graves, who used to fit and plot the Welfare of us their Children, while, perhaps, we were fometimes laughing at the old Folks at another End of the Houfe. The Truth of it is, were we merely to follow Nature in these great • Duties of Life, tho' we have a strong Inftin&t towards the performing of them, we fhould be on both Sides very deficient. Age is fo unwelcome to the Generality of Mankind, and Growth towards Manhood fo defirable to all, that Refignation to Decay is too difficult a • Task in the Father; and Deference amidst the Impulse of gay Defires, appears unreasonable to the Son. There are fo few who can grow old with a good Grace, and yet fewer who can come flow enough into the World, that a Father, were he to be actuated by his Defires, ⚫ and a Son, were he to confult himself only, could nei⚫ther of them behave himself as he ought to the other. But when Reason interpofes against Instinct, where it would carry either out of the Interests of the other, there arifes that happieft Intercourfe of good Offices between thofe deareft Relations of human Life. The Father according to the Opportunities which are offered to him, is throwing down Bleffings on the Son, and the Son endeavouring to appear the worthy Ofspring of fuch a Father. It is after this Manner that Camillus and his first-born dwell together. Camillus enjoys a pleafing and indolent old Age, in which Paffion is fubdued, and Reafon exalted. He waits the Day of his Diffolution with a Refignation • mixed with Delight, and the Son fears the Acceffion of his Father's Fortune with Diffidence, leit he should not I enjoy or become it as well as his Predeceffor. Add to this, that the Father knows he leaves a Friend to the • Children of his Friends, an easy Landlord to his Tenants, and an agreeable Companion to his Acquain• tance. He believes his Son's Behaviour will make him frequently remembred, but never wanted. This Commerce is fo well cemented, that without the Pomp of faying, Son, be a Friend to fuch a one when I am gone; • Camillus knows, being in his Favour, is Direction enough to the grateful Youth who is to fucceed him, without the Admonition of his mentioning it. Thefe • Gentlemen are honoured in all their Neighbourhood, and the fame Effect which the Court has on the Manners of a Kingdom, their Characters have on all who live within the Influence of them. • MY Son and I are not of Fortune to communicate our good Actions or Intentions to fo many as thefe Gentlemen do; but I will be bold to fay, my Son has, by the Applause and Approbation which his Behaviour to⚫wards me, has gained him, occafioned that many an old • Man, befides my felf, has rejoiced. Other Mens Chil ⚫dren follow the Example of mine, and I have the inexpreffible Happiness of overhearing our Neighbours as we ride by, point to their Children, and say, with a • Voice of Joy, There they go. 6 6 YOU cannot, Mr. SPECTATOR, pafs your Time better than in infinuating the Delights which thefe Re⚫lations well regarded beftow upon each other. Ordinary Paffages are no longer fuch, but mutual Love gives an Importance to the most indifferent things, and a Merit to Actions the moft infignificant..When we look round the World, and obferve the many Misunderstandings which are created by the Malice and Infinuation of the ' meaneft Servants between People thus related, how ne ceffary will it appear that it were inculcated that Men would be upon their Guard to fupport a Conftancy of • Affection, and that grounded upon the Principles of • Reafon, not the Impulses of Instinct. • IT is from the common Prejudices which Men re'ceive from their Parents, that Hatreds are kept alive ⚫ from one Generation to another; and when Men act by Inftinct, Hatreds will defcend when good Offices are forgotten. For the Degeneracy of human Life is fuch, ་ C 2 that 6 that our Anger is more eafily transferred to our Children than our Love. Love always gives fomething to the Object it delights in, and Anger fpoils the Perfon against whom it is moved of fomething laudable in him : From this Degeneracy therefore, and a fort of SelfLove, we are more prone to take up the Ill-will of our Parents, than to follow them in their Friendships. • ONE would think there fhould need no more to • make Men keep up this fort of Relation with the utmoft Sanctity, than to examine their own Hearts. If " every Father remembred his own Thoughts and Incli• nations when he was a Son, and every Son remembred ⚫ what he expected from his Father, when he himself was in a State of Dependence, this one Reflexion would preferve Men from being diffolute or rigid in these feveral Capacities. The Power and Subjection between them when broken, make them more emphatically Ty⚫rants and Rebels against each other, with greater Cruelty of Heart, than the Difruption of States and Empires can poffibly produce. I fhall end this Application to you with two Letters which paffed between a Mother ⚫ and Son very lately, and are as follows. Dear FRAN K, I you F the Pleasures, which I have the Grief to hear purfue in Town, do not take up all your Time, do not deny your Mother fo much of it, as to read feriously this Letter. You faid before Mr. Letacre, that an old Woman might live very well in the Country upon half my Jointure, and that your Father was a fond Fool to give me a Rent-Charge of Eight hundred a Year to the Prejudice of his Son. What Letacre faid to you up· on that Occafion, you ought to have born with more Decency, as he was your Father's well-beloved Servant, than to have called him Country-put. In the first Place, Frank, I muft tell you, I will have my Rent duly paid, ⚫ for I will make up to your Sifters for the Partiality I was guilty of, in making your Father do fo much as he has done for you. I may, it seems, live upon half my Jointure! I lived upon much lefs, Frank, when I carried you from Place to Place in these Arms, and could neither eat, drefs, or mind any Thing for Feed 6 6 ing and Tending you a weakly Child, and fhedding Tears when the Convulfions you were then troubled with returned upon you. By my Care you outgrew them, to throw away the Vigour of your Youth in the Arms of Harlots, and deny your Mother what is not yours to detain. Both your Sifters are crying to fee the • Paffion which I fmother; but if you pleafe to go on thus like a Gentleman of the Town, and forget all Regards to your felf and Family, I fhall immediately enter upon your Eftate for the Arrear due to me, and without one Tear more contemn you for forgetting the • Fondness of your Mother, as much as you have the Example of your Father. O Frank, do I live to omit Writing my felf, ་ MADAM, I Your Affectionate Mother, A. T. Will come down to-morrow and pay the Money on my Knees. Pray write fo no more. I will take care you never fhall, for I will be for ever hereafter Your moft dutiful Son, F. T. I will bring down new Heads for my Sifters. Pray let all be forgotten. T N° 264. Wednesday, January 2. I Secretum iter & fallentis Semita vite. Hor. T has been from Age to Age an Affectation to love the Pleasure of Solitude, among thofe who cannot poffibly be fuppofed qualified for paffing Life in that Manner. This People have taken up from reading the many agreeable Things which have been writ_ on that Subject, for which we are beholden to excellent Perfons who delighted in being retired and abftracted from the Pleasures that enchant the generality of the World. This way of Life |