and her, that it was poffible to have infinitely more merit in it than him, and yet in regard to her to know infinitely lefs than nothing at all of it. I concealed the name of the amazing qualification I hinted at; but she perfectly underftood me. Flattery on any subject is fure to please a woman but flattery on this was doubly acceptable to her. She laugh'd me out of the bad opinion I had entertain'd of myfelf, and no fooner heard that I was ftation'd at this feat of erudition, than fhe told me he had long'd to fee it a great while fhe offer'd me her services very frankly in character of my inftructor in the noble art: in fine, we came down hither three days ago in a Phaeton together.

I have the misfortune to find that the highest-season'd difhes, tho' they tickle the appetite the most highly of all others, yet fooneft pall upon the repetition. You will confefs from the inftance of this letter, that I have made fome proficiency in my new ftudies; yet fo it is, tho' far from prefuming to think myself perfect in the art, I am heartily tir'd of my miftrefs. Don't misunderstand the phrase in the vulgar acceptation; the lady is impenetrable to all the darts of love; the very mention of which he has abfolutely forbid me; nor, were I ever fo much inclin'd, fhould I dare to attempt it, for fear of drawing the keennefs of her wit and raillery upon me. In a word, I am tir'd of converfing with a person so much my superior in a favourite accomplishment; and as the man fays in the Daily Advertifer, who reminds his neighbours that a ftray female pointer has ftray'd into his yard, if you have no ambition to take fome leffons yourself on a subject that may be useful to you, any body that pleases (the noble lord from whom I took her only excepted) may have her again paying the charges of her keeping.

The wonderful effects of the late EARTHQUAKES exemplified. In a LETTER to a FRIEND.

I

SIR,

Cannot better anfwer that part of your letter refpecting

my uneafincfs at the prophecy of another earthquake, than by pointing out to you the confufion of others; for I have no pretence to more fortitude than my neighbours.

My uncle and aunt were in the utmost confternation. The gigantick champion BULLY RUSH, who before outbrav'd every body, now fhrunk in himself and fnivell'd like a fchool-boy.Your acquaintance Mr. QUERY, who has been a perfect Atheift many years, difcover'd all the symptoms of horrour and defpair. Wretch that I am, fays he; good God! whither fhall I fly from thy prefence? and turning to me, added, dear fir, let us befeech the Lord to have mercy upon us, and down he fell on his knees, and pray'd moft devoutlý.- -Beau JAUNTEE, as you call him, behav'd like the pretty filly creature he is. Drops and cordials could fcarce keep him alive, and he was juft fainting, when in ran Mrs. **** tearing her hair. With all the vifible figns of diftraction fhe feiz'd the poor beau, and striking him violently on the breaft, There, thou vile wretch, fays fhe, may that be thy laft: 'Twas owing to thy impertinence and wicked infinuations, that I broke the heart of one of the beft husbands in the world; and now I have that to anfwer for in this my day of diftrefs. Oh my dear husband! my husband and fainted. Ah confcience! what wilt thou not difcover?

Glad was I at this inftant to fee my friend Mr.T****. He affifted me in this scene of diftrefs; and we had just recover'd the unhappy lady, when a great rattling of coaches and clashing of whips was heard before the door, and a general cutery that the earthquake was at the end of the street; and with this, news came that the fat lawyer at next door was dead. We ran to lend them affiftance likewife, where

we found the old man just reviving, and calling out in broken accents, lead me to the church! lead me to the church! where, upon a moderate computation, he had not been for forty years before. As he was limping along, he mutter'd these words from Balaam. Oh! let me die the death of the righteous, and let my laft end be like his.Another general outcry enfued of a fubterraneous voice, which was heard to pronounce these words: Woe be unto this city! Woe unto the inhabitants thereof! and woe be unto the wicked! This, however, happen'd to be only lady FADDLE's parrot, which was fhut by accident into the vault. Fear will create a thoufand phantoms. Juft at this time, a great smoke was feen at Mr. STANZA the poet's house; and leaft it should be on fire and the man in the midst on't, we burst in and ran up to his study, where we found the repentant poet kneeling before a large fire, burning his fragments. He had before confum'd a new, curious, and very extraordinary tranflation, which he had made of the Iliad in the acroftick manner; the first letter of every line carrying on a catalogue of the perfons mentioned in that poem, which every one must bewail as a great lofs to the literary world: and he was just then fetting fire to fix large heaps of Echos, Bouts, and Rebufes. This his confcience excited him to do by way of attonement for writing a bawdy poem, which was to have been publifh'd that very day.

I should now have returned to our own family, for which I was in great pain; but my friend infifted on my going with him to Mr. GRIFE'S, where had been long pent up and conceal'd from him his darling lady, Mifs BRIGHT. At the door we met the old gentleman, who you know is rcmarkably avaritious, heaping his bags and writings into a coach, which he had provided for his efcape. The good wife ftood by, crying, Mr. GRIPE! Mr. GRIPE! you'll fill the coach too full; lord blefs me! there will be no room for me and the children! Then you may flay till I come back, madam, fays he, or get up on the coach-box. This

done, he flapp'd to the door, turn'd the key, and order'd the coachman to drive on, leaving three dear children behind lock'd up with his charge, the lovely Mifs BRIGHT. My friend Dick, on feeing his love thro' the window, forgot every other fear but that of lofing her, and was wholly intent on a refcue, which he perfected in good order, and had humanity enough to take the three children with him, whom I am told he carried to a relation's house of theirs, about ten miles from town, and then made clear off with his lady. Heav'n blefs them together!

As I was returning haftily home, I faw a family in great diftrefs; the machine brought for their removal being overloaded and broke down before the door. There was a gentleman ftood by the vehicle, whom I took for the master of the family, whose deportment and ferenity did not seem to betray any fear; yet I discover'd afterwards, that he was almoft touch'd with the general infatuation; for a negro-boy ran up to him, and faid in broken English, Sir, be dere anoder God in de country, dat we run dither? No, my boy, faid the gentleman with a becoming refignation, there is not; and therefore I will have the coach unloaded, and my family shall stay in town. When I came home, I found all things prepar'd for a decampment. My uncle and aunt were already in the coach with the bully and the beau, and my horfe and that of Mr. QUERY's were by the coach-door. We mounted and drove on at a great rate, till we came to Hide-Park-Corner, where we were met by a man in a foreign habit: he deliver'd a paper to Mr. QUERY, who immediately cry'd out, ftop, coachman, ftop! the earthquake is cur'd! and riding up to the coach, read this advertisement.

Just arriv'd from LIMA (by the blefing of heav'n) and may be apply'd to for comfort on this melancholy occafion,

D

R. DON DIVONO BALLIMONTADO, the fo much celebrated, revivifying Phyfician, who is really, truly, and bonà fide, poffefs'a of the only fafe, certain, and fovereign Re

medy

medy against Earthquakes, Eruptions, and Vulcanos; which is only a very little, little PILL.

The incredible virtues of this medicine in other respects, are of too much importance to be pass'd over. For against Thunder and Lightning 'tis infallible, infomuch as it always converts the Nitre into Hail-ftones, witholds the Air, when running away from the region of Fire, and reduces that element to its own cell. For Winds, contrary Winds, and Hurricanes, 'tis fo effectuak and infallible, that failors should never go to fea without it, Many a fhip has been left for want of this PILL. Price only Two GUINEAS. One of which is to be fwallow'd, in a dram of good Nants, just before the Earthquake, Lightning, Winds, or contrary Winds begin. Delo donomintado felementos dio fallitando.

See the directions at large; and confult the Doctor himself who lodges at the fign of the Five Elements, PALL-MALL.

Yon can't conceive how all parties were comforted with this advertisement. My uncle bless'd his stars; my aunt was in raptures; the bully began again to hold up his head; the beau complain'd of nothing now but a cruel pimple on his face, which he cover'd with a patch he took out of a little box conceal'd in the head of his cane, and John the coachman had orders to drive home. As we return'd, Mr. QUERY confefs'd to me that he was really very much frighten'd, and that he always believ'd in God, and was firmly perfuaded of the truth of the Christian religion; but, faid he, I denied my opinion, fir, because you know it has of late been unfashionable.

My uncle, the bully, the beau, and Mr. QUERY clubb'd, and made a confiderable purchase of those Pills; by means of which, or fome other means, we have as yet been free from the Earthquake. But there is another circumftance which is more melancholy, and gives me much more uneafiness than any earthquakes whatever could poffibly do; that is, our being returned to the fame ftate of wickedness,