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I have read. Your paper comes constantly Greek, Hebrew, and the Orientals: at the same down to me, and it affects me so much, that time that he published his aversion to those I find my thoughts run into your way: and I languages, he said that the knowledge of them recommend to you a subject upon which you was rather a diminution than an advance. have not yet touched, and that is, the satisfac-ment of a man's character : though at the tion some men seem to take in their imperfec- same time I know he languishes and repines tions: I think one may call it glorying in he is not master of them himself. Whenever their insufficiency. A certain great author is I take any of these fine persons thus detractof opinion it is the contrary to envy, thoughing from what they do not understand, I tell perhaps it may proceed from it. Nothing is them I will complain to you ; and say I am so common as to hear men of this sort, speak- sure you will not allow it an exception against ing of themselves, add to their own merit (as a thing, that he who contemns it is an igno they think) by impairing it, in praising them- rant in it. selves for their defects, freely allowing they
I am, Sir, commit some few frivolous errors, in order to
• Your most humble servant, be esteemed persons of uncominop talents and
"S. T.' great qualifications. They are generally pro
:'MR. SPECTATOR, fessing an injudicious neglect of dancing, fencing, and riding, as also an unjust conteinpt for
I am a man of a very good estate, and am travelling, and the modern languages; as for)
honourably in love. I hope you will allow, their part, they say, they never valued or
when the ultimate purpose is honest, there troubled their heads about them. This pane-may be, w
2. may be, without trespass against innocence, gyrical satire on themselves certainly is wor. some toying by the way. People of condition thy of your animadversion. I have known
are perhaps too distant and forinal on those one ofthese gentlemen think himself obliged to occasions; but bowever that is, I am to corforget the day of an appointment, and some tess to you that I have writ some verses to times even that you spoke to him; and when atone for iny offence. You professed authors you see 'em, they hope you'll pardon 'em, for
or are a little severe upon us, who write like gen. they have the worst memory in the world."
tlemen : but if you are a friend to love, you One of 'em started up t'other day in some con-|
will insert my poem. You cannot imagine how fusion, and said, “ Now I think on't, I am to
inuch service it would do me with my fair one, meet Mr. Mortmain, the attorney, about som
as well as reputation with all my friends, to business, but whether it is to-day or to-morrow,"
have sometbing otmine in the Spectator. My 'faith I can't tell. Now, to my certain know
'crime was, that I snatched a kiss, and my poel. Jedge, he knew his time to a moment, and was ical excuse as
ne ical excuse as follows: there accordingly. These forgetful persons have, to heighten their crime, generally the ** Belinda, see from yonder flowers best memories of any people, as I have found
The bee firs louded to its cell; out by their remembering sometimes through
Can yol perceive what it devours !
Are they impaired in show or smell inadvertency. Two or three of 'em that I know can say most of our modern tragedies
II. by heart. I asked a gentleman the other day “So, though I robb'd you of a kiss,
Sweeter than their ambrosial dew: that is famous for a good carver (at which
Why are you angry at my bliss ? acquisition he is out of countenance, ima
Has it at all in poverish'd you ? ging it may detract from some of his more essential qualifications) to help me to some
“'Tis by this cunning I contrive, thing that was ncar bim ; but he excused him
In spite of your unkind reserve, self, and blushing told me, "of all things he To keep my fomish'd love alive could never carve in his life ;' though it can
Which you inhumanly would starve." be proved upon him that he cuts up, disjoints,
"I am, Sir, and uncases with incomparable dexterity. 1
Your humble servant, would not be understood as if I thought it
• TIMOTHY STANZA.' laudable for a man of quality and fortune to rival the acquisitionsofartificers, and endeavour
Aug. 23, 1712. to excel in little handy qualities; no, I argue ‘Having a little time upon my hands, I only against being ashamed of what is really could not think of bestowing it better, than in praise-worthy. As these pretences to ingenuity writing an epistle to the Spectator, which I show themselves several ways, you will often now do, and am, Sir. see a man of this temper ashamed to be clean,
Your humble servant, and setting up for wit, only for negligence in
BOB SHORT.' his habit. Now I am upon this head, I cannot P. S. If you approve of my style, I am help observing also upon a very different folly likely enough to become your correspondent. proceeding from the same cause. As these I desire your opinion of it. I design it for that above-mentioned arise from affecting an equa- I way of writing called by the judicious “the lity with men of greater talents, from having familiar." the same faults, there are others that would come at a parallel with those above them, by No. 474.) Wednesday, September 3, 1712. possessing little advantages which they want.
Asperitas agrestis et inconcinnaI heard a young man not long ago, who bas
Hor. Ep. 18. Lib. 1. 6. Sevse, comfort himself in his ignorance of Rude, rustic, and inelegant. Pol. II.
4 ÅR. SPECTATOR,
county, be established a club of the persons BEING of the number of those that have whose conversations I have described, who for lately retired from the centre of business and their own private, as also the public emolu. pleasure, my uneasiness in the country, where ment, should exclude, and be excluded, all I am, arises rather from the society than the other society. Their attire should be the solitude of it. To be obliged to receive and same with their huntsmen's, and none should return visits from and to a circle of neighbours, be admitted into this green conversation piece, who, through diversity of age or inclinations, except he had broke his collar-bone thrice. can neither be entertaining uor serviceable to A broken rib or two might also admit a man us, is a vile loss of time, and a slavery from without the least oppostion. The president which a man should deliver himself, if possi- must necessarily have broken his neck, and ble: for why must I lose the remaining part have been taken up dead once or twice : for of my life, because they have thrown away the the more maims this brotherhood shall have former part of theirs ? It is to me an insup- met with, the easier will their conversation portable affliction, to be tormented with the low and keep up; and when any one of these narrations of a set of people, who are warm in vigorous invalids had finished his narration of their expressions of the quick relish of that the collar-bone, this naturally would intropleasure which their dogs and horses have a duce the history of the ribs. Besides, the difmore delicate taste of. I do also in my heart ferent circumstances of their falls and fracdetest and abhor that damnable doctrine and stures would help to prolong and diversify position of the necessity of a bumper, though their relations. There should also be another to one's own toast; for though it be pretended club of such men who have not succeeded so that these deep potations are used only to in- well in maiming themselves, but are however spire gaiety, they certainly drown that cheer- in the constant pursuit of these accomplishfulness which would survive a moderate circu- ments. I would by no means be suspected, lation. If at these meetings it were left to by what I have said, to traduce in general every stranger either to fill his glass accord- the body of fox-hunters; for whilst I look ing to his own inclination, or to make his re- upon a reasonable creature full speed after treat when he finds he has been sufficiently a pack of dogs by way of pleasure, and not obedient to that of others, these entertain- of business, I shall always make honourable ments would be governed with more good mention of it. sense, and consequently with more good-breed. “But the most irksome conversation of all ing, than at present they are. Indeed, where others I have met with in the neighbourhood, any of the guests are known to measure has been among two or three of your travel. their fame or pleasure by their glass, proper lers, who have overlooked men and manners, exhortations might be used to these to push and have passed through France and Italy their fortunes in this sort of reputation ; but, with the same observation that the carriers where it is unseasonably insisted on to a and stage-coachmen do through Great Brimodest stranger, this drench may be said tain; that is, their stops and stages have been to be swallowed with the same necessity, as regulated according to the liquor they have if it had been tendered in the horn for that met with in their passage. They indeed repurpose, with this aggravating circumstance, member the names of abundance of places, that it distresses the entertainer's guest in the with the particular fineries of certain church same degree as it relieves his horses.
es; but their distinguishing mark is certain • To attend without impatience an account prettinesses of foreign languages, the meanof five-barred gates, double ditches, and preci- ing of which they could have better expresspices, and to survey the orator with desiring ed in their own. The entertainment of these eyes, is to me extremely difficult, but abso- fine observers. Shakespeare has described to lutely necessary, to be upon tolerable terms consist with him: but then the occasional bursting out into laughter, is of all other accomplish
“In talking of the Alps aud Appennines, ments the most requisite. I confess at present
The Pyrenean, and the river Po:” I have not that command of these convulsions and then concludes with a sigh : as is necessary to be good company; there
"Now this is worshipful society !" fore I beg you would publish this letter, and let me be known all at once for a queer 'I would not be thought in all this to date fellow and avoided. It is monstrous to me, such honest creatures as dogs; I am only unthat we who are given to reading and calm happy that I cannot partake in tbeir diversions, conversation should ever be visited by these But I love them so well, as dogs, that I often roarers : but they think they themselves, as go with my pockets stuffed with bread to disneighbours, may come into our rooms with the pense my favours, or make my way through same right that they and their dogs hunt in them at neighbours' houses. There is in par. our grounds.
ticular a young hound of great expectation, vi. * Your institution of clubs I have always vacity, and enterprise, that attends my fights admired, in which you constantly endeavour-wherever he spies me. This creature observes ed the union of the metaphorically defunct, my countenance, and behaves himself accordthat is, such as are neither serviceable to the ingly. His mirth, his frolic, and joy, upon busy and enterprising part of mankind, nor the sight of me has been observed, and I entertaining to the retired and speculative. have been gravely desired not to encourage There should certainly, therefore, in each him so much, for it spoils his parts; but I think he shows them sufficiently in the seve Campbell,* the dumb man ; for they told me ral boundings, friskings, and scourings, when that that was chiefly what brought them to be makes his court to me : but I foresee in town, having heard wonders of bim in Essex. a little time he and I must keep company I, who always wanted faith in matters of that with one another only, for we are fit for kind, was not easily prevailed on to go; but, no other in these parts. Having informed lest they should take it ill, I went with them; you how I do pass my time in the country when, to my surprise, Mr. Campbell related where I am, I must proceed to tell you how all their past life; in short, had he not been I would pass it, bad I such a fortune as would prevented, such a discovery would have come put me above the observance of ceremony and out as would have ruined the next design of custom.
their coming to town, viz. buying wedding *My scheme of a country life then should clothes. Our names though he never heard be as follows. As I am happy in three or four of us before and we endeavoured to con very agreeable friends, these I would constantly ceal- were as familiar to him as to ourselves. have with me ; and the freedom we took with To be sure, Mr. Spectator, he is a very learnone another at school and the university, we ed and wise man. Being impatient to know would maintain and exert upon all occasions my fortune, having paid my respects in a fawith great courage. There should be certain mily Jacobus, he told me, after his manner, hours of the day to be employed in reading, among several other things, that in a year and during which time it should be impossible for nine months I should fall ill of a fever, be giany one of us to enter the other's chamber, ven over by my my physicians, but should unless by storm. After this we would commu- with much difficulty recover : that, the first nicate the trash or treasure we had met with, time I took the air afterwards, I should be adwith our own reflections upon the matter; dressed to by a young gentleman of a plentithe justness of which we would controvert with ful fortune, good sense, and a generous spirit. good-humoured warmth, and never spare one Mr. Spectator, he is the purcst man in the another out of that complaisant spirit of con- world, for all he said is come to pass, and I versation, which makes others affirm and deny am the happiest she in Kent. I have been in the same matter in a quarter of an hour. If quest of Mr. Campbell these three montbs, any of the neighbouring gentlemen, not of our and cannot find him out. Now, hearing you turn, should take it in their heads to visit me, are a dumb man too, I thought you might corI should look upon these persons in the same respond, and be able to tell me something; degree enemies to my particular state of hap- for I think myself highly obliged to make his piness, as ever the French were to that of the fortune, as he has mine. It is very possible public, and I would be at an annual expense your worship, who has spies all over this town, in spies to observe their motions. Whenever can inform me how to send to him. If you I should be surprised with a visit, as I hate can, I beseech you be as speedy, as possible, drinking, I would be brisk in swilling bumpers, and you will highly oblige upon this maxim, that it is better to trou Your constant reader and admirer, ble others with my impertinence, than to be . DULCIBELLA THANKLEY.' troubled myself with theirs. The necessity of an infirmary makes me resolve to fall into that Ordered, That the inspector I employ about project; and as we should be but five, the ter- wonders, inquire at the Golden Lion, opposite rors of an involuntary separation, which our to the Half-Moon tavern in Drury-lane, into number cannot so well admit of, would make the merits of this silent sage, and report acus exert ourselves in opposition to all the cordingly.
T. particulars mentioned in your institution of that equitable confinement. This my way of No. 475.) Thursday September 4, 1712. life I know would subject me to the imputa
Quæ res in se neque consilium, neque modum tion of a morose, covetous, and singular fel
Habet ullum, eam consilio regere non potes. low. These and all other hard words, with
Ter. Eun. Act. i. Se. 1. all manner of insipid jests, and all other re
The thing that in itself has neither measure or consi. proach, would be matter of mirth to me and deration, counsel cannot rule. my friends: besides, I would destroy the application of the epithets morose and covetous. It is an old observation, which has been by a yearly relief of my undeservedly neces- made of politicians who would rather ingrasitous neighbours, and by treating my friends tiate themselves with their sovereign, than proand domestics with a humanity that should mote his real service, that they accommodate express the obligation to lie rather on my side; their counsels to his inclinations, and advise and as for the word singular, I was always of him to such actions only as his heart is natuopinion every man must be so, to be what one rally set upon. The privy counsellor of one would desire him.
in love must observe the same conduct, unless “ Your very humble servant,
he would forfeit the friendship of the person
who desires his advice. I have known seveJ. R.'
ral odd cases of this nature. Hipparchus was "MR. SPECTATOR,
* Duncan Campbell announced hiniself to the public About two years ago I was called upon by as a Scotch highlander, gifted with the second sight. He the younger part of a country family, by my
was, or pretended to be, deaf and dumb, and succeeded
in making a fortune to himself, by practising for some mother's side related to me, to visit Mr. years on the credulity of the vulgar in the ignom
character of a fortune-teller.
going to marry a comon woman, but being|feit the reputation which I have with her for resolved to do nothing without the advice of wisdom, I shall only communicate the letter his friend Philander, he consulted him upon to the public, without returning any answer the occasion. Philander told him his mind to it. freely, and represented his mistress to him in such strong colours, that the next morning he 'MR. SPECTATOR, received a challenge for his pains, and before. Now, sir, the thing is this; Mr. Shapely twelve o'clock was run through the body by is the prettiest gentleman about town. He is. the man who had asked his advice. Celia very tall, but not too tall neither. He dances was more prudent on the like occasion. She like an angel. His mouth is made I do not desired Leovilla to give her opinion freely up-know how, but it is the prettiest that I ever on the young fellow who made his addresses saw in my life. He is always laughing, for he to her. Leonilla, to oblige her, told her, with has an infinite deal of wit. If you did but ses great frankness, that she looked upon him as how he rolls his stockings! He has a thousand one of the most worthless-Celia, foreseeing pretty fancies, and I am sure, if you saw him, what a character she was to expect, begged you would like him. He is a very good schoher not to go on. for that she had been pri- lar, and can talk Latin as fast as English. I vately married to him above a fortnight. The wish you could but see him dance. Now you truth of it is, a woman seldom asks advice be- must understand, poor Mr. Shapely has no fore she has bought her wedding clothes. estate; but how can he help that, you know? When she has made her own choice, for form's And yet my friends are so unreasonable as to sake, she sends a congé d' élire to her friends. be always teasing me about him, because he
If we look into the secret springs and mo- has no estate; but I am sure he has what is tives that set people at work on these occa. better than an estate; for he is a good-natured, sions, and put them upon asking advice which ingenious, modest, civil, tall, well-bred, handthey never intend to take; I look upon it to some man; and I am obliged to him for his be none of the least, that they are incapable civilities ever since I saw him. I forgot to of keeping a secret which is so very pleasing tell you that he has black eyes, and looks up to them. A girl longs to tell her confidant, on me now and then as if he had tears in that she hopes to be married in a little time; them. And yet my friends are so unreasona. and, in order to talk of the pretty fellow that ble, that they would have me be uncivil to him. dwells so much in her thoughts, asks her I have a good portion which they cannot hinvery gravely, what she would advise her to der me of, and I shall be fourteen on the 29th do in a case of so much difficulty. Why else day of August next, and am therefore willing should Melissa, who had not a thousand pounds to settle in the world as soon as I can, and so in the world, go into every quarter of the is Mr. Shapely. But every body I advise with town to ask her acquaintance, whether they here is poor Mr. Shapely's enemy. I desire would advise her to take Tom Townly, that therefore you will give me your advice, for I made his addresses to her with an estate of know you are a wise man; and if you advise five thousand a-year? It is very pleasant, on me well, I am resolved to follow it. I beartily this occasion, to hear the lady propose her wish you could see him dance; and am, doubts, and to see the pains she is at to get
Sir, over them.
Your most humble servant, I must not here omit a practice which is in
•B. D. use among the vainer part of our sex, who will 'He loves your Spectators mightily.' C. often ask a friend's advice in relation to a fortune whom they are never like to come at. No. 476.] Friday, September 5, 1712. Will Honeycomb, who is now on the verge of threescore, took me aside not long since, and
-Lucidus ordo. Hor. Ars Poel. 41. asked me in his most serious look, whether I ' Method gives light. would advise him to marry my lady Betty Single, who, by the way, is one of the great Amoxg my daily papers which I bestow on est fortunes about town. I stared him full in the public, there are some which are written the face upon so strange a question ; upon with regularity and method, and othere that which he immediately gave me an inventory run out into the wildness of those composiof her jewels and estate, adding, that he wastions which go by the name of essays. As resolved to do nothing in a matter of such for the first, I have the whole scheme of the consequence without my approbation. Find- discourse in my mind before I set pen to paing he would have an answer, I told him if he per. In the other kind of writing, it is sufcould get the lady's consent, he had mine. (ficient that I have several thoughts on a subThis is about the tenth match which, to myject, without troubling myself to range them knowledge, Will has consulted his friends up- in such order, that they may seem to grow on, without ever opening his mind to the par-Jout of one another, and be disposed under ty herself.
the proper heads. Seneca and Montaigne I have been engaged in this subject by the are patterns for writing in this last kind, as following letter, which comes to me from Tully and Aristotle excel in the other. When some notable young female scribe, who, by I read an author of genius who writes without the contents of it, seems to have carried mat- method, I fancy myself in a wood thet abounds ters so far, that she is vipe for asking advice : with a great many noble objects, rising one but as I would not lose her good will, nor for-lamong another in the greatest confusion and
disorder. When I read a methodical discourse, shrewd intimations that he does not believe I am in a regular plantation, and can place another world. In short, Puzzle is an atheist myself in its several centres, so as to take a as much as his parts will give him leave. He view of all the lines and walks that are struck has got about half a dozen common-place tofrom them. You may ramble in the one a pics, into which he never fails to turn the convhole day together, and every moment dis- versation, whatever was the occasion of it. cover something or other that is new to you; Though the matter in debate be about Douay but when you have done, you will have but a or Denain, it is ten to one but half his discourse confused, imperfect, notion of the place : in runs upon the unreasonableness of bigotry and the other your eye commands the whole pros- priest-craft. This makes Mr. Puzzle the adpect, and gives you such an idea of it as is miration of all those who have less sense than not easily worn out of the memory.
himself, and the contempt of all those who Irregularity and want of method are only have more. There is none in town whom Tom supportable in men of great learning or ge- dreads so much as my friend Will Dry. Will, nius, who are often too full to be exact, and who is acquainted with Tom's logic, when he therefore choose to throw down their pearls in finds him running off the question, cuts him heaps before the reader, rather tban be at the short with a “What then ? We allow all this pains of stringing them.
to be true; but what is it to our present purMethod is of advantage to a work, both in pose ?' I have known Tom eloquent half an respect to the writer and the reader. In re-, hour together, and triumphing, as he thought, gard to the first, it is a great help to his in- in the superiority of the argument, when he vention. When a man has planned his dis has been nonplussed on a sudden by Mr. Dry's course, he finds a great many thoughts rising desiring him to tell the company what it was out of every head, that do not offer themselves that he endeavoured to prove. In short, Dry upon the general survey of a subject. His is a man of a clear methodical head, but few thoughts are at the same time more intelligible, words, and gains the same advantage over and better discover their drift and meaning, Puzzle that a small body of regular troops when they are placed in their proper lights, would gain over a numberless andisciplined and follow one another in a regular series, militia. than when they are thrown together without order and connexion. There is always ann a
an No. 477.]
Saturday, September 6, 1712.
S. obscurity in confusion ; and the same sentence that would have enlightened the reader in one
An me ludit amabilis part of a discourse, perpleses him in another. I
Insania ? audire et videor pios
Errare per lucos, amonte For the same reason, likewise, every thought
Quos et aquæ subeunt et aur. in a methodical discourse shows itself in its
Hor. Od. iy. Lib. 3. 5. greatest beauty, as the several figures in a
- Docs airy fancy cheat piece of painting receive new grace from their My mind, well pleas'd with the deceit 3 disposition in the picture. The advantages of I seem to hear, I seem to move, a reader from a methodical discourse are cor
And wander through the happy grove,
Where smooth springs flow, and inurm'ring breeza respondent with those of the writer. He com
Wanton through the waving trees.
Cruch. prehends every thing easily, takes it in with pleasure, and retains it long
Method is not less requisite in ordinary con- “Having lately read your essay on the Plea-versation than in writing, provided a man sures of the Imagination, I was so taken with would talk to make himself understood. I, your thoughts upon some of our English gar: who hear a thousand coffee-house debates eve-dens, that I cannot forbear troubling you with ry day, am very sensible of this want of method a letter upon that subject. I am one, you muss · in the thoughts of my honest countrymen. know, who am looked upon as a humorist
There is not one dispute in ten which is mana-Jin gardening. I have several acres about ged in those schools of politics, where, after my house which I call my garden, and which the three first sentences, the question is not en- a skillful gardener would not know what to tirely lost. Our disputants put me in mind of call. It is a confusion of kitchen and parterre; the scuttle-fish, that when he is unable to ex- orchard and flower-garden, which lie so mixt tricate himself, blackens all the water about and interwoven with one another, that if a fo. him until he becomes invisible. The man who reigner who had seen nothing of our country. does not know how to methodise his thoughts, should be conveyed into my garden at his first has always, to borrow a phrase from the Dis-landing, he would look upon it as a natural pensary, a barren superfluity of words the wilderness, and one of the uncultivated parts fruit is lost amidst the exuberance of leaves of our country. My flowers grow up in several
Tom Puzzle is one of the most eminent im- parts of the garden in the greatest luxuriancy methodical disputants of any that has fallen and profusior
fallen and profusion. I am so far from being fond under my observation. Tom has read enough of a
Tom has read enough of any particular one, by reason of its rarity, to make him very impertinent: his knowledge that if I meet with any one in a field which is sufficient to raise doubts, but not to clear pleases me, I give it a place in my garden. them. It is pity that he has so much learning, By this means, when a stranger walks with or that he has not a great deal more. With me, he is surprised to see several large spots these qualifications Tom sets up for a free- of ground covered with ten thousand different thinker finds a great many things to blame colours, and has often singled out flowers that in the constitution of his country, and gives he might have met with under a common