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almost naked has been since practised | faithful, and honest, may, at the same time, (where indeed it should have been begun) have wit, humour, mirth, good breeding, very successfully at Bartholomew fair. * and gallantry. While he exerts these lat
It is not to be here omitted, that in one ter qualities, twenty occasions might be inof the above-mentioned female composi- vented to show he is master of the other tions, the Rover is very frequently sent on noble virtues. Such characters would smite the same errand; as I take it, above once and reprove the heart of a man of sense, every act. This is not wholly unnatural; when he is given up to his pleasures. He for, they say, the men authors draw them- would see he has been mistaken all this selves in their chief characters, and the while, and be convinced that a sound conwomen writers may be allowed the same stitution and an innocent mind, are the true liberty. Thus, as the male wit gives his ingredients for becoming and enjoying life. hero a great fortune, the female gives her All men of true taste would call a man of heroine a good gallant at the end of the wit, who should turn his ambition this way, play. But, indeed, there is hardly a play a friend and benefactor to his country; but one can go to, but the hero or fine gentle- I am at a loss what name they would give man of it struts off upon the same account, him, who makes use of his capacity for and leaves us to consider what good office he contrary purposes. has put us to, or to employ ourselves as we please. To be plain, a man who frequents plays would have a very respectful notion No. 52.7 Monday, Anril 30. 1711. of himself, were he to recollect how often he has been used as a pimp to ravishing Omnes ut tecum meritis pro talibus annos
Exigat, et pulchra faciat te prole parentem. tyrants, or successful rakes. When the
Virg. n. i. 78. actors make their exit on this good occa
To crown thy worth, she shall be ever thine, sion, the ladies are sure to have an examin And make thee father of a beauteous line. ing glance from the pit, to see how they relish what passes; and a few lewd fools are
AN ingenious correspondent, like a very ready to employ their talents upon the sprightly wife, will always have the last composure or freedom of their looks. Such word. I did not think my last letter to the incidents as these make some ladies wholly deformed fraternity would have occasioned absent themselves from the playhouse; and
any answer, especially since I had proothers never miss the first day of a play,
mised them so sudden a visit; but as they lest it should prove too luscious to admit
think they cannot show too great a veneratheir going with any countenance to it on
tion for my person, they have already sent the second.
me up an answer. As to the proposal of a If men of wit, who think fit to write for
marriage between myself and the matchthe stage, instead of this pitiful way of giv
less Hecatissa, I have but one objection to ing delight, would turn their thoughts upon
it; which is, that all the society will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be
by vice and luxury, they would not only where she may have so much choice? 1 please, but befriend us at the same time. I am
time am the more alarmed at this, because the If a man had a mind to be new in his way lady seems particularly smitten with men of writing, might not he who is represented of their make. as a fine gentleman, though he betrays the
vethel I believe I shall set iny heart upon her; honour and bed of his neighbour and friend, and think never the worse of my mistress and lies with half the women in the play for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he and is at last rewarded with her of the best I thought, against her; it does but the more character in it; I say, upon giving the co
recommend her to me. At the same time medy another cast, might not such a one
I cannot but discover that his malice is divert the audience quite as well, if at the
stolen from Martial: catastrophe he were found out for a traitor, "Tacta places, audita places, si non videare, and met with contempt accordingly? There
Tota places; neutro, si videare, places.' is seldom a person devoted to above one
Whilst in the dark on thy soft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Syren in thy tongue, darling vice at a time, so that there is room What flames, what darts, what anguish, I endur'd! enough to catch at men's hearts to their But when the candle enter'd, I was cur'd.' good and advantage, if the poets will at Your letter to us we have received, as tempt it with the honesty which becomes a signal mark of your favour and brotherly their character.
affection. We shall be heartily glad to see There is no man who loves his bottle or your short face in Oxford: and since the his mistress, in a manner so very aban- wisdom of our legislature has been immordoned, as not to be capable of relishing an talized in your speculations, and our persoagreeable character, that is in no way a mal deformities in some sort by you recorded slave to either of those pursuits. A man to all posterity; we hold ourselves in gratithat is temperate, generous, valiant, chaste, tude bound to receive, with the highest re
spect, all such persons as for their extraor* The appearance of Lady Mary, a rope-dancer at Bartholomew fair, gave occasion to this proper animad
at dinary merit you shall think fit, from timę version.
| to time, to recommend unto the board. Ag
for the Pictish damse., we have an easy face betwixt them; and this my worthy chair prepared at the upper end of the predecessor, Mr. Sergeant Chin, always table; which we doubt not but she will maintained to be no more than the true grace with a very hideous aspect, and oval proportion between man and wife, much better become the seat in the native But as this may be a new thing to you, who and unaffected uncomeliness of her person, have hitherto had no expectations from than with all the superficial airs of the women, I shall allow you what time you pencil, which (as you have very ingeniously think fit to consider on it; not without some observed) vanish with a breath, and the hope of seeing at last your thoughts heremost innocent adorer may deface the shrine upon subjoined to mine, and which is an with a salutation, and in the literal sense of honour much desired by, sir, your assured our poets, snatch and imprint his balmy friend, and most humble servant, kisses, and devour her melting lips. In
HUGH GOBLIN, Præses.' short, the only faces of the Pictish kind that will endure the weather, must be of
41 The following letter has not much in it, Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, |
but as it is written in my own praise, I canhas cost him a world the painting; but not from my heart suppress it. then he boasts with Zeuxes, in æternitatem "SIR,You proposed in your Spectator pingo; and oft jocosely tells the fair ones, of last Tuesday, Mr. Hobbs's hypothesis would they acquire colours that would stand for solving that very odd phænomenon of kissing, they must no longer paint, but drink laughter. You have made the hypothesis for a complexion: a maxim that in this our valuable by espousing it yourself; for had age has been pursued with no ill success; and it continued Mr. Hobbs's, nobody would has been as admirable in its effects, as the have minded it. Now here this perplexed famous cosmetic mentioned in the Postman, case arises. A certain company laughed and invented by the renowned British Hip- very heartily upon the reading of that very pocrates of the pestle and mortar; making paper of yours; and the truth of it is, he The party, after a due course, rosy, hale, must be a man of more than ordinary and airy; and the best and most approved constancy that could stand out against so receipt now extant, for the fever of the much comedy, and not do as we did. Now spirits. But to return to our female candi- there are few men in the world so far lost date, who, I understand is returned to her to all good sense, as to look upon you to be self, and will no longer hang out false a man in a state of folly “inferior to himcolours; as she is the first of her sex that self.”—Pray then how do you justify your has done us so great an honour, she will hypothesis of laughter? certainly in a very short time, both in prose Your most humble,
Q. R.' and verse, be a lady of the most celebrated
"Thursday, the 26th of the month of fools. deformity now living, and meet with many
SIR, In answer to your letter, I must admirers here as frightful as herself. But
desire you to recollect yourself; and you being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am will find, that when you did me the honour apt to imagine she has some further design to be so merry over my paper, you laughed than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps at the idiot, the German courtier, the gaper. has more mind to the Spectator than any the merr
In any the merry-andrew, the haberdasher, the of his fraternity, as the person of all the biter. the butt. and not at world she could like for a paramour. And
"Your humble servant, if so, really I cannot but applaud her choice,
"THE SPECTAT OR.' and should be glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of such different extremes, as the only possible expedient to No. 53.] Tuesday, May 1, 1711. mend the breed, and rectify the physiog-|
Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus, nomy of the family on both sides. And again, as she is a lady of a very fluent elo Homer himself hath been observ'd to nod. cution, you need not fear that your first
Roscommon. child will be born dumb, which otherwise
| My correspondents grow so numerous, you might have reason to be apprehensive that I cannot avoid frequently inserting of. To be plain with you, I can see no- I their applications to me. thing shocking in it; for though she has not a face like a john-apple, yet as a late friend | MR. SPECTATOR, ---- I am glad I can in of mine, who at sixty-five ventured on a form you, that your endeavours to adorn lass of fifteen, very frequently in the re- that sex, which is the fairest part of the maining five years of his life gave me to visible creation, are well received, and like understand, that as old as he then seemed, to prove not unsuccessful. The triumph when they were first married he and his of Daphne over her sister Lætitia has spouse could make but fourscore; so may been the subject of conversation at several madam Hecatissa very justly allege here-tea-tables where I have been present; and after, that as long-visaged as she may then I have observed the fair circle not a little be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. pleased to find you considering them as Spectator and she had but half an ell of reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to
rs Poet. ver. 359.
banisa t iat Mahometan custom, which had the rules of honour and prudence; and too much prevailed even in this island, of have thought it an observation not ill-made, treating women as if they had no souls, that where that was wholly denied, the I must do them the justice to say, that there women lost their wit, and the men their seems to be nothing wanting to the finish- good manners. It is, sure, from those iming of these lovely pieces of human nature, proper liberties you mentioned, that a sort besides the turning and applying their am- of undistinguishing people shall banish bition properly, and the keeping them up from their drawing-rooms the best-bred to a sense of what is their true merit. men in the world, and condemn those that Epictetus, that plain, honest philosopher, do not. Your stating this point might, I as little as he had of gallantry, appears to think, be of good use, as well as much have understood them, as well as the po- cblige, sir, your admirer and most humble lite St. Evremont, and has hit this point servant,
ANNA BELLA,' very luckily. When young women,' says
No answer to this, till Anna Bella sends he,' arrive at a certain age, they hear themselves called Mistresses, and are
a description of those she calls the bestmade to believe that their only business is
bred men in the world. to please the men; they immediately begin “MR. SPECTATOR, I am a gentleman to dress, and place all their hopes in the who for many years last past have been adorning of their persons; it is therefore,' well known to be truly splenetic, and that continues he, 'worth the while to endea- my spleen arises from having contracted so vour by all means to make them sensible
great a delicacy, by reading the best authat the honour paid to them is only upon thors, and keeping the most refined comaccount of their conducting themselves pany, that I cannot bear the least improwith virtue, modesty, and discretion.'
priety of language, or rusticity of behaviour. Now, to pursue the matter yet further, Now, sir, I have ever looked upon this as and to render your cares for the improve-l a wise distemper; but by late observations ment of the fair ones more effectual, I find, that every heavy wretch, who has nowould propose a new method, like those thing to say, excuses his dulness by comapplications which are said to convey their plaining of the spleen. Nay, I saw the virtue by sympathy; and that is, that in other day, two fellows in a tavern kitchen order to embellish the mistress, you should set up for it, call for a pint and pipes, and give a new education to the lover, and only by guzzling liquor, to each other's teach the men not to be any longer dazzled health, and by wafting smoke in each by false charms and unreal beauty. I can- other's face, pretend to throw off the not but think that if our sex knew always spleen. I appeal to you whether these how to place their esteem justly, the other dishonours are to be done to the distemper would not be so often wanting to them- of the great and the polite. I beseech you. selves in deserving it. For as the being sir, to inform these fellows that they have enamoured with a woman of sense and vir
not the spleen, because they cannot talk tue is an improvement to a man's under-without the help of a glass at their mouths, standing and morals, and the passion is or convey their meaning to each other ennobled by the object which inspires it;/ without the interposition of clouds. If you so on the other side, the appearing amiable will not do this with all speed, I assure you, to a man of a wise and elegant mind, car- for my part, I will wholly quit the disease, ries in itself no small degree of merit and and for the future be merry with the vul accomplishment. I conclude, therefore, gar. I am, sir, your humble servant. that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more vir- “SIR,—This is to let you understand that tuous. I am, sir, your most humble ser- I am a reformed Starer, and conceived a vant,
R. B.' | detestation for that practice from what you
have writ upon the subject. But as you
April 26th." have been very severe upon the behaviour SIR,-Yours of Saturday last I read, of us men at divine service, I hope you will not without some resentment; but I will not be so apparently partial to the women, suppose, when you say you expect an in-as to let them go wholly unobserved. If undation of ribånds and brocades, and to they do every thing that is possible to atsee many new vanities which the women tract our eyes, are we more culpable than will fall into upon a peace with France, they, for looking at them? I happened last that you intend only the unthinking part Sunday to be shut into a pew, which was of our sex; and what methods can reduce full of young ladies in the bloom of youth them to reason is hard to imagine.
and beauty. When the service began, I But, sir, there are others yet, that had not room to kneel at the confession, your instructions might be of great use to, but as I stood kept my eyes from wander who, after their best endeavours, are some-ing as well as I was able, till one of the times at a loss to acquit themselves to a cen- young ladies, who is a Peeper, resolved to sorious world. I am far from thinking you bring down my looks and fix my devotion can altogether disapprove of conversation on herself. You are to know, sir, that a between ladies and gentlemen, regulated by Peeper works with her hands, eyes, and R.
fan; one of which is continually in motion, l "Given at our court i Vinegar-yard, while she thinks she is not actually the ad-story the third from the earth, April 28, miration of some ogler or starer in the con- | 1711.' gregation. As I stood utterly at a loss how to behave myself, surrounded as I was, this Peeper so placed herself as to be
No. 54.] Wednesday, May 2, 1711. kneeling just before me. She displayed the most beautiful bosom imaginable, which
Strenua nos exercet inertia.
Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. xi. 28. heaved and fell with some fervour, while a Laborious idleness our powers employs. delicate well-shaped arm held a fan over! The following letter being the first that her face. It was not in nature to command
I have received from the learned university one's eyes from this object. I could not
of Cambridge, I could not but do myself avoid taking notice also of her fan, which had on it various figures very improper to
the honour of publishing it. It gives an acbehold on that occasion. There lay in the
count of a new sect of philosophers which body of the piece a Venus under a purple
has arose in that famous residence of learn canopy furled with curious wreaths of dra
Peing; and is, perhaps, the only sect this age pery, half naked, attended with a train of
is likely to produce. Cupids, who were busy in fanning her as
Cambridge, April 26. she slept. Behind her was drawn a satyr MR. SPECTATOR,Believing you to be peeping over the silken fence, and threat- an universal encourager of liberal arts and ening to break through it. I frequently sciences, and glad of any information from offered to turn my sight another way, but the learned world, I thought an account of was still detained by the fascination of the a sect of philosophers, very frequent among Peeper's eyes, who had long practised a us, but not taken notice of as far as I can skill in them, to recal the parting glances remember, by any writers, either ancient of her beholders. You see my complaint, or modern, would not be unacceptable to and I hope you will take these mischievous you. The philosophers of this sect are people, the Peepers, into your considera- in the language of our university called tion. I doubt not but you will think a Loungers. I am of opinion, that, as in many Peeper as much more pernicious than a other things, so likewise in this, the anStarer, as an ambuscade is more to be fear- cients have been defective; viz: in mened than an open assault. I am, Sir, your tioning no philosophers of this sort. Some most obedient servant.'
indeed will affirm that they are a kind of This Peeper using both fan and eyes, to
Peripatetics, because we see them conti be considered as a Pict, and proceed ac
nually walking about. But I would have cordingly.
these gentlemen consider, that though the
| ancient Peripatetics walked much, yet they 6 KING LATINUS to the SPECTATOR, wrote much also; witness, to the sorrow of greeting
this sect, Aristotle and others; whereas it Though some may think we descend is notorious that most of our professors from our imperial dignity, in holding cor never lay out a farthing either in pen, ink, respondence with a private literato; yet as or paper. Others are for deriving them we have great respect to all good inten- from Diogenes, because several of the leadtions for our service, we do not esteem it ing men of the sect have a great deal of beneath us to return you our royal thanks cynical humour in them, and delight much for what you have published in our behalf, in sunshine. But then, again, Diogenes was while under confinement in the enchanted content to have his constant habitation in a castle of the Savoy, and for your mention of narrow tub, whilst our philosophers are so a subsidy for a prince in misfortune. This far from being of his opinion, that it is your timely zeal has inclined the hearts of death to them to be confined within the divers to be aiding unto us, if we could limits of a good handsome convenient champropose the means. We have taken their ber but for half an hour. Others there are good-will into consideration, and have con- who from the clearness of their heads detrived a method which will be easy to duce the pedigree of loungers from that those who shall give the aid, and not unac- great man (I think it was either Plato or ceptable to us who receive it. A concert Socrates) who, after all his study and of music shall be prepared at Haberdash-learning, professed, that all he then knew er's-hall, for Wednesday, the second of was, that he knew nothing. You easily see May, and we will honour the said entertain- this is but a shallow argument, and may ment with our own presence, where each | be soon confuted. person shall be assessed but at two shil- I have with great pains and industry lings and sixpence. What we expect from made my observation from time to time you is, that you publish these our royal in- upon these sages; and having now all matentions, with injunction that they be read terials ready, am compiling a treatise, at all tea-tables within the cities of London wherein I shall set forth the rise and proanil Westminster; and so we bid you gress of this famous sect, together with heartily farewell..
| their maxims, austerities, manner of living, LATINUS, King of the Volscians. 1 &c. Having prevailed with a friend who designs shortly to publish a new edition of only the present instant, and do not taste Diogenes Laertius, to add this treatise of even that. When one of this order hap mine by way of supplement; I shall now, (pens to be a man of fortune, the expense to let the world see what may be expected of his time is transferred to his coach and from me (first begging Mr. Spectator's horses, and his life is to be measured by leave that the world may see it) briefly their motion, not his own enjoyments oi touch upon some of my chief observations, sufferings. The chief entertainment one and then subscribe myself your humble of these philosophers can possibly propose servant. In the first place I shall give you to himself, is to get a relish of dress. This, two or three of their maxims: the funda-methinks, might diversify the person he is mental one, upon which their whole system weary of (his own dear self) to himself. I is built, is this, viz. "That time being an have known these two amusements make implacable enemy to, and destroyer of all one of these philosophers make a very things, ought to be paid in his own coin, tolerable figure in the world; with variety and be destroyed and murdered without of dresses in public assemblies in town, mercy, by all the ways that can be invent- and quick motion of his horses out of it; ed.' Another favourite saying of theirs is, now to Bath, now to Tunbridge, then to
That business was only designed for Newmarket, and then to London, he has knaves, and study for blockheads.' A in process of time brought it to pass, that third seems to be a ludicrous one, but has his coach and his horses have been mena great effect upon their lives; and is this, tioned in all those places. When the loun«That the devil is at home.' Now for their gers leave an academic life, and instead of manner of living: and here I have a large this more elegant way of appearing in the field to expatiate in; but I shall reserve polite world, retire to the seats of their anparticulars for my intended discourse, and cestors, they usually join a pack of dogs, now only mention one or two of their and employ their days in defending their principal exercises. The elder proficients poultry from foxes; I do not know any employ themselves in inspecting mores ho- other method that any of this order have minum multorum, in getting acquainted ever taken to make a noise in the world; with all the signs and windows in the town. but I shall enquire into such about this Some are arrived to so great a knowledge, town as have arrived at the dignity of being that they can tell every time any butcher loungers by the force of natural parts, kills a calf, every time an old woman's cat without having ever seen a university; and is in the straw; and a thousand other mat- send my correspondent for the embellishters as important. One ancient philosopher ment of his book, the names and history contemplates two or three hours every day of those who pass their lives without any over a sun-dial; and is true to the dial, incidents at all; and how they shift coffee" As the dial to the sun,
houses and chocolate-houses from hour to Although it be not shone upon.”
hour, to get over the insupportable labour Our younger students are content to carry
of doing nothing.
R. their speculations as yet no farther than bowling-greens, billiard-tables, and such like places. This may serve for a sketch No. 55.] Thursday, May 3, 1711. of my design; in which I hope I shall have your encouragement. I am, Sir, yours.' 1Nascuntur Domini
Pers. Sat. v. 120
| Our passions play the tyrant in our breasts. I must be so just as to observe I have for
Most of the trades, professions, and merly seen of this sect at our other university; though not distinguished by the ap- lo
ways of living among mankind, take their pellation which the learned historian, my
ap-original either from the love of pleasure or correspondent, reports they bear at Cam
The former, when it bridge. They were ever looked upon as a
becomes too violent, degenerates into luxu
ry, and the latter into avarice. As these people that impaired themselves more by their strict application to the rules of their
two principles of action draw different
ways, Persius has given us a very humourorder, than any other students whatever.
ous account of a young fellow who was Others seldom hurt themselves any further
roused out of his bed in order to be sent than to gain weak eyes, and sometimes headaches; but these philosophers are
upon a long voyage, by Avarice, and afterseized all over with a general inability, in
wards overpersuaded and kept at home dolence, and weariness, and a certain impa-l of these
hiyo by Luxury. ` I shall set down the pleadings
han upda of these two imaginary persons, as they are tience of the place they are in, with a hea
as in the original, with Mr. Dryden's transviness in removing to another
llation of them: The loungers are satisfied with being merely part of the number of mankind, Mane, piger, stertis : surge, inquit Avaritia; eja
Surge. Negas, instat, surge, inquit. Non queo. Surge. without "listinguishing themselves from
Et quid agam? Rogitas ? saperdas advehe ponto, amongst them. They may be said rather Castoreum, stuppas, ebenum, thus, lubrica Coa. to suffer their time to pass than to spend it,
Tolle recens primus piper e sitiente camelo.
Verte aliquid; jura. Sed Jupiter audiet. Eheu! without regard to the past, or prospect of
Baro, regustatum digito terebrare salinum the future. All they know of this life is! Contentus perages, si vivere cum Jove tendia.
Intus et in jecore ægro