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have wit, humour, mirth, good breeding,
and gallantry. While he exerts these lat-
ter qualities, twenty occasions might be in-

noble virtues. Such characters would smite
and reprove the heart of a man of sense,
when he is given up to his pleasures. He
would see he has been mistaken all this
while, and be convinced that a sound con-
stitution and an innocent mind, are the true
ingredients for becoming and enjoying life.
All men of true taste would call a man of
wit, who should turn his ambition this way,
a friend and benefactor to his country; but
I am at a loss what name they would give
him, who makes use of his capacity_for
contrary purposes.
R.

almost naked has been since practised | faithful, and honest, may, at the same time, (where indeed it should have been begun) very successfully at Bartholomew fair. * It is not to be here omitted, that in one of the above-mentioned female composi-vented to show he is master of the other tions, the Rover is very frequently sent on the same errand; as I take it, above once every act. This is not wholly unnatural; for, they say, the men authors draw themselves in their chief characters, and the women writers may be allowed the same liberty. Thus, as the male wit gives his hero a great fortune, the female gives her heroine a good gallant at the end of the play. But, indeed, there is hardly a play one can go to, but the hero or fine gentleman of it struts off upon the same account, and leaves us to consider what good office he has put us to, or to employ ourselves as we please. To be plain, a man who frequents plays would have a very respectful notion No. 52.] Monday, April 30, 1711. of himself, were he to recollect how often he has been used as a pimp to ravishing tyrants, or successful rakes. When the actors make their exit on this good occasion, the ladies are sure to have an examining glance from the pit, to see how they relish what passes; and a few lewd fools are very ready to employ their talents upon the composure or freedom of their looks. Such incidents as these make some ladies wholly absent themselves from the playhouse; and others never miss the first day of a play, lest it should prove too luscious to admit their going with any countenance to it on

the second.

Omnes ut tecum meritis pro talibus annos
Exigat, et pulchra faciat te prole parentem.

Virg. Æn. i. 78.
To crown thy worth, she shall be ever thine,
And make thee father of a beauteous line.

it; which is, that all the society will expect to be acquainted with her; and who can be sure of keeping a woman's heart long, where she may have so much choice? I am the more alarmed at this, because the lady seems particularly smitten with men of their make.

AN ingenious correspondent, like a sprightly wife, will always have the last word. I did not think my last letter to the deformed fraternity would have occasioned any answer, especially since I had promised them so sudden a visit; but as they think they cannot show too great a veneration for my person, they have already sent me up an answer. As to the proposal of a If men of wit, who think fit to write for marriage between myself and the matchthe stage, instead of this pitiful way of giv-less Hecatissa, I have but one objection to ing delight, would turn their thoughts upon raising it from such good natural impulses as are in the audience, but are choaked up by vice and luxury, they would not only please, but befriend us at the same time. If a man had a mind to be new in his way of writing, might not he who is represented as a fine gentleman, though he betrays the honour and bed of his neighbour and friend, and lies with half the women in the play, and is at last rewarded with her of the best character in it; I say, upon giving the co-recommend her to me. medy another cast, might not such a one divert the audience quite as well, if at the catastrophe he were found out for a traitor, and met with contempt accordingly? There is seldom a person devoted to above one darling vice at a time, so that there is room enough to catch at men's hearts to their good and advantage, if the poets will attempt it with the honesty which becomes

their character.

I believe I shall set my heart upon her; and think never the worse of my mistress for an epigram a smart fellow writ, as he thought, against her; it does but the more At the same time I cannot but discover that his malice is stolen from Martial:

'Tacta places, audita places, si non videare,
Tota places; neutro, si videare, places.'
'Whilst in the dark on thy soft hand I hung,
And heard the tempting Syren in thy tongue,
What flames, what darts, what anguish, I endur'd!
But when the candle enter'd, I was cur'd.'

• Your letter to us we have received, as a signal mark of your favour and brotherly affection. We shall be heartily glad to see There is no man who loves his bottle or your short face in Oxford: and since the his mistress, in a manner so very aban- wisdom of our legislature has been immordoned, as not to be capable of relishing an talized in your speculations, and our persoagreeable character, that is in no way anal deformities in some sort by you recorded slave to either of those pursuits. A man that is temperate, generous, valiant, chaste,

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to all posterity; we hold ourselves in gratitude bound to receive, with the highest respect, all such persons as for their extraordinary merit you shall think fit, from time to time, to recommend unto the board. As

'HUGH GOBLIN, Præses.'

The following letter has not much in it, but as it is written in my own praise, I cannot from my heart suppress it.

for the Pictish damse., we have an easy | face betwixt them; and this my worthy chair prepared at the upper end of the predecessor, Mr. Sergeant Chin, always table; which we doubt not but she will maintained to be no more than the true grace with a very hideous aspect, and oval proportion between man and wife. much better become the seat in the native But as this may be a new thing to you, who and unaffected uncomeliness of her person, have hitherto had no expectations from than with all the superficial airs of the women, I shall allow you what time you pencil, which (as you have very ingeniously think fit to consider on it; not without some observed) vanish with a breath, and the hope of seeing at last your thoughts heremost innocent adorer may deface the shrine upon subjoined to mine, and which is an with a salutation, and in the literal sense of honour much desired by, sir, your assured our poets, snatch and imprint his balmy friend, and most humble servant, kisses, and devour her melting lips. In short, the only faces of the Pictish kind that will endure the weather, must be of Dr. Carbuncle's die; though his, in truth, has cost him a world the painting; but then he boasts with Zeuxes, in æternitatem pingo; and oft jocosely tells the fair ones, would they acquire colours that would stand kissing, they must no longer paint, but drink | for a complexion: a maxim that in this our age has been pursued with no ill success; and has been as admirable in its effects, as the famous cosmetic mentioned in the Postman, and invented by the renowned British Hippocrates of the pestle and mortar; making the party, after a due course, rosy, hale, and airy; and the best and most approved receipt now extant, for the fever of the spirits. But to return to our female candidate, who, I understand is returned to herself, and will no longer hang out false colours; as she is the first of her sex that has done us so great an honour, she will certainly in a very short time, both in prose and verse, be a lady of the most celebrated deformity now living, and meet with many admirers here as frightful as herself. But being a long-headed gentlewoman, I am apt to imagine she has some further design than you have yet penetrated; and perhaps has more mind to the Spectator than any of his fraternity, as the person of all the world she could like for a paramour. And if so, really I cannot but applaud her choice, and should be glad, if it might lie in my power, to effect an amicable accommodation betwixt two faces of such different extremes, as the only possible expedient to No. 53.] Tuesday, May 1, 1711.

mend the breed, and rectify the physiognomy of the family on both sides, And again, as she is a lady of a very fluent elocution, you need not fear that your first child will be born dumb, which otherwise you might have reason to be apprehensive of. To be plain with you, I can see nothing shocking in it; for though she has not a face like a john-apple, yet as a late friend of mine, who at sixty-five ventured on a lass of fifteen, very frequently in the remaining five years of his life gave me to understand, that as old as he then seemed, when they were first married he and his spouse could make but fourscore; so may madam Hecatissa very justly allege hereafter, that as long-visaged as she may then be thought, upon their wedding-day Mr. Spectator and she had but half an ell of

'SIR,-You proposed in your Spectator of last Tuesday, Mr. Hobbs's hypothesis for solving that very odd phænomenon of laughter. You have made the hypothesis valuable by espousing it yourself; for had it continued Mr. Hobbs's, nobody would have minded it. Now here this perplexed case arises. A certain company laughed very heartily upon the reading of that very paper of yours; and the truth of it is, he must be a man of more than ordinary constancy that could stand out against so much comedy, and not do as we did. Now there are few men in the world so far lost to all good sense, as to look upon you to be a man in a state of folly "inferior to himself."-Pray then how do you justify your hypothesis of laughter?

Your most humble,

Q. R.'

'Thursday, the 26th of the month of fools.
'SIR,In answer to your letter, I must
desire you to recollect yourself; and you
will find, that when you did me the honour
to be so merry over my paper, you laughed
at the idiot, the German courtier, the gaper,
the merry-andrew, the haberdasher, the
biter, the butt, and not at

R.

• Your humble servant,
"THE SPECTATOR.'

-Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus,
Hor. Ars Poet. ver. 359.
Homer himself hath been observ'd to nod.

Roscommon.

My correspondents grow so numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inserting their applications to me.

'MR. SPECTATOR,-I am glad I can in form you, that your endeavours to adorn that sex, which is the fairest part of the visible creation, are well received, and like to prove not unsuccessful. The triumph of Daphne over her sister Lætitia has been the subject of conversation at several tea-tables where I have been present; and I have observed the fair circle not a little pleased to find you considering them as reasonable creatures, and endeavouring to

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banisa t at Mahometan custom, which had too much prevailed even in this island, of treating women as if they had no souls. I must do them the justice to say, that there seems to be nothing wanting to the finishing of these lovely pieces of human nature, besides the turning and applying their ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a sense of what is their true merit. Epictetus, that plain, honest philosopher, as little as he had of gallantry, appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St. Evremont, and has hit this point very luckily. When young women,' says he, arrive at a certain age, they hear themselves called Mistresses, and are made to believe that their only business is to please the men; they immediately begin to dress, and place all their hopes in the adorning of their persons; it is therefore,' continues he, worth the while to endeavour by all means to make them sensible that the honour paid to them is only upon account of their conducting themselves with virtue, modesty, and discretion."

6

Now, to pursue the matter yet further, and to render your cares for the improvement of the fair ones more effectual, I would propose a new method, like those applications which are said to convey their virtue by sympathy; and that is, that in order to embellish the mistress, you should give a new education to the lover, and teach the men not to be any longer dazzled by false charms and unreal beauty. I cannot but think that if our sex knew always how to place their esteem justly, the other would not be so often wanting to themselves in deserving it. For as the being enamoured with a woman of sense and virtue is an improvement to a man's understanding and morals, and the passion is ennobled by the object which inspires it; so on the other side, the appearing amiable to a man of a wise and elegant mind, carries in itself no small degree of merit and accomplishment. I conclude, therefore, that one way to make the women yet more agreeable is, to make the men more virtuous. I am, sir, your most humble servant, R. B.'

'April 26th. 'SIR,-Yours of Saturday fast I read, not without some resentment; but I will suppose, when you say you expect an inundation of ribands and brocades, and to see many new vanities which the women will fall into upon a peace with France, that you intend only the unthinking part of our sex; and what methods can reduce them to reason is hard to imagine.

But, sir, there are others yet, that your instructions might be of great use to, who, after their best endeavours, are sometimes at a loss to acquit themselves to a censorious world. I am far from thinking you can altogether disapprove of conversation between ladies and gentlemen, regulated by

the rules of honour and prudence; and have thought it an observation not ill-made, that where that was wholly denied, the women lost their wit, and the men their good manners. It is, sure, from those improper liberties you mentioned, that a sort of undistinguishing people shall banish from their drawing-rooms the best-bred men in the world, and condemn those that do not. Your stating this point might, I think, be of good use, as well as much cblige, sir, your admirer and most humble servant, ANNA BELLA,'

No answer to this, till Anna Bella sends bred men in the world. a description of those she calls the best

'MR. SPECTATOR,I am a gentleman who for many years last past have been well known to be truly splenetic, and that my spleen arises from having contracted so great a delicacy, by reading the best authors, and keeping the most refined company, that I cannot bear the least impropriety of language, or rusticity of behaviour. Now, sir, I have ever looked upon this as a wise distemper; but by late observations find, that every heavy wretch, who has nothing to say, excuses his dulness by complaining of the spleen. Nay, I saw the other day, two fellows in a tavern kitchen set up for it, call for a pint and pipes, and only by guzzling liquor, to each other's health, and by wafting smoke in each other's face, pretend to throw off the spleen. I appeal to you whether these dishonours are to be done to the distemper of the great and the polite. I beseech you, sir, to inform these fellows that they have not the spleen, because they cannot talk without the help of a glass at their mouths, or convey their meaning to each other without the interposition of clouds. If you will not do this with all speed, I assure you, for my part, I will wholly quit the disease, and for the future be merry with the vul gar. I am, sir, your humble servant.

'SIR, This is to let you understand that I am a reformed Starer, and conceived a detestation for that practice from what you have writ upon the subject. But as you have been very severe upon the behaviour of us men at divine service, I hope you will not be so apparently partial to the women, as to let them go wholly unobserved. If they do every thing that is possible to attract our eyes, are we more culpable than they, for looking at them? I happened last Sunday to be shut into a pew, which was full of young ladies in the bloom of youth and beauty. When the service began, I had not room to kneel at the confession, but as I stood kept my eyes from wander ing as well as I was able, till one of the young ladies, who is a Peeper, resolved to bring down my looks and fix my devotion on herself. You are to know, sir, that a Peeper works with her hands, eyes, and

fan; one of which is continually in motion,

"Given at our court Vinegar-yard, while she thinks she is not actually the ad-story the third from the earth, April 28, miration of some ogler or starer in the con- 1711.' gregation. As I stood utterly at a loss how to behave myself, surrounded as I was,

-Strenua nos exercet inertia.

R.

this Peeper so placed herself as to be No. 54.] Wednesday, May 2, 1711.
kneeling just before me. She displayed the
most beautiful bosom imaginable, which
heaved and fell with some fervour, while a
delicate well-shaped arm held a fan over
her face. It was not in nature to command
one's eyes from this object. I could not
avoid taking notice also of her fan, which
had on it various figures very improper to
behold on that occasion. There lay in the
body of the piece a Venus under a purple
canopy furled with curious wreaths of dra-
pery, half naked, attended with a train of
Cupids, who were busy in fanning her as
she slept. Behind her was drawn a satyr
peeping over the silken fence, and threat-
ening to break through it. I frequently
offered to turn my sight another way, but
was still detained by the fascination of the
Peeper's eyes, who had long practised a
skill in them, to recal the parting glances
of her beholders. You see my complaint,
and I hope you will take these mischievous
people, the Peepers, into your considera-
tion. I doubt not but you will think a
Peeper as much more pernicious than a
Starer, as an ambuscade is more to be fear-
ed than an open assault. I am, Sir, your
most obedient servant."

Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. xi. 28.
Laborious idleness our powers employs.
I have received from the learned university
THE following letter being the first that
of Cambridge, I could not but do myself
the honour of publishing it. It gives an ac-
count of a new sect of philosophers which
has arose in that famous residence of learn
ing; and is, perhaps, the only sect this age
is likely to produce.

This Peeper using both fan and eyes, to be considered as a Pict, and proceed accordingly.

"KING LATINUS to the SPECTATOR, greeting.

& Though some may think we descend from our imperial dignity, in holding correspondence with a private literato; yet as we have great respect to all good intentions for our service, we do not esteem it beneath us to return you our royal thanks for what you have published in our behalf, while under confinement in the enchanted castle of the Savoy, and for your mention of a subsidy for a prince in misfortune. This your timely zeal has inclined the hearts of divers to be aiding unto us, if we could propose the means. We have taken their good-will into consideration, and have contrived a method which will be easy to those who shall give the aid, and not unacceptable to us who receive it. A concert of music shall be prepared at Haberdasher's-hall, for Wednesday the second of May, and we will honour the said entertainment with our own presence, where each person shall be assessed but at two shillings and sixpence. What we expect from you is, that you publish these our royal intentions, with injunction that they be read at all tea-tables within the cities of London and Westminster; and so we bid you heartily farewell.

•LATINUS, King of the Volscians.

'Cambridge, April 26. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-Believing you to be an universal encourager of liberal arts and sciences, and glad of any information from the learned world, I thought an account of a sect of philosophers, very frequent among us, but not taken notice of as far as I can remember, by any writers, either ancient or modern, would not be unacceptable to you. The philosophers of this sect are in the language of our university called Loungers. I am of opinion, that, as in many other things, so likewise in this, the ancients have been defective; viz: in mentioning no philosophers of this sort. Some indeed will affirm that they are a kind of Peripatetics, because we see them conti nually walking about. But I would have these gentlemen consider, that though the ancient Peripatetics walked much, yet they wrote much also; witness, to the sorrow of this sect, Aristotle and others; whereas it is notorious that most of our professors never lay out a farthing either in pen, ink, or paper. Others are for deriving them from Diogenes, because several of the leading men of the sect have a great deal of cynical humour in them, and delight much in sunshine. But then, again, Diogenes was content to have his constant habitation in a narrow tub, whilst our philosophers are so far from being of his opinion, that it is death to them to be confined within the limits of a good handsome convenient chamber but for half an hour. Others there are who from the clearness of their heads deduce the pedigree of loungers from that great man (I think it was either Plato or Socrates) who, after all his study and learning, professed, that all he then knew was, that he knew nothing. You easily see this is but a shallow argument, and may be soon confuted.

I have with great pains and industry made my observation from time to time upon these sages; and having now all materials ready, am compiling a treatise, wherein I shall set forth the rise and progress of this famous sect, together with their maxims, austerities, manner of living, &c. Having prevailed with a friend who

designs shortly to publish a new edition of only the present instant, and do not taste Diogenes Laertius, to add this treatise of even that. When one of this order hap mine by way of supplement; I shall now, pens to be a man of fortune, the expense to let the world see what may be expected of his time is transferred to his coach and from me (first begging Mr. Spectator's horses, and his life is to be measured by leave that the world may see it) briefly their motion, not his own enjoyments of touch upon some of my chief observations, sufferings. The chief entertainment one and then subscribe myself your humble of these philosophers can possibly propose servant. In the first place I shall give you to himself, is to get a relish of dress. This, two or three of their maxims: the funda-methinks, might diversify the person he is mental one, upon which their whole system is built, is this, viz. That time being an implacable enemy to, and destroyer of all things, ought to be paid in his own coin, and be destroyed and murdered without mercy, by all the ways that can be invented.' 'Another favourite saying of theirs is, That business was only designed for knaves, and study for blockheads.' A third seems to be a ludicrous one, but has a great effect upon their lives; and is this, That the devil is at home.' Now for their manner of living: and here I have a large field to expatiate in; but I shall reserve | particulars for my intended discourse, and now only mention one or two of their principal exercises. The elder proficients employ themselves in inspecting mores hominum multorum, in getting acquainted with all the signs and windows in the town. Some are arrived to so great a knowledge, that they can tell every time any butcher kills a calf, every time an old woman's cat is in the straw; and a thousand other matters as important. One ancient philosopher contemplates two or three hours every day over a sun-dial; and is true to the dial,

As the dial to the sun,
Although it be not shone upon."

weary of (his own dear self) to himself. I
have known these two amusements make
one of these philosophers make a very
tolerable figure in the world; with variety
of dresses in public assemblies in town,
and quick motion of his horses out of it;
now to Bath, now to Tunbridge, then to
Newmarket, and then to London, he has
in process of time brought it to pass, that
his coach and his horses have been men-
tioned in all those places. When the loun-
gers leave an academic life, and instead of
this more elegant way of appearing in the
polite world, retire to the seats of their an-
cestors, they usually join a pack of dogs,
and employ their days in defending their
poultry from foxes; I do not know any
other method that any of this order have
ever taken to make a noise in the world;
but I shall enquire into such about this
town as have arrived at the dignity of being
loungers by the force of natural parts,
without having ever seen a university; and
send my correspondent for the embellish-
ment of his book, the names and history
of those who pass their lives without any
incidents at all; and how they shift coffee-
houses and chocolate-houses from hour to
hour, to get over the insupportable labour
R.
of doing nothing.

Our younger students are content to carry
their speculations as yet no farther than
bowling-greens, billiard-tables, and such
like places. This may serve for a sketch No. 55.] Thursday, May 3, 1711.
of my design; in which I hope I shall have
your encouragement. I am, Sir, yours.'

-Intus et in jecore ægro
Nascuntur Domini-

Pers. Sat. v. 120

Our passions play the tyrant in our breasts. I must be so just as to observe I have forMOST of the trades, professions, and merly seen of this sect at our other univer- ways of living among mankind, take their sity; though not distinguished by the ap-original either from the love of pleasure or pellation which the learned historian, my the fear of want. The former, when it correspondent, reports they bear at Cam- becomes too violent, degenerates into luxubridge. They were ever looked upon as a ry, and the latter into avarice. A's these people that impaired themselves more by two principles of action draw different their strict application to the rules of their order, than any other students whatever. ways, Persius has given us a very humourOthers seldom hurt themselves any further roused out of his bed in order to be sent ous account of a young fellow who was than to gain weak eyes, and sometimes upon a long voyage, by Avarice, and afterheadaches; but these philosophers are wards overpersuaded and kept at home seized all over with a general inability, in- by Luxury. I shall set down the pleadings dolence, and weariness, and a certain impa- of these two imaginary persons, as they are tience of the place they are in, with a hea- in the original, with Mr. Dryden's transviness in removing to another.

The loungers are satisfied with being merely part of the number of mankind, without distinguishing themselves from amongst them. They may be said rather to suffer their time to pass than to spend it, without regard to the past, or prospect of the future. All they know of this life is

lation of them:

Mane, piger, stertis: surge, inquit Avaritia; eja
Surge. Negas, instat, surge, inquit. Non queo. Surge.
Et quid agam ? Rogitas? saperdas advehe ponto,
Castoreum, stuppas, ebenum, thus, lubrica Coa.
Tolle recens primus piper e sitiente camelo.
Verte aliquid; jura. Sed Jupiter audiet. Eheu!
Baro, regustatum digito terebrare salinum
Contentus perages, si vivere cum Jove tendia.

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