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tleman that had entered the coffee-house since the you first advance, viz. That our faces are not of our projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of own choosing, people had been transported beyond his Swiss compositions, cried out in a kind of laugh, all good breeding, and hurried themselves into unac“ Is our music then to receive farther improvements countable and fatal extravagances; as, how many from Switzerland ?" This alarmed the projector, impartial looking-glasses had been censured and ca- ! who immediately let yo my button, and turned about lumniated, nay, and sometimes shivered into ten to answer him. I took the opportunity of the diver. thousand splinters, only for a fair representation of sion which seemed to be made in favour of me, and the truth ? How many bead-strings and garters had laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with been made accessary and actually forfeited, only besome precipitation.-C.
cause folks must needs quarrel with their own sha
dows ? And who,' continues he, .but is deeply senNo. 32.) FRIDAY, APRIL 6, 1711.
sible, that one great source of the uneasiness and
misery of human life, especially amongst those of Nil illi larva aut tragicis opus esse cothurnis.
distinction, arises from nothing in the world else, bul. HoR, 1 Sat. v. 64.
too severe a contemplation of an indefeasible con He wants no tragic vizor to increase His natural deformity of face.
texture of our external parts, or certain natural and
invincible dispositions to be fat or lean?- when a The late discourse concerning the statutes of the little more of Mr. Spectator's philosophy would take Ugly Club, having been so well received at Oxford, I off all this. In the mean time let them ubsorve, that, contrary to the strict rules of the society, they that there is not one of their grievances of this sort, have been so partial as to take my own testimonial, but perhaps, in some ages of the world, has been and admit me into that select body; I could not re- highly in vogue, and may be so again; nay, in some strain the vanity of publishing to the world the ho.
10-country or another, ten to one is so at this day. My nour which is done me. It is no small satisfaction | Lady Ample is the most miserable woman in the that I have given occasion for the President's shew-l world, purely of her own making. She even grudges ing both his invention and reading to such advan- herself meat and drink, for fear she should thrive by tage as my correspondent reports he did: but it is them; and is constantly crying out, In a quarter not to be doubted there were many very proper hums of a vear more I shall be quite out of all manner of and pauses in his harangue, which lose their ugliness shape!' Now the lady's misfortune seems to be in the narration, and which my correspondent (beg- only this, tuat she is planted in a wiong soil; for go ging his pardon) has no very goud talent at repre- but to the other side of the water, it is a jest at senting. I very much approve of the contempt the Haerlem to talk of a shape under eighteen stone. society has of beauty. Nothing ought to be laudable These wise tradera regulate their beauties as they do in a man, in which his will is not concerned; there- their butter, by the pound; and Miss Cross, when fore our society can follow nature, and where she has
she first arrived in the Low Countries, was not comthought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do so
puted to be so handsome as Madam Van Brisket by too, and be merry upon the occasion.
near half a ton. On the other hand, there is 'Squire “MR. SPECTATOR,
Lath, a proper gentleman of 1,5001. per annum, as “ Your making public the late trouble I gave you, well as of unblamable life and conversation ; yet you will find to have been the occasion of this. would I not be the esquire for half his estate ; for if Who should I meet at the coffee-house door the other it was as much more, he would freely part with it night, but my old friend Mr. President ? I saw all for a pair of legs to his mind. Whereas, in the somewhat had pleased him; and as soon as he had reign of our first Edward of glorious memory, nocast his eye upon me, 'Oho, doctor, rare news from thing more modish than a brace of your fine taper London,' says he; the Spectator has made honour supporters; and his majesty, without an inch of calf, able mention of the club (man) and published to managed affairs in peace or war as laudably as the the world his sincere desire to be a member, with a bravest and most politic of his ancestors; and was recommendatory description of his phiz; and though as terrible to his neighbours under the royal name cur constitution has made no particular provision for of Longshanks, as Caur de Lion to the Saracens short faces, yet his being an extraordinary case, I before him. If we look farther back into history, we believe we shall find a hole for him to creep in at; I shall find that Alexander the Great wore his head a for I assure you he is not against the canon; and if little over his left shoulder, and then not a soul his sites are as compact as his joles, he need not dis- stirred out till he had adjusted his neck-bone : the yuise himself to make one of us. I presently called | whole nobility addressed the prince and each other for the paper, to see how you looked in print; and obliquely, and all matters of importance were conafter we had regaled ourselves awhile upon the plea- certed and carried on in the Macedonian court, with sant image of our proselyte, Mr. President told me their polls on one side. For about the first century I should be his stranger at the next night's club: nothing made more noise in the world than Roman where we were no sooner come, and pipes brought, but I noses, and then not a word of them till they revived Mr. President begau an harangue upon your intro- again in eighty-eight.* Nor is it o very long since duction to my epistle, setting forth with no less vo- | Richard the Third set up half the backs of the na. lubility of speech than strength of reason, " That a tion; and high shoulders, as well as high noses, were speculation of this nature was what had been long the top of the fashion. But to come to ourselves, and much wanted! and that he doubted not but it gentlemen, though I find by my quingennial obser would be of inestimable value to the public, in recon-vations, that we shall never get ladies enough to make ciling even of bodies and souls ; in composing and a party in our own country, yet might we ineet with quieting the minds of men under all corporcal redun- better success among some of our allies. And what lancics, deficiencies, and irregularities whatsoever; think you if our board sat for a Dutch piece ? Truly and making every one sit down content in his own I am of opinion, that as odd as we appear in flesh carcass, though it were not perhaps so mathemati-| cally put together as he could wish.' And again, I whe
On the accession of King William II., in compliment to
whorn Dryden, in the plates to his translation of Virgil, bad • How that for want of a due consideration of what | Kreas u]ways represented with a Roinan nose.
and blood, we should be no such strange things in / insupportably vain and insolent towards all w bo bave mezzu-tinto. But this project may rest till our num- to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty ber is complete; and this being our election night, before one civil thing had ever been said to her, give me leave to propose Mr. Spectator. You see found herself obliged to acquire some accombis inclinations and perhaps we may not have his plishments to make up for the want of those attracfellow.'
tions which she saw in her sister. Poor Daphne "I found most of them (as is usual in all such was seldom submitted to in a debate wherein she cases) were prepared; but one of the seniors (whom, was concerned; her discourse had nothing to recomby-the-bye, Mr. President had taken all this pains to mend it but the good sense of it, and she was always bring over) sat still, and cocking his chin, which under a necessity to have very well considered what seemed only to be levelled at his nose, very gravely she was to say before she utiered it; while Læuitia de lared, “That in case he had had sufficient know-was listened to with partiality, and approbation sat ledge of you, no man should have been more willing on the countenances of those she conversed with, beto have served you; but that he, for his own part, fore she coinmunicated what she had to say. These bud always had regard to his own conscience, as causes have produced suitable effects, and Lætitia is well as other people's merit; and that he did not as insipid a companion as Daphne is an agreeable kuow but that you might be a handsome fellow; for, one. Lætitia, confident of favour, has studied no as for your own certiticate, it was every body's bu- arts to please; Daphne, despairing of any inclinasiness to speak for themselves.' Mr. President im- tion towards her person, has depended only on her mediately retorted, “A handsome fellow ! why he is merit. Lætitia has always something in her air that a wit, Sir, and you know the proverb;' and to ease is sullen, grave, and disconsolate. Daphne has a the old rentleman of his scrupies cried, "That for countenance that is cheerful, open, and unconcerned. matter of merit it was all one, you might wear a A young gentleman saw Lætitia this winter at a plav, mask. This threw him into a pause, and he looked and becaine her captive. His fortune was such, that desirous of three days to consider on it; but Mr. he wanted very little introduction to speak his sentiPresident improved the thought, and followed himments to her father. The lover was admitted with up with an old story, That wits were privileged to the utmost freedom into the family, where a conwear what masks they pleased in all ages; and that strained behaviour, severe looks, and distant civili. a vizard had been the constant crown of their labours, ties, were the highest favours he could obtain of Læ. which was generally presented them by the hand of titia ; while Dapone used him with the good hcsome satyr, and sometimes by Apollo himself:' for mour, familiarity, and innocence of a sister: inso. the truth of which he appealed to the frontispiece of much that he would often say to her, “ Dear Daphne, several books, and particularly to the English Juve. wert thou but as handsome as Lætitia-” She rewal, to which he feierned him ; and only added, ceived such language with that ingenuousness and • That such authors were the Larrati or Larra do- pleasing mirth which is natural to a woman without naii of the ancients.' This cleared up all, and in design. He still sighed in vain for Lætitia, but The conciusion you were chose probationer; and Mr. found certain relief in the agreeable conversation of Piesident pul round your healib as such, protesting, Daphine. At lengih, heartily tired with the haughty . That though indeed be talked of a vizard, he did impertinence of Lætitia, and charmed with the renot believe all the while you had any more occasion peated instances of good humour he had observed in for it than the cat-a-mountain ;' so that all you have Daphne, he one day told the latter that he had someto do now is to pay your fees, which are here very thing to say to her he hoped she would be pleased reasonable, if you are not imposed upon; and you with “ Faith, Daphne," continued he, “ I am in may style yourself Informis Societatis Socius : which love with thee, aud despise thy sister sincerely." I am desired to acquaint you with; and upon the The manner of his declarid: himself gave bis mis. same I beg you to accept of the congratulations of, tress occasion for a very hearty laughter."Nay,”
“Sir, your obliged humble servant, says he, “I knew you would laugh at me, but I will “ Oxford, March 21.
« A. C.” ask your father.” 'He did so; the father received
this intelligence with no less joy than surprise, and was very glad he had now no care left but for his
beauty, which he thought he could carry to market No. 33.] SATURDAY, APRIL 7, 1711.
at his leisure. I do not know any thing that has Fervidus tecum puer, et solutis
pleased me so much for a great while, as this con Gratice zonis, properentque nympha,
quest of my friend Daphne's. All her acquaintance Et parum comis sine te juventus,
congratulate her upon her chance-medley, and laugh Mercuriusque-llor. I Od. xxx. 5.
ai that premeditating murderer her sister. As it is The graces with their zones unloosd :
an argument of a light mind, to think the worse of The wymphs, with beauties all expos'd, From every spring, and every plain;
ourselves for the imperfections of our person, it is Thy powerful, hot, and winged boy;
equally below us to value ourselves upon the advanAud youth, that's dull without thy joy:
tages of them. The female world seem :o be almost and Mercury, compose thy train.-CREECH.
incorrigibly gone astray in this particular; for which A FRIEND of mine has two daughters, whom I reason I shall recommend the following extract out will call Lætitia and Daphne; the former is one of of a friend's letter to the professed beauties, who are the greatest beauties of the age in which she lives, a people almost as insufferable as the professed wits. the latter po way remarkable for any charms in her “Monsieur St. Evremond has concluded one of person. Upon this une circumstance of their out. bis essays with affirming, that the last sighs of a ward form, the good and ill of their life seems to handsome woman are not so inuch for the loss of her turo. Lætitia has not, froin her very childhood, life, as of her beauty. Perhaps this raillery is pur. heard any thing else but commendations of her fea- sued too far, yet it is turned upon a very obvious re lures and complexion, by which ineans she is no mark, that woman's strongest passion is for her own otber than nature made her, a very beautiful outsiile, 'beauty, and that she values it as her favourite disTb: consciousness or her charms bas rendered ter tinction. From hence it is that all arts which price
teud to improve or preserve it, meet with so general pressions he felt upon seeing her at her first creaa reception among the sex. To say nothing of many tion, he does not represent her like a Grecian Venus, false helps and contraband wares of beauty which by ber shape or features, but by the lustre of her are daily vended in this great mart, there is not a mind which shone in them, and gave them their maiden gentlewoman of good family in any county power of charming : of South Britain, who has not heard of the virtues Grace was in all her steps, heav'n in her eye, of May-dew, or is unfurnished with some receipt or
In all her gestures dignity and love ! other in favour of her complexion; and I have “Without this irradiating power, the proudest fair known a physician of learning and sense, after eight one ought to know, whatever her glass may tell her years' study in the university, and a course of travels to the contrary, that her most perfect features are into most countries of Europe, owe the first raising uninformed and dead. of his fortunes to a cosmetic wash.
“I cannot better close this moral than by a short “This has given me occasion to consider how so epitaph written by Ben Jonson with a spirit which universal a disposition in womankind, which springs nothing could inspire but such an object as I have from a laudable motive the desire of pleasing-and been describing : proceeds upon an opinion not altogether groundless
Underneath this stone doth lie that nature may be helped by art-may be turned to
as much virtue as could die; their advantage. And, methinks, it would be an ac
Which when alive did vigour give
To as much beauty as could live. ceptable service to take them out of the hands of quacks and pretenders, and to prevent their imposing "I am, Sir, your most humble servant, upon themselves, by discovering to them the true! R.
“R. B.” secret and art of improving beauty.
“In order to this, before I touch upon it directly, it will be necessary to lay down a few preliminary
No. 31.1 MONDAY, APRIL 9, 1711. maxims, viz. :
- parcit “That no woman can be handsome by the force
Cognatis maculis similis fera Juv. Sat. xv. 159.' of features alone, any more than she can be witty
From spotted skins the leopard does refrain.—TATE. i only by the help of speech.
The club of which I am a member, is very luckily " That pride destroys all symmetry and grace, and composed of such persons as are engaged in different affectation is a more terr:ble enemy to fine faces than ways of life, and deputed as it were out of the most the small-pox.
conspicuous classes of mankind. By this means I “That no woman is capable of being beautiful, am furnished with the greatest variety of hints and who is not incapable of being false.
inaterials, and know every thing that passes in ihe “And, That what would be odious in a friend is different quarters and divisions, not only of this deformity in a mistress.
great city, but of the whole kingdom. My readers “ From these few principles, thus laid down, it will too have the satisfaction to find that there is no rank be easy to prove, that the true art of assisting beauty or degree among them who have not their representconsists in embellishing the whole person by the ative in this club, and that there is always somebody proper ornaments of virtuous and commendable qua- present who will take care of their respective inlities. By this help alone it is, that those who are terests, that nothing may be written or published to the favourite work of nature, or, as Mr. Dryden ex- the prejudice or infringement of their just rights presses it, the porcelain clay of human kind, become and privileges. animated, and are in a capacity of exerting their I last night sat very late in company with this charms; and those who seem to have been neglected select body of friends, who entertained me with seby her, like models wrought in haste, are capable veral remarks which they and others had made upon in a great measure of finishing what she has left in these my speculations, as also with the various suc. perfect.
cess which they had met with among their several “It is, methinks, a low and degrading idea of that ranks and degrees of readers. Will Honeycomb sex, which was created to refine the joys and soften told me, in the softest manner he could, that there the cares of humanity by the most agreeable par- were some ladies (but for your comfort, says Will, .icipation, to consider them merely as objects of they are not those of the most wit) that were offended sight. This is abridging them of their natural ex. at the liberties I had taken with the opera and the tent of power, to put them upon a level with their puppet-show; that some of them were likewise very pictures at Koeller's. How much nobler is the much surprised, that I should think such serious contemplation of beauty heightened by virtue, and points as the dress and equipage of persons of quacommanding our esteem and love while it draws lity proper subjects for raillery. our observation! How faint and spiritless are the He was going on, when Sir Andrew Freeport charms of a coquette, when compared with the real took him up short, and told him, that the papers he loveliness of Sophronia's innocence, piety, good-hinted at, had done great good in the city, and that humour, and truth; virtues which add a new softness all their wives and daughters were the better for to ber sex, and even beautify her beauty! That | them; and farther added, that the whole city thought agreeableness whicb must otherwise have appeared themselves very much obliged to me for declaring my no longer in the modest virgin, is now preserved in generous intentions to scourge vice and folly as they the tender mother, the prudent friend, and tne faith- appear in a multitude, without condescending to be ful wife. Colours artfully spread upon canvas may a publisher of particular intrigues and cu uckoldoms, entertain the eye, but not affect the heart; and she “ İn short,” says Sir Andrew, “if you avoid that who takes no care to add to the natural graces of foolish beaten road of falling upon aldermen and her person any excellent qualities, may be allowed citizens, and employ your pen upon the varity and still to amuse, as a picture, but not to triumph as a luxury of courts, your paper must needs be of gene. beauty.
ral use." When Adam is introduced by Milton, describing Upon this, my friend the Templar told Sir An. Eve in Paradise, and relating to the angel the im- drew, that he wondered to hear a man of his sense
talk after that manner; that the city had always been tinued to combat with criminals in a body, and to the province for satire ; and that the wits of king assault the vice without hurting the person. Charles's time jested upon nothing else during his This debate, which was held for the good of manwhole reign. He then 'shewed, by the examples of kind, put me in mind of that which the Roman triHorace, Juvenal, Boileau, and tho best writers of umvirate were formerly engaged in for their destruc. every age, that the follies of the stage and court had tion. Every man at first stood bard for his friend, never been accounted too sacred for ridicule, how till they found that by this means they should spoil great soever the persons might be that patronised their proscription; and at length, making a sacrifice them. “But after all,” says he, “I think your of all their acquaintance and relations, furnished out raillery has made too great an excursion, in attack-a very decent execution. ing several persons of the inns of court; and I do Having thus taken my resolutions to march on not believe you can shew me any precedent for your boldly in the cause of virtue and good sense, and to behaviour in that particular."
annoy their adversaries in whatever degree or rank My good friend 'Sir Roger de Coverley, who had of men they may be found; I shall be deaf for the said nothing all this while, began his speech with a future to all the remonstances that shall be made to pish! and told us, that he wondered to see so many me on this account. If Punch grows extravagant, men of sense so very serious upon fooleries. “Let I shall reprimand him very freely. If the stage beour good friend,” says he, “ attack every one that comes a nursery of folly and impertinence, I shall deserves it; I would only advise you, Mr. Specta- not be afraid to animadvert upon it. In short, if I tor," applying himself to me,“ to take care how you meet with any thing in city, court, or country, that meddle with country 'squires. They are the orna. shocks modesty or good manners, I shall use my utments of the English nation; men of good heads most endeavours to make an example of it. I must and sound bodies ! and, let me tell you, some of them however, entreat every particular person, who does take it ill of you, that you mention fox-hunters with me the honour to be a reader of this paper, never to so little respect.”
think himself, or any one of his friends or enemies, Captain Sentry spoke very sparingly on this oc- aimed at in what is said ; for I promise him, never to casion. What he said was only to commend my draw a faulty character which does not fit at least a prudence in not touching upon the army, and ad- thousand people; or to publish a single paper, that vised me to continue to act discreetly in that point is not written in the spirit of benevolence, and with
By this time I found every subject of my specula- a love of mankind.-.. tions was taken away from me, by one or other of the club: and began to think myself in the condition of the good man that had one 'wife who took a dislike No. 35.] TUESDAY, APRIL 10, 1711 to his grey hair, and another to his black, till by
Risu inepto res ineptior nulla est.–CATULL. CARM. 39. in Enal their picking out what each of them had an aversion to, they left his head altogether bald and naked.
Nothing so foolish as the laugh of fools. While I was thus musing with myself, my worthy AMONG all kinds of writing, there is none in which friend the clergyınan, who, very luckily for me, was authors are more apt to miscarry than in works of at the club that night, undertook my cause. He humour, as there is none in which they are more amtold us, that he wondered any order of persons should bitious to excel. It is not an imagination that teems think themselves too considerable to be advised. with monsters, a head that is filled with extravagant That it was not quality, but innocence, which ex-conceptions, which is capable of furnishing the world empted men from reproof. That vice and folly with diversions of this nature; and yet if we look ought to be attacked wherever they could be met into the productions of several writers, who set up with, and especially when they were placed in high for men of humour, what wild irregular fancies, what and conspicuous stations of life. He farther added, unnatural distortions of thought do we meet with ? that my paper would only serve to aygravate the If they speak nonsense, they believe they are talking pains of poverty, if it chiefly exposed those who are humour; and when they have drawn together a already depressed, and in some measure turned into scheme of absurd, inconsistent ideas, they are not ridicule, by the meanness of their conditions and cir- able to read it over to themselves without laughing. cumstances. He afterward proceeded to take notice These poor gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves of the great use this paper might be of to the public, the reputation of wits and humorists, by such mon. by reprehending those vices which are too trivial for strous conceits as almost qualify them for Bedlam; the chastisement of the law, and too fantastical for not considering that humour should always lie under the cognizance of the pulpit. He then advised me the check of reason, and that it requires the direction to prosecute my undertaking with cheerfulness, and of the nicest judgment, by so much the more as it assured me, that whoever might be displeased with indulges itself in the most boundless freedoms. There me, I should be approved by all those whose praises is a kind of nature that is to be observed in this sort do honour to the persons on whom they are bestowed. of compositions, as well as in all other; and a cer.
The whole club pay a particular deference to the tain regularity of thought which must discover the discourse of this gentleman, and are drawn into what writer to be a man of sense, at the same time that he he says as much by the candid ingenuous manner appears altogether given up to caprice. For my with which he delivers himself, as by the strength of part, when I read the delirious mirth of an unskiliul argument and force of reason which he makes use of. author, I cannot be so barbarous as to divert my Will Honeycomb iminediately agreed, that what he with it, but am rather apt to pity the man, than had said was right ; and that, for his part, he would | laugh at any thing he writes. vot insist upon the quarter which he had demanded! The deceased Mr. Shadwell, who had himself a for the ladies. Sir Andrew gave up the city with great deal of the talent which I am treating of, rethe same frankness. The Templar would not stand presents an empty rake, in one of his plays, as very out, and was followed by Sir Roger and the Captain; much surprised to hear one say, that breakiog of who all agreed that I should be at liberty to carry windows was not humour; and I question not bus h. war iuto what quarter I pleased ; provided I con- several English readers will be as much started to
bear me affirm, that many of those raving incohe. False Humour differs from the True, as a monkey rent pieces which are often spread among us under does from a man. odd chimerical titles, are rather the offsprings of a First of all, He is exceedingly given to little apish distempered brain, than works of humour.
tricks and buffooneries. It is indeed much easier to describe what is not Secondly, He so much delights in mimicry, that humour, than what is; and very difficult to define it it is all one to him whether he exposes by it vice otherwise than as Cowley has done wit, by nega- and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on the contrary, tives. Were I to give my own notions of it, I would virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty. deliver them after Plato's manner, in a kind of alle-1 Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, insomuch gory-and by supposing Humour to be a person, de- that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeaduce to him all his qualifications, according to the vour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. following genealogy. Truth was the founder of the For having but small talents, he must be merry family, and the father of Good Sense. Good Sense where he can, not where he should. was the father of Wit, who married a lady of colla- Fourthly, Being entirely void of reason, he purteral line called Mirth, by whom he had issue Hu- sues no point either of morality or instruction, but is mour. Humour therefore being the youngest of this ludicrous only for the sake of being so. illustrious family, and descended from parents of Fifthly, Being incapable of any thing but mock such different dispositions, is very various and un- representations, his ridicule is always personal, and equal in his temper; sometimes you see him putting aimed at the vicious man or the writer-not at the on grave looks and a solemn habit, sometimes airy | vice, or the writing. in his behaviour and fantastic in his dress; inso I have here only pointed at the whole species of much that at different times he appears as serious as false humorists; but as one of my principal designs a judge, and as jocular as a merry-andrew. But as in this paper is to beat down that malignant spirit he has a great deal of the mother in his constitution, which discovers itself in the writings of the present whatever mood he is in, he never fails to make his age, I shall not scruple, for the future, to single out company laugh.
any of the small wits that infest the world with such But since there is an impostor abroad, who takes compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and absurd. upon him the name of this young gentleman, and This is the only exception which I shall make to the would willingly pass for him in the world; to the end general rule I have prescribed myself, of attacking that well-meaning persons may not be imposed upon multitudes, since every honest man ought to look by cheats, I would desire my readers, when they meet upon himself as in a natural state of war with the with this pretender, to look into his parentage, and libeller and lampooner, and to annoy them wherever to examine him strictly, whether or no he be remote- they fall in his way. This is but retaliatin.
This is but retaliating upɔn ly allied to Truth, and lineally descended from Good them and treating them as they treat others.-C. Sense; if not, they may conclude him a counterfeit. They may likewise distinguish him by a loud and excessive laughter, in which he seldom gets his com-!
No. 36.] WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11, 1711. pany to join with him. For as True Humour gene
- Immania monstra Perserimus
VIRO. Æn. iii. 583. rally looks serious, while every body laughs about him; False Humour is always laughing, whilst every
Things the most out of nature we endure body about him looks serious. I shall only add, if I shall not put myself to any farther pains for he has not in bim a mixture of both parents, that is, this day's entertainment, than barely to publish the if he would pass for the offspring of Wit' without letters and titles of petitions from the playhouse, Mirth, or Mirth without Wit, you may conclude him with the minutes I have made upon the latter for my to be altogether spurious and a cheat.
conduct in relation to them. The impostor of whom I am speaking, descends
Drury-lane, April the 9th. originally from Falsehood, who was the mother of “Upon reading the project which is set forth in Nonsense, who was brought to bed of a son called one of your late papers, of making an alliance beFrenzy, who married one of the daughters of|tween all the bulls, bears elephants, and lions which Polly, commonly known by the name of Laugh- are separately exposed to public view in the cities of ter, on whom he begot that monstrous infant of London and Westminster; together with the other wbich I have here been speaking. I shall set wonders, shows, and monsters whereof you made resdown at length the genealogical table of False pective mention in the said speculation-we, the chief Humor, and, at the same time, place under it the actors of this playhouse, met and sat upon the said genealogy of True Humour, that the reader may at design. It is with great delight that we expect the one view behold their different pedigree and re-execution of this work : and in order to contribute lations:
to it, we have given warning to all our ghosts to get Falsehood
their livelihoods where they can, and not to appear Nonsense.
among us after day-break of the 16th instant. We Frenzy- Laughter.
are resolved to take this opportunity to part with Faise Humour.
every thing which does not contribute to the repreTruth.
sentation of human life ; and shall make a free gift Good Sense.
of all animated utensils to your projector. The Wit- Mirth.
hangings you formerly mentioned are run away; as Humour.
are likewise a set of chairs, each of which was met
upon two legs going through the Rose tavern at two I might extend the allegory, by mentioning several of this morning. We hope, Sir, you will give proper the children of False Humour, who are more in num-notice to the town that we are endeavouring at these ber than the sands of the sea, and might in particular regulations; and that we intend for the future to enumerate the many sons and daughters which be show no monsters, but men who are converted into has begot in this island. But as this would be a very such by their own industry and affectation. If you invidious task, I shall only observe in general, that I will please to be at tbe house to-night, yr i will see