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like the King, may be stiled Head of hoop, of a pattern which had never been the Church in his own parish. If the seen before in those parts. At another benefice be in his own gift, the vicar is church, in a corporation town, I taw his creature, and of consequence entire- several Negligees, with furbelowed ly at his devotion: or, if the care of the aprons, which had long disputed the church be left to a curate, the Sunday prize of superiority: but these were most fees of roast beef and plumb pudding, woefully eclipled by a burgess's daughand a liberty to shoot in the manor, ter, just come from London, who apwill bring hiin as much under the peared in a Trolloppe or Slammerkin, Squire's command as his dogs and horses. with treble ruses to the cuffs, pinked For this reaton the bell is often kept and gymped, and the sides of the pettitolling, and the people waiting in the coat drawn up in festoons. In some church-yard, an hour longer than the lefler borough towns, the contest, I ufual time; nor must the service begin found, lay between three or four black till the Squire has itruired up the aile, and green bibs and aprons: at one, a and f-ated himself in the great pew in the grocer's wife attracted our eyes, by a chancel. The length of the sermon is new fashioned cap, called a Joan; and, also measured by the will of the Squire, at another, they were wholly taken up by as formerly by the hour-glass: and I a mercer's daughter in a Nun's Hood. know one parish where the preacher has I need not lay any thing of the beha. always the complaisance to conclude his -viour of the congregations in thefe more discourse, however abruptly, the min polite places of religious resort; as the nute that the Squire gives the signal, by fame genteel ceremonies are practised riling up after his nap.
there, as at the most fashionable churches In a village church, the Squire's lady in town. The ladies, immediately on or the vicar's wife are perhaps the only their entrance, breathe a pious ejacufemales that are stared at for their lation through their fan-sticks, and the finery: but in the larger cities and towns, beaux very gravely address themselves where the neweit fashions are brought
to the Haberdashers Bills, glewed upon down weekly by the stage-coach or the linings of their hats. This pious waggon, all the wives and daughters duty is no tooner performed, than the of the most topping tradesmen vie with exercise of bowing and curtseying fuceach other every Sunday in the elegance ceeds: the locking and unlocking of the of their apparel. I could even trace pews drowns the reader's voice at the their gradations in their dress, accord beginning of the service; and the ruft. ing to the opulence, the extent, and the ling of fiiks, added to the whispering diltance of the place from London. I and tittering of so much good company, was at church in a populous city in the renders him totally urintelligible to the North, where the mace-bearer cleared very end of it. the way for Mrs. Mayoress, who came I am, dear Cousin, yours, &c. Idling after him in an enormous fan- T
No cxxxv. THURSDAY, AUGUST 26, 1756.
VOS SAPERE, ET SOLOS AIO BENE VIVERE, QUORUM
OCIT THRICE HAPPY, THAT CANST RANGE
Am sorry to have provoked the re- province of plain prose. I have found,
fentment of many of our present that the fame poetical genius, which poets by rejecting their compofitions; could foar to an Ode, can be wherted which, as they abounded n it: flown to a most cutting Satire against me and metaphors and compound epitiits, were, my works: and one in particular has I feared, top sublime for my humble poured forth his whole wrath upon me
in an Acrostic. But I need not offer Well then, fuppose them fix'd at lait,
And wanton in my lady's head.
" Well! to be ture, it must be owo'd, will readily distinguish them to come
• It is a charming (pot of ground: from the fame hand that has more than
« So sweet a distance for a ride, once obliged us in the course of this un- • And all about fi countryfy d! dertaking.
« 'Twould come but cu a trilling price,
« To make it quite a paradise.
Now withes for the rural thade, • Those ugly, broken, mouldy pales :
Although one hates to be expos'd,
'Tis dilmal to be thus inclos'd:
« One hardly any object fees
• I wish you'd fell those odious trees.
« Were something to amuse the eye:
• But to be pent within the walls The Cit commends the road and weather; • One might as well be at St. Paul's. While Madam doats upon the trees,
« Our house beholders wou id adore, And longs for every house she sees ;
( Was there a level lawn before ; Admires it's views, it's fatuation;
• Nothing it's views to incommode, And thus she opens her oration.
• But quite laid open to the road :
• While ev'ry trav'ler, in amaze, • What fignify the loads of wealth,
• Should on our little mansion gaze, « Without that richest jewel, health ?
• And, pointing to the choice retreat, « Excuse the fondness of a wife,
• Cry—“That's Sir Thrifty's Country Seat," • Who doats upon your precious life! « Such ceaseless toils, such constant care, No doubt, her arguments prevail; • Is more than human ftrength can bear: For Madam's PASTE can never fail. • One may observe it in your face
Blest age! when all men may procure olideed, my dear, you break apace :
The title of a Connoisseur;
When noble and ignoble herd
Are govern'd by a single word; « About a mile from Chaney Row:
Though, like the royal German dames,
It bears an hundred Christian names;
As Genius, Fancy, Judgment, Gout,
Whim, Caprice, Ye-ne-jai-quoi, Virtù: « One would not be outdone, my dear.'
Which appellations all describe
TASTE, and the modern tafieful tribe.
Now bricklayers, carpenters, and joiners,
With Chinese artists and defigners,
Produce their schemes of alteracion,
To work this wond'rous reformation.
The useful dome, which recret stood
Embosim'd in the yew.tree's woud,
The trav'ler with amazement lees
A temple, Gothic or Chinese,
A wooden arch is bent aftride
A ditch of water four feet wide;
With angle, curves, and zigzag lines,
From Halfpenny's exact designs.,
Without a shrub upon
green; Take but your places at the Boar,
Where Tafe would want its first great law, You're set down at the very door.
But for the kulking fly Ha-ba;
By whose miraculous affiftance
And there, without the power to fly,
All own, that Thrifty has a Taite:
Flock every Sunday to the Sear, Stretches his leaden bow for ever ;
To ftare about them, and to eat.
No CXXXVI. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1756.
HOMINEM PAGINA NOSTRA SAPIT.
TO PAINT MANKIND, OUR SOLE PRETENCE;
Welcome to lay by Ginefwho never like gether from books,nyet, as Pope lays,
above a quarter of an hour together on * Men may be read, as well as books, any one subject, are not expected to en- too much;' and it is to be lamented, ter into philofophical disquisitions, or that many, who have only consulted engage in abstract speculations : bus it the volume of life as it lay open before is supposed to be our principal aiin to them, have rather become worfe, than amuse and inftruct the reader, by a live- better, by their ftudies. They who ly representation of what passes round have lived wholly in the world, without about him. Thus, like those painters regarding the cominents on it, are gewho delineate the scenes of familiar life, nerally tainted with all it's vices; to we sometimes give a sketch of a Mar- which the gathering part of their inriage à-la-mode, sometimes draw the structions from books would perhaps outlines of a Modern Midnight Con- have proved an antidote. There, inversation, at anoiher time paint the co. deed, though they would have seen the mical distreiles of itinerant Tragedians in faults and foibles of mankind fairly rea barn, and at another give a fulldraught presented, yet vice would appear in an of the Rake or Harlot's Progress. Sume. odious, and virtue in an amiabie, light: times we divert the public by exhibiting but those, who unwarned go abroad fingle portraits; and when we meet with into the world, are often dazzied by the a subject, where the features are Itrong- fplendour with which wealth gilds vice ly marked by nature, and there is some. and infuny; and, being accuitomed to thing peculiarly characteristic in the fee bare-foot honesty treated with Icorn, whole manner, we employ ourselves in are themselves induced to consider it as drawing the piece at full length. In a contemptible. For this reason, I am a word, we consider all mankind as fitting good deal offended at the ingenious confor their pictures, and endeavour to trivance of our modern novelists and work up our pieces with lively traits, writers of comedy, who often glofs over and embellish them with beautiful co- a villainous character with the same faise louring; and though perhaps they are varnish chat Jackers so many coundrels not always highly finished, yet they in real life; and while they are exhibitfeldom, fail of pleasing some few, at ing a fellow who debauches your daughleast, of the vast multitude of Critics ter, or lies with your wite, reprel it and Connoisseurs, if we are so happy as him as an agreeable creature, a mn. of to hit off a Itriking likeness.
gallantry, and a fine g. nuleinan. There is perhaps no knowledge more The world, even the givet pa. of requisite, and certainly none at present it, may be painted like itfait, an. more ardently fought after, than the becoine a lfion of inttruétión. Tie Knowledge of the World. In this science pieces of Hub (to recur to the 1. we are more particularly expected to be luftration I firttinade ute of) are the adepts, as well as to initiate, or at least ful delineations of certain scenes o bie, improve our readers in it. And though and yet vice and foily always app ar
odious and contemptible. I could with for instance, the man of fashion reeks it it were possible to learn the Knowledge no where but in the polite circle of the of the World, without being 'hack- beau monde; while the man of business • neved in the ways of men :' but as looks no farther for it than the Alley, that is impracticable, it is still our duty I shall beg leave to illustrate this, by so to live in it, as to avoid being cor- concluding my paper with a description rupted by our intercourse with man- of two characters; each of whom, though kind. We should endeavour to guard diametrically opposite to the other, has against fraud, without becoming our- acquired a thorough knowledge of the selves deceitful; and to see every fpecies World. of vice and folly practised round about Sir Harry Flath had the good luck to us, without growing knaves and fools. be born before his brother Richard: The villainy of others is but a poor ex- confequently, the heir to the estate was crise for the loss of our own integrity: bred a gentleman, and the other conand though, indeed, if I am attacked denined to plod in the dull drudgery of on Hounslow Heath, I may lawfully kill business. The merchant was sent to the highwayman in my own delince; learn accompts at the Academy upon yet I should be very defervedly brought Tower Hill, and the baronet had the to the gallows, if I took a purse from finishing of his education in France. the next person I met, becaule I had Sir Harry is now a most accomplifhed been robbed myself.
fine gentleman, is an excellent judge of The Knowledge of the Worl!, as it fashions, and can calculate the odds at is generally used and understool, con. any game, as readily as Hoyle or DeGifts not so much in a due reflection on moivre: the Alderman is the most it's vices and follies, as in the practice knowing man upon Change, and un. of them; and those who conlider thum- deittanus the rise and fall of Stocks selves as best acquainted with it, are ei- better than any Jew. Both of them ther the dupes of fahion, or saves of know the world; but with this diffeinterest. luis also supposed to lic within relice, that one by his consummate the narrow compass of every man's owr knowledge has run out a large eitate, sphere of life, and receives a differen: in- while the other has railed a plumb by terpretation in different ftations. Thus, it,
NO CXXXVII. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 1756.
TO ALL HIS GULSTS A JOKE, THE GLUTTON LORD
TO MR. TOWN.
There are, I see, scattered up and
down your papers, several accoudts of W". WHAT cloying meat is love, the petty dittreffes and domestic concerns • when matrimony is the of private families. As
you have litt. • sauce to it!' says Sir John Brute. ened to many complaints from husbands, But if he had been married to such an I fatter myself, you will not refufe your Epicurean confort as I am joined with, attention to the humble remonftrance of those expressions, that favour of the a wife: being allured, that my only kitchen, would have been real, instead reason for thus serving up my dear lord of metaphorical. We live in a land as a new dish to gratity the public taste, really flowing with milk and honey, and is to check (if possible) his violent palkeep an house of entertainment for all fion for giving his friends entertaincomers and goers. We hardly ever lit ments of another kind; which, if indown to table less in number than twen- dulged much longer, must eat us out of ty or thirty, and very often to above honfe and home. double that number of dishes. In short, The magnificent feasts of Timon of Sir, so much feating has given me a Athens, or the stories of old English surfeit.
Hofpitality, would give you but a faint idea of the perpetual riot and luxury of of a Frenchman and a confe&tioner. our family.' Our house is always stored After the gratification of the appetite with as large a quantity of provisions, as with more substantial fare, this whipta garrison in expectation of a tiege, and fyllabub raree-Mew is served up chiefly thole too of the deareit and most extra- io feed the eye, not but that the matevagant kinů. Ortolans and woodcocks rial; of which the defert is composed, are is common as sparrows, and red are as expensive as the several ingre. mullets are scarce a greater rarity with dients in the dinner; and I will leave us than gudgeons or sprats; while tur
you to your own method of rating the tle and venison are regarded as branches rest, after telling you that my lord thinks of citizen-luxury, which scarce deserve himself an excellent economist, hy have notice among the many other delicacies ing reduced the expence of the Hotin which we abound. Authors, they house to a thousand per annum, which say, (you will pardon me, Mr. Town) perhaps the admirers of exotic fruits are seldom admitted to great entertain- will not think dear, since we have pinements; and I can assure you, that it is apples in as great plenty as golden-pipnot easy for any, but those who are pre pins or nonpareils. sent, to conceive the parade and extra- One would think that the first requivagance displayed in our house. I my site in eating was extravagance; and self am condemned to fit at the head of that, in order to have any thing very the table, while my lord is placed at the good, it mult be produced at a time other end, in pain and uneasiness at my when it is out of season. Therefore aukward niftakes in doing the honours. one of the principal uses of our Hotyou must know, Sir, that I was bred up
house is to invert the order of nature, under an housewifely aunt in the coun- and to turn winter into summer. Wc try, who taught me to pickle and pre
Tould be ashamed to see pease upon our serve, and gave me, as I thought, a to- table while they are to be had at a comJerable notion of cookery. But, alas ! mon market; but we never spare any though I understood plain boiled and cost to provide a good crop, by the arroaft, and have a very good notion of a distance of our hot-beds, at Christmas, pudding, I am often totally ignorant of We have no relish for cucumbers durthe names and compositions of the deli: ing the summer months, when they are cacies before me, and have imagined no rarity; but we take care to have themi fish to be fowl, and mistaken a petit forced in November. But my lord patièe for a plebeian mince-pie. In the mostly prides himself on the improvemean time, my lord is displaying his ments that he has made in his Mushexquisite taite, by deciding upon every room- beds; which he has at length dish, and pronouncing, with a critical brought to fo great perfection, that by Imack, upon the flavour of the wines; the help of horse-dung, and throwing all the while not a little folicitous about artificial sun-beams through a burning. the exactness of the Removes, and the glass, we can raise any quantity of Muthduly adjusting the entremets. Claret, rooms, of the right Italian kind, at two Burgundy, and Champagne abound, houis warning. like ale or small-beer; and even Her- From the Hot-house we may make a mitage and Tokay are swallowed with very natural transition to the Kitchen; as little remorse as Port or Lisbon. To ard as in the former every thing must add to all this, is most absurdly intro- be produced out of seafon, so every thing duced the French custom of serving in in the latter must undergo a strange me. les Liqueurs; which confiit of almost as tamorphosis. The ordinary distinctions many sorts, as are contained in the ad- of fith, fleth, and fowl, are quite devertisements from the Rich Cordial stroyed; and nothing comes upon table Warehouse. In a word every common under it's proper form and appellation. dinner with us is a feast; and when we It is impossible to conceive what valt have what my lord calls an entertain- fums are melted down into fauces! We ment, it is an absolute debauch.
have a cargo of hams every year from But there is no part of this monstrous Westphalia, only to extract the Effence expence affects ine so much as the vast of them for our soups. Half a dozen fums ridiculously lavished on a Desert. turkies have been killed in one day, This piece of folly and extravagance merely for the sake of the pinions ; I could be nothing but the joint product have known a whole pond dragged, to