ents, when the plain path to portance of his character, it might be visible tness and success, in the way of from what he could say, that no soldier enterin, is wholly overlooked. Is it ing a breach adventures more for honour, than e that a young man at present could the trader does for wealth to his country. In ss his time better than in reading the histo- both cases, the adventurers have their own adry of stocks, and knowing by what secret vantage; but I know no cases wherein every springs they have had such sudden ascents body else is a sharer in the success. and falls in the same day? Could he be bet- It is objected by readers of history, that the ter conducted in his way to wealth, which is battles in those narrations are scarce ever to the great article of life, than in a treatise dated be understood. This misfortune is to be asfrom Change-alley by an able proficient there?cribed to the ignorance of historians in the Nothing certainly could be more useful, than methods of drawing up, changing the forms of to be well instructed in his hopes and fears; a battalia, and the enemy retreating from, as to be diffident when others exult; and with a well as approaching to, the charge. But in secret joy buy when others think it their inte- the discourses from the correspondents whom rest to sell. I invite all persons who have any I now invite, the danger will be of another thing to say for the proffitable information of kind; and it is necessary to caution them only the public, to take their turns in my paper; against using terms of art, and describing they are welcome, from the late noble invent-things that are familiar to them in words unor of the longitude, to the humble author of known to the reader. I promise myself a straps for razors. If to carry ships in safety, great harvest of new circumstances, persons, to give help to a people tossed in a troubled and things, from this proposal; and a world, sea, without knowing to what shores they which many think they are well acquainted bear, what rocks to avoid, or what coast to with, discovered as wholly knew. This sort pray for in their extremity, be a worthy labour, of intelligence will give a lively image of the and an invention that deserves a statue; at chain and mutual dependence of human socithe same time, he who has found a means to ety, take off impertinent prejudices, enlarge let the instrument which is to make your vi- the minds of those whose views are confined sage less horrible, and your person more smug, to their own circumstances; and, in short, easy in the operation, is worthy of some kind if the knowing in severrl arts, professions, of good reception. If things of high mo- and trades, will exert themselves, it cannot ment meet with renown, those of little conside- but produce a new field of diversion and inration, since of any consideration, are not to struction, more agreeable than has yet appearbe despised. In order that no merit may lie ed. hid, and no art unimproved, I repeat it, that I call artificers, as well as philosophers, to my assistance in the public service. It would be of great use if we had an exact history of the successes of every great shop within the city walls, what tracts of land have been purchased by a constant attendance within a walk of thirty foot. If it could also be noted in the equipage of those who are ascended from the successful trade of their ancestors into figure and equipage, such accounts would quicken industry in the pursuit of such acquisitions, and discountenance luxury in the enjoyment of them. No. 429.] Saturday, July 12, 1712. Vocibus -Populumque falsis dedocet uti MR. SPECTATOR, T. Creech. 'SINCE I gave an account of an agreeable set of company which were gone down into the country, I have received advices from thence, that the institution of an infirmary for those who should be out of humour has had To diversify these kinds of informations, the very good effects. My letters mention particindustry of the female world is not to be un-ular circumstances of two or three persons, observed. She to whose household virtues it who had the good sense to retire of their own is owing, that men do honour to her husband, accord, and notified that they were withdrawn, should be recorded with veneration; she who with the reasons of it to the company, in their has wasted his labours, with infamy. When respective memorials.' we are come into domestic life in this manner, Spinster, 86 SHOWETH, "That conscious of her own want of merit, accompanied with a vanity of being admired, she had gone into exile of her own accord. to awaken caution and attendance to the main" The humble Memorial of Mrs. Mary Dainty, point, it would not be amiss to give now and then a touch of tragedy, and describe that most dreadful of all human conditions, the case of bankruptcy: how plenty, credit, cheerfulness, full hopes, and easy possessions, are in an instant turned into penury, faint aspects, diffidence, sorrow, and misery; how the man, who with an open hand the day before could administer to the extremities of others is shun-assembly. ned to day by the friend of his bosom. It" That she desired, before she appeared in would be useful to show how just this is on the public again, she might have assurances, that negligent, how lamentable on the industrious. though she might be thought handsome, there A paper written by a merchant might give might not more address of compliment be paid this island a true sense of the worth and im-to her than to the rest of the company. "She is sensible, that a vain person is the most insufferable creature living in a well-bred "That she conceived it a kind of superiority," That he intends to prepare himself, by abthat one person should take upon him to com-stinence and thin diet, to be one of the commend another. pany, "That at present he comes into a room as "Lastly, that she went into the infirmary, to avoid a particular person, who took upon if he were an express from abroad. him to profess an admiration of her. "She therefore prayed, that to applaud out of due place might be declared an offence, and punished in the same manner with detraction, in that the latter did but report persons defective, and the former made them so. "All which is submitted, &c." "That he has chosen an apartment with a matted antichamber, to practise motion without being heard. "That he bows, talks, drinks, eats, and helps himself before a glass, to learn to act with moderation. "That by reason of his luxuriant health he is oppressive to persons of composed behaviour. "That he is endeavouring to forget the wordpshaw, pshaw." "That he is also weaning himself from his 'There appeared a delicacy and sincerity in this memorial very uncommon; but my friend informs me, that the allegations of it were groundless, insomuch that this declaration of an aversion to being praised was understood to be no other than a secret trap to purchase it, "That when he has learnt to live without for which reason it lies still on the table unan- his said cane, he will wait on the company, swered.' cane. &c." "The Memorial of John Rhubarb, esq. 66 SHOWETH, "That your petitioner has retired to the in qual-firmary, but that he is in perfect good health' except that he has by long use, and for want of discourse, contracted an habit of complaint that he is sick. That the lady Lydia is a woman of ity; married to a private gentleman. "That she finds herself neither well or ill. "That her husband is a clown. "That the lady Lydia cannot see company; "That she desires the infirmary may be her apartment during her stay in the country. "That they would please to make merry with their equals. "That he wants for nothing under the sun, but what to say, and therefore has fallen into this unhappy malady of complaining that he is sick. "That this custom of his makes him, by his "That Mr. Loller might stay with them if own confession, fit only for the infirmary, and he thought fit." therefore he has not waited for being senten "It was immediately resolved, that lady Ly-ced to it. dia was still at London.' "That he is conscious there is nothing more improper than such a complaint in good com "The humble Memorial of Thomas Sudden, esq. pany, in that they must pity, whether they of the Inner Temple. SHOWETH, think the lamenter ill or not; and that the complainant must make a silly figure, whether he is pitied or not. "Your petitioner humbly prays that he may "That Mr. Sudden is conscious that he is have people to know how he does, and he will too much given to argumentation. "That he talks loud. debate. make his appearance." The valetudinarian was likewise easily ex"That he is apt to think all things matter of cused and the society, being resolved not only to make it their business to pass their time "That he stayed behind in Westminster- agreeably for the present season, but also to hall, when the late shake of the roof happen- commence such habits in themselves as may ed, only because a counsel of the other side as- be of use in their future conduct in general, serted it was coming down, are very ready to give into a fancied or real incapacity to join with their measures, in order to have no humourist, proud man, impertinent or sufficient fellow, break in upon their happiness. Great evils seldom happen to disturb company; but indulgence in particularities of humour is the seed of making half our time hang in suspense, or waste away under real discomposures. "That he cannot for his life consent to any thing. "That he stays in the infirmary to forget himself. "That as soon as he has forgot himself, he will wait on the company." "His indisposition was allowed to be sufficient to require a cessation from company.' "The Memorial of Frank Jolly. 'Among other things, it is carefully provided that there may not be disagreeable familiarities. No one is to appear in the public 26 SHOWETH, rooms undressed, or enter abrubtly into each "That he hath put himself into the infir- other's apartment without intimation. Every mary, in regard he is sensible of a certain rus-one has hitherto been so careful in his behatic mirth, which renders him unfit for polite viour, that there has but one offender, in ten conversation. days' time, been sent into the infirmary, VOL. II 20 at whist. and that was for throwing away his cards beholds a miserable object without pitying it. But in order to remove such impediments, I 'He has offered his submission in the fol- wish, Mr. Spectator, you would give us a dislowing terms :' course upon beggars, that we may not pass by "The humble petition of Jeoffry Hotspur, esq. I looked out of my window the other morning true objects of charity, or give to impostors. 66 SHOWETH, earlier than ordinary, and saw a blind beggar, an hour before the passage he stands in is freThough the petitioner swore, stamped, quented, with a needle and a thread thriftily and threw down his cards, he has all imaginable mending his stockings. My astonishment was respect for the ladies, and the whole company. still greater, when I beheld a lame fellow, "That he humbly desires it may be con- whose legs were too big to walk within an hour sidered, in the case of gaming, there are many after, bring him a pot of ale. I will not menmotives which provoke the disorder. tion the shakings, distortions, and convulsions, which many of them practice to gain an alms; but sure I am they ought to be taken care of "That the desire of gain, and the desire of victory, are both thwarted in losing. "That all conversations in the world have in this condition,. either by the beadle or the indulged human infirmity in this case. magistrate. They, it seems, relieve their posts, "Your petitioner therefore most humbly according to their talents. There is the voice prays, that he may be restored to the com- of an old woman never begins to beg till nine pany and he hopes to bear ill-fortune with in the evening; and then she is destitute of a good grace for the future, and to demean lodging, turned out for want of rent, and has himself so as to be no more than cheerful the same ill fortune every night in the year. when he wins, than grave when he loses." T. You should employ an officer to hear the distress of each beggar that is constant at a par. ticular place, who is ever in the same tone, and succeeds because his audience is continually changing, though he does not alter his lamentation. If we have nothing else for our money, let us have more invention to be cheated with. All which is submitted to your spectatorial vigilance; and I am. Sir, No. 430.] Monday, July 14, 1712. Quære peregrinum, vicinia rauca reclamat. Go seek a stranger to believe thy lies.-Creech. 'SIR, 'Your most humble servant.' SIR, 'As you are a Spectator-general, you may with authority censure whatever looks ill, and is offensive to the sight; the worst nuisance of which kind, methinks, is the scandalous ap- parish-church; the gentleman in the pulpit 'I was last Sunday highy transported at our pearance of poor in all parts of this wealthy pleaded movingly in behalfof the poor children, city. Such miserable objects affect the com- and they for themselves much more forcibly by passionate beholder with dismal ideas, discom- singing an hymn; and I had the happiness of pose the cheerfulness of his mind, and deprive being a contributor to this little religious instihim of the pleasure he might otherwise take tution of innocents, and am sure I never disin surveying the grandeur of our metropolis. posed of money more to my satisfaction and Who can without remorse see a disabled sailor, advantage. The inward joy I find in myself, the purveyor of our luxury, destitute of neces- and the good-will I bear to mankind, make me saries? Who can behold the honest soldier, heartily wish those pious works may be enthat bravely withstood the enemy, prostrate couraged, that the present promoters may reap and in want among his friends? It were endless delight, and posterity the benefit of them. But to mention all the variety of wretchedness, and whilst we are building this beautiful edifice, the numberless poor that not only singly, but let not the old ruins remain in view to sully in companies implore your charity. Specta- the prospect. cles of this nature every where occur; and it is improving this young hopeful offspring, let not Whilst we are cultivating and unaccountable that, amongst the many lament- the ancient and helpless creatures be shameable cries that infest this town, your comp-fully neglected. The crowds of poor, or pretroller-general should not take notice of the tended poor, in every place, are a great reproch most shocking, viz those of the needy and to us, and eclipse the glory of all other charity. afflicted. I cannot but think he waved it merely It is the utmost reproach to society, that there out of good breeding, choosing rather to wave should be a poor man unrelieved, or a poor his resentment than upbraid his countrymen rogue unpunished. with inhumanity: however, let not charity be part of human life out of your consideration, I hope you will think no sacrificed to popularity; and if his ears were but will, at your leisure, give us the history of deaf to their complaint, let not your eyes over- plenty and want, and the natural gradations tolook their persons. There are, I know, many wards them, calculated for the cities of London impostors among them. Lameness and blind-and Westminster. ness are certainly very often acted; but can those who have their sight and limbs employ them better than in knowing whether they are counterfeited or not? I know not which of the two misapplies his senses most, he who pretends himself blind to move compassion, or he who of I am, Sir, MR. SPECTATOR, 'T. D.' I beg you would be pleased to take notice a very great indeceny, which is extremely 'Your most bumble servant, common, though, I think, never yet under your teen I was removed to the university, where I censure. It is, Sir, the strange freedoms some lived, out of my father's great discretion, in ill-bred married people take in company; the scandalous poverty and want, till I was big unseasonable fondness of some husbands, and enough to be married, and I was sent for to the ill-timed tenderness of some wives. They see the lady who sends you the underwritten. talk and act as if modesty was only fit for When we were put together, we both considmaids and bachelors, and that too beforeb oth. ered that we could not be worse than we were I was once, Mr. Spectator, where the fault I in taking one another, and, out of a desire of speak of was so very flagrant, that (being, you liberty, entered into wedlock. My father says must know, a very bashful fellow, and several I am now a man, and may speak to him like 'I am, Sir, young ladies in the room) I protest I was quite another gentleman. out of countenance. Lucina, it seems, was breeding; and she did nothing but entertain the company with a discourse upon the difficulty of reckoning to a day, and said she knew 'I grew tall and wild at my mother's, who those who were certain to an hour; then fell a laughing at a silly inexperienced creature, is a gay widow, and did not care for showing who was a month above her time. Upon her me, till about two years and a half ago; at husband's coming in, she put several questions which time my guardian-uncle sent me to a to him; which he not caring to resolve," Well," boarding-school, with orders to contradict me cries Lucina, "I shall have'em all at night.' But lest I should seem guilty of the very fault I write against, I shall only entreat Mr. Spectator to correct such misdemeanors. "For higher of the genial bed by far, And with mysterious reverence, I deem." T. 'I am, sir, Your humble servant, No. 431.] Tuesday, July 15, 1712. Quid dulcius hominum generi à natura datum est, sui quique boeri? Tull. What is there in nature so dear to a man as his own chlidren ? MR. SPEC, 'RICHARD RENTFREE.' in nothing, for I had been misused enough already. I had not been there above a month when, being in the kitchen, I saw some oatmeal on the dresser; I put two or three corns in my mouth, liked it, stole a handful, went into my chamber, chewed it, and for two months after never failed taking toll of every pennyworth of oatmeal that came into the house; but one day playing with a tobacco-pipe between my teeth, it happened to break in my mouth, and the spitting out the pieces left such a delicious roughness on my tongue, that I could not be satisfied till I had champed up the remaining part of the pipe. I forsook the oatmeal and stuck to the pipes three months, in which time I had dispensed with thirty-seven foul pipes, all to the bowls: they belonged to an old gentleman, I HAVE lately been casting in my thoughts father to my governess. He locked up the I left off eating of pipes, and fell the several unhappinesses of life, and compar- clean ones. ing the infelicities of old age to those of infancy. to licking of chalk. I was soon tired of this. I then nibbled all the red wax of our last ballThe calamities of children are due to the negligence and misconduct of parents; those of tickets, and, three weeks after, the black wax age to the past life which led to it. I have here from the burying-tickets of the old gentleman. the history of a boy and a girl to their wedding- Two months after this I lived upon thunderday, and I think I cannot give the reader a bolts, a certain long round bluish stone which livelier image of the insipid way in which time I found among the gravel in our garden. I uncultivated passes, than by entertaining him was wonderfully delighted with this; but with their authentic epistles, expressing all thunder-bolts growing scarce, I fastened tooth that was remarkable in their lives, till the pe- and nail upon our garden-wall, which I stuck riod of their life above-montioned. The sen- to almost a twelvemonth, and had in that time tence at the head of this paper, which is only peeled and devoured half a foot towards our a warm interrogation, 'What is there in nature neighbour's yard. I now thought myself the so dear as a man's own children to him?' is all happiest creature in the world; and I believe, the reflection I shall at present make on those in my conscience, I had eaten quite through, who are negligent or cruel in the education of had I had it in my chamber; but now I became lazy and unwilling to stir, and was obliged to seek food nearer home. I then took a strange hankering to coals; I fell to scranching 'em, 'I am now entering into my one and twen- and had already consumed, I am certain, as tieth year, and do not know that I had one much as would have dressed my weddingday's thorough satisfaction since I came to dinner, when my uncle came for me home. years of any reflection, till the time they say He was in the parlour with my governess, when others lose their liberty-the day of my mar- I was called down. I went in, fell on my knees, raige. I am son to a gentleman of a very great for he made me call him father; and when Iestate, who resolved to keep me out of the vices expected the blessing I asked, the good genof the age; and, in order to it, never let me tleman, in a surprise, turns himself to my gosee any thing that he thought could give me verness, and asks, "whether this (pointing to any pleasure. At ten years old I was put to a me) was his daughter? "This, added he, "is grammar-school, where my master received the very picture of death. My child was a orders every post to use me severely, and have plump-faced, hale, fresh-coloured girl; but this no regard to my having a great estate. At fif-looks as if she was half-starved, a mere skele them. 'MR. SPECTATOR, "It is a matter of wonder to reflect how far men of weak understanding, and strong fancy, are hurried by their prejudices, even to the believing that the whole body of the adverse party are a band of villains and dæmons. Foreigners complain that the English are the proudest nation under heaven. Perhaps they too have their share: but be that as it will, ton." My governess, who is really a good mies, the dwarfs and squires who carry the woman, assured my father I had wanted for impresses of the giants or knights, not born to nothing; and withal told him I was conti- fight themselves, but to prepare the way for nually eating some trash or other, and that I the ensuing combat. was almost eaten up with the green-sickness, her orders being never to cross me. But this magnified but little with my father, who presently, in a kind of pet, paying for my board, took me home with him. I had not been long at home, but one Sunday at church (I shall never forget it) I saw a young neighbouring gentleman that pleased me hugely; I liked him of all men I ever saw in my life, and began to general charges against bodies of men is the wish I could be as pleasing to him. The very next day he came with his father, a visiting to our house we were left alone together, with directions on both sides to be in love with one another; and in three weeks time we were married. I regained my former health and complexion, and am now as happy as the day is long. Now, Mr. Spec, I desire you would find out some name for these craving damsels, whether dignified or distinguished under some or all of the following denominations; to wit, "This spirit of rivalship, which heretofore "Trash-eaters, Oatmeal-chewers, Pipe-champ-reigned in the two universities, is extinct, and ers, Chalk-lickers, Wax-nibblers, Coal-scranch-almost over betwixt college and college. In ers, Wall-peelers, or Gravel-diggers ;" and, parishes and schools, the thirst of glory still good sir, do your utmost endeavour to prevent obtains. At the seasons of foot-ball and (by exposing) this unaccountable folly, so pre-cock-fighting, those little republics, reassume vailing among the young ones of our sex, who their national hatred to each other. My tenmay not meet with such sudden good luck as, ant in the country is verily persuaded, that 'Sir, your constant reader, fault I am writing against. It must be owned, to our shame, that our common people, and most who have not travelled, have an irrational contempt for the language, dress, customs, and even the shape and minds of other nations. Some men, otherwise of sense, have wondered that a great genius should spring out of Ireland; and think you mad in affirming that fine odes have been written in Lapland. the parish of the enemy hath not one honest man in it. "I always hated satires against women, and satires against men: I am apt to suspect a stranger who laughs at the religion of the faculty: my spleen rises at a dull rogue, who is severe upon mayors and aldermen; and I was never better pleased than with a piece of justice executed upon the body of a Templar who was very arch upon parsons. "The necessities of mankind require various employments; and whoever excels in his province is worthy of praise. All men are not educated after the same manner, nor have all the same talents. Those who are deficient deserve our compassion, and have a title to our assistance. All cannot be bred in the same place; but in all places there arise, at different times, such persons as do honour to their society, which may raise envy in little souls, but are admired and cherished by generous spirits. "Man is a sociable creature, and a lover of glory; whence it is, that when several persons are united in the same society, they are studious to lessen the reputation of others, in order to raise their own. The wise are content "It is certainly a great happiness to be edu to guide the springs in silence, and rejoice in cated in societies of great and eminent men. secret at their regular progress. To prate Their instructions and examples are of extraand triumph is the part allotted to the tri- ordinary advantage. It is highly proper to infling and superficial. The geese were provi-stil such a reverence of the governing persons, dentially ordained to save the Capitol. Hence and concern for the honour of the place, as it is, that the invention of marks and devices to may spur the growing members to worthy distinguish parties is owing to the beaus and pursuits and honest emulation; but to swell belles of this island. Hats, moulded into different cocks and pinches, have long bid mutual defiance; patches have been set against patches in battle array: stocks have risen and fallen in proportion to head-dresses; and peace or war been expected, as the white or the red hood hath prevailed. These are the standard-bearers in our contending ar young minds with vain thoughts of the dignity of their own brotherhood, by debasing and vilifying all others, doth them a real injury. By this means I have found that their efforts have become languid, and their prattle irksome, as thinking it sufficient praise that they are children of so illustrious and ample a family. I should think it a surer as well as more gene |