7

my former acquaintance, who knew not but vanities would be as agreeable to me now as ever; and, at thefe times, I cried to the Lord, in fecret, for wisdom and ftrength; for I felt myfelf encompaffed with difficulties, and had fresh occafion to bewail the follies of time paft, in contracting a familiarity with libertine people: and, as I had now left my father's houfe outwardly, I found my heavenly Father to be merciful to me beyond what I can exprefs.

By day I was much amongst people, and had many trials to go through; but, in the evenings, I was moftly alone, and may with thankfulness acknowledge, that, in thofe times, the spirit of fupplication was often poured upon me; under which I was frequently exercised, and felt my strength renewed.

In a few months after I came here, my master bought several Scotchmen, fervants, from on-board a vessel, and brought them to MountHolly to fell; one of which was taken fick, and died.

In the latter part of his fickness, he, being delirious, used to curfe and fwear moft for-t rowfully; and, the next night after his burial, I was left to fleep alone in the fame chamber where he died; I perceived in me a timorousness; I knew, however, I had not injured the man, but affifted in taking care of him according to my capacity; and was not free to ask any one, on that occafion, to fleep with me: nature was feeble; but every trial was a fresh

7

a fresh incitement to give myself up wholly to the service of God, for I found no helper like him in times of troublet

To After a while, my former acquaintance gave over expecting me as one of their company and I began to be known to fome whofe convierfation was helpful to me and now, as I had experienced the love of God, through Jefus Chrift, to redeem me from many pol lutions, and to be a fuccour to me through a fea of conflicts, with which no perfon was fully acquainted, and as my heart was often enlarged in this heavenly principle, I felt a tender compaffion for the youth, who remained entangled in fnares, like thofe which had entangled me from one time to another this love and tenderness increased ; and my mind was more strongly engaged for the good \of my fellow-creatures. I went to meetings in an awful frame of mind, and endeavoured to be inwardly acquainted with the language of the true Shepherd; and, one day, being under a strong exercife of fpirit, I ftood up, and faid fome words in a meeting; but, not keep ing close to the divine opening, I faid more thun was required of me; and being foon fen fible of my error, I was afflicted in mind fome weeks, without any light or comforty even toothat degree that I could not take fatisfaci tion in any thing: I remembered God, and was troubled, and, in the depth of my dif tress, he had pity upon me, and fent the Comforter: I then felt forgiveness for my of fence, and my mind became calm and quiet,

*

being truly thankful to my gracious Redeemer for his mercies; and, after this, feeling the spring of divine love opened, and a concern to fpeak, daid a few words in a meeting, in which found peace; this, I believe, was about fix weeks from the firft time: and, as I was thus humbled and dif ciplined under the cross, my underfranding became more strengthened to distinguish the pure fpirit which inwardly moves upon the heart, and taught me to wait in filence fome times many weeks together, until I felt that rife which prepares the creature,

1

From an inward purifying, and stedfaft abiding under it, fprings a lively operative defire for the good of others: all the faithful are not called to the public miniftry ; but whoever are, are called to minifter of that which they have tafted and handled spiritue ally. The outward modes of worship are vas rious; but, wherever any are true minifters: of Jesus Christ, it is from the operation of his fpirit: upon their hearts, firft purifying them, and thus giving them a juft fenfe of the conditions of others. u kunlar 17 i

This truth was early fixednin my mindi and I was taught to watch the pure opening, and to take heed, left, while I was standing to fpeak, my own will should get uppermoft, and cause me to utter words from worldly wisdom, and depart from the channel of the true gospel ministry.

In the management of my outwards affairs, I may fay, with thankfulness, I found truth

to

to be my support; and I was refpected in my mafter's family, who came to live in MountHolly within two years after my going there.

About the twenty-third year of my age, I had many fresh and heavenly openings, in respect to the care and providence of the Almighty over his creatures in general, and over man as the most noble amongst those which are vifible. And being clearly convinced in my judgement, that to place my whole truft in God was beft for me, I felt renewed engagements, that in all things I might act on an inward principle of virtue, and purfue worldly business no farther, than as truth opened my way therein.

1

About the time called Christmas, I obferved many people from the country, and dwellers in town, who, reforting to public-houses, spent their time in drinking and vain fports, tending to corrupt one another; on which account I was much troubled. At one houfej in particular, there was much disorder; and I believed it was a duty incumbent on me to go and speak to the mafter of that houfe. Iconfidered I was young, and that several elderly friends in town had opportunity to see these things; but though I would gladly have been excused, yet I could not feel I could not feel my mind clear.

The exercise was heavy: and as I was reading what the Almighty faid to Ezekiel, refpecting his duty as a watchman, the matter was fet home more clearly; and then, with prayers and tears, I befought the Lord for his affiftance, who, in loving-kindness, gave

mé

me a refigned heart: then, at a fuitàble opportunity, I went to the public-houfe; and, feeing the man amongst much company, I went to him, and told him, I wanted to speak with him; fo we went afide, and there, in the fear of the Almighty, I expreffed to him what refted on my mind; which he took kindly, and afterward fhewed more regard to me than before. In a few years afterwards he died, middle-aged; and I often thought that, had I neglected my duty in that cafe, it would have given me great trouble; and I was humbly thankful to my gracious Father, who had fupported me here

in.

My employer, having a negro-woman, fold her, and defired me to write a bill of fale, the man being waiting who bought her: the thing was fudden; and, though the thoughts of writing an inftrument of flavery for one of my fellow-creatures felt uneafy, yet I remembered I was hired by the year, that it was my mafter who directed me to do it, and that it was an elderly man, a member of our fociety, who bought her; fo, through weaknefs, I gave way, and wrote; but, at the executing it, I was fo afflicted in my mind, that I said, before my mafter and the friend, that I believed slave-keeping to be a practice inconfiftent with the Chriftian religion: this in fome degree abated my uneafinefs; yet, as often as I reflected seriously upon it, I thought I should have been clearer, if I had defired to have been excufed from it, as a thing against C

my