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runs counter to that of the place wherein we live: for in love there are no doctors, and we all profess so high a passion, that we admit of no graduates in it. Our pre

course with other young fellows, these have each some piece of riband, a broken fan, or an old girdle, which they play with while they talk of the fair person remembered by each respective token. Accord-sidentship is bestowed according to the ing to the representation of the matter from my letters, the company appear like so many players rehearsing behind the scenes; one is sighing and lamenting his destiny in beseeching terms, another declaiming he will break his chain, and another, in dumb-show, striving to express his passion by his gesture. It is very ordinary in the assembly for one of a sudden to rise and make a discourse concerning his passion in general, and describe the temper of his mind in such a manner, as that the whole company shall join in the description, and feel the force of it. In this case, if any man has declared the violence of his flame in more pathetic terms, he is made president for that night, out of respect to his superior passion.

dignity of the passion; our number is un-
limited; and our statutes are like those of
the Druids, recorded in our own breasts
only, and explained by the majority of the
company. A mistress, and a poem in her
praise, will introduce any candidate. With-
cut the latter no one can be admitted; for
he that is not in love enough to rhyme, is
unqualified for our society. To speak dis-
respectfully of any woman is expulsion
from our gentle society. As we are at pre-
sent all of us gown-men, instead of duel-
ling when we are rivals, we drink together
the health of our mistress. The manner
of doing this sometimes indeed creates de-
bates; on such occasions we have recourse
to the rules of love among the ancients.
"Nævia sex cyathis, septem Justina bibatur."
Mart. Epig. i. 72.

;

We had some years ago in this town a set of people who met and dressed like lovers, and were distinguished by the name of the Fringe-glove club; but they were persons of such moderate intellects, even before they were impaired by their passion, that their irregularities could not furnish sufficient variety of folly to afford daily new impertinences; by which means that institution dropped. These fellows could express their passion in nothing but their dress; but the Oxonians are fantastical now they are lovers, in proportion to their learning and understanding before they became such. The thoughts of the ancient poets on this agreeable frenzy are translated in honour of some modern beauty; and Chloris is won to-day by the same compliment that was made to Lesbia a thousand years ago. But as far as I can learn, the patron of the club is the renowned Don Quixote. The adventures of that gentle knight are frequently mentioned in the society under the colour of laughing at the passion and themselves: but at the same time, though they are sensible of the extravagancies of that unhappy warrior, they do not observe, that to turn all the reading of the best and wisest writings into rhapsodies of love, is a frenzy no less diverting than that of the aforesaid accomplished Spaniard. A gentleman who, I No. 31.] Thursday, April 5, 1711. hope, will continue his correspondence, is ately admitted into the fraternity, and sent me the following letter:

"Six cups to Nævia, to Justina seven." her name, occasioned the other night a disThis method of a glass to every letter of who is in love with Mrs. Elizabeth Dimpute of some warmth. A young student ple, was so unreasonable as to begin her health under the name of Elizabetha which so exasperated the club, that by common consent we retrenched it to Betty. We look upon a man as no company that does not sigh five times in a quarter of an hour; and look upon a member as very absurd, that is so much himself as to make a whole assembly is made up of absent men, direct answer to a question. In fine, the that is, of such persons as have lost their locality, and whose minds and bodies never keep company with one another. As I am an unfortunate member of this distracted

'SIR---Since I find you take notice of clubs, I beg leave to give you an account of one in Oxford, which you have no where mentioned, and perhaps never heard of. We distinguish ourselves by the title of the Amorous Club, are all votaries of Cupid, and admirers of the fair sex. The reason that we are so little known in the world, is the secrecy which we are obliged to live under in the university. Our constitution

society, you cannot expect a very regular account of it; for which reason I hope you will pardon me that I so abruptly subscribe myself, Sir, your most obedient humble

servant,

T. L.

'I forgot to tell you, that Albina, who has six votaries in this club, is one of your R. readers.'

Sit mihi fas audita loqui

Virg. n. vi. 266. What I have heard, permit me to relate. LAST night, upon my going into a coffeehouse not far from the Haymarket theatre, I diverted myself for above half an hour with overhearing the discourse of one, who, by the shabbiness of his dress, the extravagance of his conceptions, and the hurry of his speech, I discovered to be of that species who are generally distinguished by the title of Projectors. This gentleman, for I found he was treated as such by his audience, was entertaining a whole table

elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, representing Alexander the Great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is desired to call by the name of Bucephalus. Upon the close of this great decisive battle, when the two kings are thoroughly reconciled, to show the mutual friendship and good correspond

of listeners with the project of an opera, which he told us had not cost him above two or three mornings in the contrivance, and which he was ready to put in execution, provided he might find his account in it. He said that he had observed the great trouble and inconvenience which ladies were at, in travelling up and down to the several shows that are exhibited in differ-ence that reigns between them, they both ent quarters of the town. The dancing monkeys are in one place; the puppetshow in another; the opera in a third; not to mention the lions, that are almost a whole day's journey from the politer part of the town. By this means people of figure are forced to lose half the winter, after their coming to town, before they have seen all the strange sights about it. In order to remedy this great inconvenience, our projector drew out of his pocket the scheme of an opera, entitled 'The Expedition of Alexander the Great;' in which he had disposed all the remarkable shows about town, among the scenes and decorations of his piece. The thought, he confessed, was not originally his own, but that he had taken the hint of it from several performances which he had seen upon our stage: in one of which there was a rareeshow; in another a ladder-dance; and in others a posture-man, a moving picture, with many curiosities of the like nature.

of them go together to a puppet-show, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of displaying his whole art of machinery, for the diversion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, that a puppet-show was not a suitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might be introduced more properly, if we suppose the conqueror touched upon that part of India which is said to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the proposal immediately overruled. Our projector further added, that after the reconciliation of these two kings, they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his guest with the German artist, Mr. Pinkethman's heathen gods, or any of the like diversions, which shall then chance to be in vogue.

This project was received with very great applause by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had This Expedition of Alexander opens not yet communicated to us above half his with his consulting the oracle at Delphos, design; for that Alexander being a Greek, in which the dumb conjuror, who has been it was his intention that the whole opera visited by so many persons of quality of should be acted in that language, which late years, is to be introduced as telling his was a tongue he was sure would wonderfortune. At the same time Clinch of Bar- fully please the ladies, especially when it net is represented in another corner of the was a little raised and rounded by the Ionic temple, as ringing the bells of Delphos, for dialect; and could not but be acceptable joy of his arrival. The tent of Darius is to to the whole audience, because there are be peopled by the ingenious Mrs. Salmon, fewer of them who understand Greek than where Alexander is to fall in love with a Italian. The only difficulty that remainpiece of wax-work that represents the ed was how to get performers, unless we beautiful Statira. When Alexander comes could persuade some gentlemen of the uniinto that country, in which Quintus Cur-versities to learn to sing, in order to qualify tius tells us the dogs were so exceeding themselves for the stage; but this objection fierce, that they would not loose their soon vanished, when the projector informhold, though they were cut to pieces limbed us that the Greeks were at present the by limb, and that they would hang upon their prey by their teeth when they had nothing but a mouth left, there is to be a scene of Hockley-in-the-Hole, in which is to be represented all the diversions of that place, the bull-baiting only excepted, which cannot possibly be exhibited in the theatre, by reason of the lowness of the roof. The several woods in Asia, which Alexander must be supposed to pass through, will give the audience a sight of monkeys dancing upon ropes, with many other pleasantries of that ludicrous species. At the same time, if there chance to be any strange animals in town, whether birds or beasts, they may be either let loose among the woods, or driven across the stage by some of the country people of Asia. In the last great battle, Pinkethman is to personate King Porus upon an

only musicians in the Turkish empire, and that it would be very easy for our factory at Smyrna to furnish us every year with a colony of musicians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; besides, says he, if we want any single voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn to speak Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a fort night's time.

The projector having thus settled matters to the good-liking of all chat heard him, he left his seat at the table, and planted himself before the fire, where I had unluckily taken my stand for the con venience of overhearing what he said. Whether he had observed me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned short upon me on a sudden, and catching me by a button of

tion.

No. 32.]

Friday, April 6, 1711.

C.

دو

my coat, attacked me very abruptly after | world his sincere desire to be a member, the following manner. Besides, Sir, I have with a recommendatory description of his heard of a very extraordinary genius for phiz; and though our constitution has made music that lives in Switzerland, who has so no particular provision for short faces, yet strong a spring in his fingers, that he can his being an extraordinary case, I believe make the board of an organ sound like a we shall find a hole for him to creep in at; drum, and if I could but procure a sub- for I assure you he is not against the canon; scription of about ten thousand pounds and if his sides are as compact as his joles, every winter, I would undertake to fetch he need not disguise himself to make one of him over, and oblige him by articles to set us. I presently called for the paper, to every thing that should be sung upon the see how you looked in print; and after we English stage.' After this he looked full in had regaled ourselves awhile upon the pleamy face, expecting I would make an an- sant image of our proselyte, Mr. President swer, when, by good luck, a gentleman told me I should be his stranger at the next that had entered the coffee-house since the night's club; where we were no sooner projector applied himself to me, hearing come, and pipes brought, but Mr. Presi him talk of his Swiss compositions, cried dent began a harangue upon your introduc out in a kind of laugh, 'Is our music then tion to my epistle, setting forth with no less to receive further improvements from Swit- volubility of speech, than strength of rea zerland!' This alarmed the projector, who son, "That a speculation of this nature was immediately let go my button, and turned what had been long and much wanted; and about to answer him. I took the opportunity that he doubted not but it would be of inof the diversion which seemed to be made estimable value to the public, in reconciling in favour of me, and laying down my penny even of bodies and souls; in composing and upon the bar, retired with some precipita- quieting the minds of men under all corporal redundancies, deficiencies, and irregularities whatsoever; and making every one sit down content in his own carcass, though it were not perhaps so mathematically put together as he could wish." And again, "How that for want of a due consideration of what you first advance, viz. That our faces are not of our own choosing, THE late discourse concerning the sta- people had been transported beyond all tutes of the Ugly club, having been so well good breeding, and hurried themselves into received at Oxford, that contrary to the unaccountable and fatal extravagancies; as strict rules of the society, they have been been censured and calumniated, nay, and how many impartial looking-glasses had so partial as to take my own testimonial, sometimes shivered into ten thousand splinand admit me into that select body; I could sometimes shivered into ten thousand splinters, only for a fair representation of the not restrain the vanity of publishing to the ters, only for a fair representation of the truth? How many head-strings and garters world the honour which is done me. It is no small satisfaction that I have given ochad been made accessary, and actually forcasion for the President's showing both his feited, only because folks must needs quarinvention and reading to such advantage as continues he, "but is deeply sensible, that rel with their own shadows? And who,” my correspondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very misery of human life, especially amongst one great source of the uneasiness and proper hums and pauses in his harangue, those of distinction, arises from nothing in which lose their ugliness in the narration, the world else, but too severe a contemplaand which my correspondent (begging his tion of an indefeasible contexture of our expardon) has no very good talent at repre- ternal parts, or certain natural and invincisenting. I very much approve of the con- ble dispositions to be fat or lean? when a tempt the society has of beauty. Nothing little more of Mr. Spectator's philosophy ought to be laudable in a man, in which his would take off all this. In the mean time will is not concerned; therefore our society let them observe, that there is not one of can follow nature, and where she has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do so too, and be merry upon the oc

Nil illi larva aut tragicis opus esse cothurnis.
Hor. Lib. 1. Sat. v. 64.
He wants no tragic vizor to increase
His natural deformity of face.

casion.

'MR. SPECTATOR,-Your making public the late trouble I gave you, you will find to have been the occasion of this. Who should I meet at the coffee-house door the other night, but my old friend Mr. President! I saw somewhat had pleased him; and as soon as he had cast his eye upon me, "Oho, doctor, rare news from London," says he; "the Spectator has made honourable mention of the club (man,) and published to the

their grievances of this sort, but perhaps, in some ages of the world, has been highly in vogue, and may be so again; nay, in some country or other, ten to one, is so at this day. My Lady Ample is the most miserable woman in the world, purely of her own making. She even grudges herself meat and drink, for fear she should thrive by them; and is constantly crying out, “In a quarter of a year more I shall be quite out of all manner of shape!" Now the lady's misfortune seems to be only this, that she is planted in a wrong soil; for go but to the other side of the water, it is a jest at Haer

your own certificate, it was every body's
business to speak for themselves." Mr.
President immediately retorted, "A hand-
some fellow! why he is a wit, Sir, and you
know the proverb:" and to ease the old
gentleman of his scruples, cried,
"That
for matter of merit it was all one, you might
wear a mask." This threw him into a
pause, and he looked desirous of three days
to consider on it; but Mr. President im-
proved the thought, and followed him up
with an old story, "That wits were privi-
leged to wear what masks they pleased in
all ages; and that a vizard had been the
constant crown of their labours, which was
generally presented them by the hand of
some satyr, and sometimes of Apollo him-
self:" for the truth of which he appealed to
the frontispiece of several books, and par-
ticularly to the English Juvenal, to which
he referred him; and only added, "That
such authors were the Larvati, or Larva
donati of the ancients."
This cleared up
all, and in the conclusion you were chose
probationer; and Mr. President put round
your health as such, protesting, "That
though indeed he talked of a vizard, he did
not believe all the while you had any more
occasion for it than the cat-a-mountain;” so
that all you have to do now is to pay your
fees, which are here very reasonable, if
you are not imposed upon; and you may
style yourself Informis Societatis Socius;
which I am desired to acquaint you with;
and upon the same I beg you to accept of
the congratulation of, Sir,

lem to talk of a shape under eighteen stone. |
These wise traders regulate their beauties
as they do their butter, by the pound; and
Miss Cross, when she first arrived in the
Low Countries, was not computed to be so
handsome as Madam Van Brisket by near
half a ton. On the other hand, there is
'Squire Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen
hundred pounds per annum, as well as of
an unblamable life and conversation; yet
would I not be the squire for half his estate;
for if it was as much more, he would freely
part with it all for a pair of legs to his
mind. Whereas in the reign of our first
Edward, of glorious memory, nothing more
modish than a brace of your fine taper sup-
porters; and his majesty, without an inch
of calf, managed affairs in peace or war as
laudably as the bravest and most politic of
his ancestors; and was as terrible to his
neighbours under the royal name of Long-
shanks, as Cœur de Lion to the Saracens
before him. If we look further back into
history, we shall find that Alexander the
Great wore his head a little over the
left shoulder, and then not a soul stirred
out till he had adjusted his neck-bone; the
whole nobility addressed the prince and
each other obliquely, and all matters of im-
portance were concerted and carried on in
the Macedonian court, with their polls on
one side. For about the first century, no-
thing made more noise in the world than
Roman noses, and then not a word of them
till they revived again in eighty-eight.*
Nor is it so very long since Richard the
Third set up half the backs of the nation;
and high shoulders, as well as high noses,
were the top of the fashion. But to come
to ourselves, gentlemen, though I find by
my quinquennial observations, that we shall
never get ladies enough to make a party in No. 33.]
our own country, yet might we meet with
better success among some of our allies.
And what think you if our board sat for a
Dutch piece? Truly I am of opinion, that
as odd as we appear in flesh and blood, we
should be no such strange things in mezzo-
tinto. But this project may rest till our
number is complete; and this being our
election night, give me leave to propose
Mr. Spectator. You see his inclinations,
and perhaps we may not have his fellow."
'I found most of them (as is usual in all
such cases) were prepared; but one of the
seniors (whom by the by Mr. President had
taken all this pains to bring over) sat still,
and cocking his chin, which seemed only
to be levelled at his nose, very gravely de-
clared, "That in case he had had sufficient
knowledge of you, no man should have been
more willing to have served you; but that
he, for his part, had always had regard to
his own conscience, as well as other peo-
ple's merit; and he did not know but that
you might be a handsome fellow; for as for

* Dryden in his plates to his translation of Virgil, caused Æneas to be represented with a Roman nose, in

compliment to King William III

Your obliged humble servant,
Oxford, March 21.'
A. C'

R.

Saturday, April 7, 1711,

Fervidus tecum puer, et solutis
Gratie zonis, properenique nymphæ
Et parum comis sine te juventas,
Mercuriusque.

Hor. Lib. 1. Od. xxx. 5

The graces with their zones unloos'd;
The nymphs their beauties all expos'd;

Creech

From every spring, and every plain; Thy pow'rful, hot, and winged boy; And youth, that's dull without thy joy; And Mercury compose thy train. A FRIEND of mine has two daughters, whom I will call Lætitia and Daphne; the former is one of the greatest beauties of the age in which she lives, the latter no way remarkable for any charms in her person. Upon this one circumstance of their outward form, the good and ill of their life seems to turn. Lætitia has not, from her very childhood, heard any thing else but commendations of her features and complexion, by which means she is no other than nature made her, a very beautiful outside. The consciousness of her charms has rendered her insupportably vain and inso lent towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty before one civil thing had been said to her, found herself obliged to acquire some accomplish

[graphic]

which reason I shall recommend the following extract out of a friend's letter to the professed beauties, who are a people almost

'Monsieur St. Evremond has concluded one of his essays with affirming, that the last sighs of a handsome woman are not so much for the loss of her life, as of her beauty. Perhaps this raillery is pursued too far, yet it is turned upon a very obvious remark, that woman's strongest passion is for her own beauty, and that she values it as her favourite distinction. From hence it is that all arts, which pretend to improve or preserve it, meet with so general a reception among the sex. To say nothing of many false helps and contraband wares of beauty, which are daily vended in this great mart, there is not a maiden gentlewoman of a good family, in any county of South Britain, who has not heard of the virtues of May-dew, or is unfurnished with some receipt or other in favour of her complexion; and I have known a physician of learning and sense, after eight years study in the university, and a course of travels into most countries of Europe, owe the first raising of his fortune to a cosmetic wash.

This has given me occasion to consider how so universal a disposition in womankind, which springs from a laudable motive, the desire of pleasing, and proceeds upon an opinion, not altogether groundless, that nature may be helped by art, may be turned to their advantage. And, methinks, it would be an acceptable service to take them out of the hands of quacks and pretenders, and to prevent their imposing upon themselves, by discovering to them the true secret and art of improving beauty.

ments to make up for the want of those attractions which she saw in her sister. Poor Daphne was seldom submitted to in a debate wherein she was concerned; her dis-as unsufferable as the professed wits. course had nothing to recommend it but the good sense of it, and she was always under a necessity to have very well considered what she was to say before she uttered it; while Lætitia was listened to with partiality, and approbation sat in the countenances of those she conversed with, before she communicated what she had to say. These causes have produced suitable effects, and Lætitia is as insipid a companion as Daphne is an agreeable one. Lætitia, confident of favour, has studied no arts to please; Daphne, despairing of any inclination towards her person, has depended wholly on her merit. Lætitia has always something in her air that is sullen, grave, and disconsolate. Daphne has a countenance that appears cheerful, open, and unconcerned. A young gentleman saw Lætitia this winter at a play, and became her captive. His fortune was such, that he wanted very little introduction to speak his sentiments to her father. The lover was admitted with the utmost freedom into the family, where a constrained behaviour, severe looks, and distant civilities, were the highest favours he could obtain of Lætitia; while Daphne used him with the good humour, familiarity, and innocence of a sister: insomuch that he would often say to her, 'Dear Daphne, wert thou but as handsome as Lætitia. She received such language with that ingenuous and pleasing mirth, which is natural to a woman without design. He still sighed in vain for Lætitia, but found certain relief in the agreeable conversation of Daphne. At length, heartily tired with the haughty impertinence of Lætitia, and charmed with the repeated instances of good-humour he had observed in Daphne, he one day told the latter, that he had something to say to her he hoped she would be pleased with-Faith, Daphne,' continued he, 'I am in love with thee, and despise thy sister sincerely.' The manner of his declaring himself, gave his mistress occasion for a very hearty laughter. 'Nay,' says he, 'I knew you would laugh at me, but I will ask your father.' He did so; the father received his intelligence with no less joy than surprise, and was very glad he had now no care left but for his beauty, "From these few principles, thus laid which he thought he could carry to market down, it will be easy to prove, that the true at his leisure, I do not know any thing that art of assisting beauty consists in embellishhas pleased me so much a great while, as ing the whole person by the proper ornathis conquest of my friend Daphne's. All ments of virtuous and commendable qualiher acquaintance congratulate her upon her ties. By this help alone it is, that those chance-medley, and laugh at that premedi- who are the favourite work of nature, or, tating murderer her sister. As it is an as Mr. Dryden expresses it, the porcelain argument of a light mind, to think the clay of human kind, become animated, and worse of ourselves for the imperfections of are in a capacity of exerting their charms; our persons, it is equally below us to value and those who seem to have been neglectourselves upon the advantages of them.ed by her, like models wrought in haste, The female world seem to be almost incor- are capable in a great measure of finishing rigibly gone astray in this particular; for what she has left imperfect.

In order to do this, before I touch upon it directly, it will be necessary to lay down a few preliminary maxims, viz.

"That no woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more than she can be witty only by the help of speech.

"That pride destroys all symmetry and grace, and affectation is a more terrible enemy to fine faces than the small-pox.

That no woman is capable of being beautiful, who is not incapable of being false.

And, That what would be odious in a friend, is deformity in a mistress.

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