sense know to be the certain sign of virtue, and fools take to be an encouragement to vice. Tom Varnish, a young gentleman of the MiddleTemple, by the bounty of a good father who was so obliging as to die, and leave him, in his twenty-fourth year, besides a good estate, a large sum, which lay in the hands of Mr. Balance, had by this means an intimacy at his house; and being one of those hard students who read plays for improvement in the law, took his rules of life from thence. Upon mature deliberation, he conceived it very proper, that he, as a man of wit and pleasure of the town, should have an intrigue with his merchant's wife. He no sooner thought of this adventure, but he began it by an amorous epistle to the lady, and a faithful promise to wait upon her, at a certain hour the next evening, when he knew her husband was to be absent. The letter was no sooner received, but it was communicated to the husband, and produced no other effect in him, than that he joined with his wife to raise all the mirth they could out of this fantastical piece of gallantry. They were so little concerned at this dangerous man of mode, that they plotted ways to perplex him without hurting him. Varnish comes ex actly at his hour; and the lady's well-acted confusion at his entrance, gave him opportunity to repeat some couplets very fit for the occasion with very much grace and spirit. His theatrical manner of making love was interrupted by an alarm of the husband's coming; and the wife in a personated terror, beseeched him, if he had any value for the honour of a woman that loved him, he would jump out of the window. He did so, and fell upon feather beds placed on purpose to receive him. It is not to be conceived how great the joy of an amorous man is, when he has suffered for his mistress, and is never the worse for it. Varnish the next day wrote a most elegant billet, wherein he said all that imagination could form upon the occasion. He violently protested, going out of the window was no way terrible, but as it was going from her; with several other kind expressions, which procured him a second assignation. Upon his second visit, he was conveyed by a faithful maid into her bed-chamber, and left there. to expect the arrival of her mistress. But the wench, according to her instructions, ran in again to him, and locked the door after her to keep out her master. She had just time enough to convey the lover into a chest before she admitted the husband and his wife into the room. You may be sure that trunk was absolutely necessary to be opened; but upon her husband's ordering it, she assured him, she had taken all the care imaginable in packing up the things with her own hands, and he might send the trunk abroad as soon as he thought fit. The easy husband believed his wife, and the good couple went to bed; Varnish having the happiness to pass the night in his mistress's bedchamber without molestation. The morning arose, but our lover was not well situated to observe her blushes; so that all we know of his sentiments on this occasion, is, that he heard Balance ask for the key, and say, he would himself go with this chest, and have it opened before the captain of the ship, for the greater safety of so valuable a lading. The goods were hoisted away, and Mr. Balance, marching by his chest with great care and diligence, omitted nothing that might give his passenger perplexity. But to consummate all, he delivered the chest, with strict charge, in case they were in danger of being taken, to 'throw it overboard, for there were letters in it, the matter of which might be of great service to the enemy. N. B. It is not thought advise able to proceed farther in this account, Mr. Varnish being just returned. from his travels, and willing to conceal the occasion of his first applying himself to the languages. Sheer-lane, February 20. I HAVE been earnestly solicited for a farther term, for wearing the fardingal by several of the fairsex, but more especially by the following petitioners: The humble Petition of Deborah Hark, Sarah Threadpaper, and Rachel Thimble, spinsters, and single women, commonly called waiting-maids, in behalf of themselves and their sisterhood. SHEWETH, "THAT your worship has been pleased to or"der and command, that no person or persons shall 66 presume to were quilted petticoats, on forfeiture of "the said petticoats, or penalty of wearing ruffs, after "the 17th instant now expired. "That your petitioners have time out of mind been "entitled to wear their ladies cloaths, or to sell the "same. "That the sale of the said cloaths is spoiled by your "worship's said prohibition. "Your petitioners therefore most humbly pray, that your worship would please to allow, that all gentle"women's gentlewomen may be allowed to wear the "said dress, or to repair the loss of such a perquisite "in such manner as your worship shall think fit. "And your petitioners, &c." I do allow the allegations of this petition to be just; and forbid all persons but the petitioners, or those who shall purchase from them, to wear the said garment after the date hereof. No. CXXXVII. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23. Ter centum tonat ore Deos, erebumque, chaosque, VIRG. Sheer-lane, February 22. DICK REPTILE and I sat this evening later than the rest of the club: and as some men are better company when only with one friend, others when there is a larger number, I found Dick to be of the former kind. He was bewailing to me in very just terms, the offences which he frequently met with in the abuse of speech: some use ten times more words than they need, some put in words quite foreign to their purpose, and others adorn their discourses with oaths and blasphemies by way of tropes and figures. What my good friend started, dwelt upon me after I came home this evening, and led me into an enquiry with myself, whence should arise such strange excres-cencies in discourse? Whereas it must be obvious to all reasonable beings, that the sooner a man speaks his mind, the more complaisant he is to the man with whom he talks: but upon mature deliberation, I am come to this resolution, that for one man who speaks to be understood, there are ten who talk only to be admired. The ancient Greeks had little independent syllables called expletives, which they brought into their discourses both in verse and prose, for no other purpose but for the better grace and sound of their sentences and periods. I know no example but this which can authorize the use of more words than are necessary. But whether it be from this freedom taken by that wise nation, or however it arises, Dick Reptile hit. upon a very just and common cause of offence in the generality of the people of all orders. We have one here in our lane who speaks nothing without quoting an authority; for it is always with him, so and so, as the man said. He asked me this morning, how I did, as the man said; and hoped I would come now and then to see him, as the man said. I am acquainted with another, who never delivers himself upon any subject, but he cries, he only speaks his poor judgment, this is his humble opinion; as for his part, if he might presume to offer any thing on that subject. But of all the persons who add elegancies and superfluities to their discourses, those who deserve the foremost rank are the swearers: and the lump of these may, I think, be very aptly divided into the common distinction of high and low. Dullness and barrenness of thought is the original of it in both these sects, and they differ only in constitution: the low is generally a phlegmatic, and the high a choleric coxcomb. The man of phlegm is sensible of the emptiness of his discourse, and will tell you, that I' fackins, such a thing is true: or if you warm him a little, he may run into passion, and cry, Odsbodikins, you do not say right. But the high affects a sublimity in dulness, and invokes hell and damnation at the breaking of a glass, or the slowness of a drawer. I was the other day trudging along Fleet-street on foot, and an old army-friend came up with me. We were both going towards Westminster, and finding the streets were so crowded that we could not keep together, we resolved to club for a coach. This gentleman I knew to be the first of the order of the choleric. I must confess (were there no crime in it) nothing could be more diverting than the impertinence of the high juror: for whether there is remedy or not against what offends him, still he is to shew he is offended, and he must sure not omit to be magnificently passionate, by falling on all things in his way. were stopped by a train of coaches at Temple Bar. What the devil! (says my companion) cannot you drive on, coachman? D....n you all, for a set of sons We |