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Oxford, and that by virtue of it you were 'WHO confess their faults. What hopes admitted into it, what a learned war will then have we of having justice done us, there be among future critics about the when the makers of our very prayers and original of that club, which both universi-laws, and the most learned in all faculties, ties will contend so warmly for? And per- seem to be in a confederacy against us, haps some hardy Cantabrigian author may and our enemies themselves must be our then boldly affirm, that the word Oxford | judges. was an interpolation of some Oxonian in- The Spanish proverb says, El sabio stead of Cambridge. This affair will be muda consejo, el necio no; i. e. 56 A wise best adjusted in your life-time; but I hope man changes his mind, a fool never will.' your affection to your mother will not make So that we think you, sir, a very proper you partial to your aunt.
person to address to, since we know you to To tell you, sir, my own opinion: though be capable of being convinced, and chang- . I cannot find any ancient records of any ing your judgment. You are well able to acts of the society of the Ugly Faces, con- settle this affair, and to you we submit our sidered in a public capacity; yet, in a cause. We desire you to assign the butts private one, they have certainly antiquity and bounds of each of us; and that for the on their side. I am persuaded they will future we may both enjoy our own. We hardly give place to the Loungers, and the would desire to be heard by our counsel, Loungers are of the same standing with the but that we fear in their very pleadings university itself.
they would betray our cause: besides, we • Though we well know, sir, you want no have been oppressed so many years, that motives to do justice, yet I am commission- we can appear no other way but in forma ed to tell you, that you are invited to be ad- pauperis. All which considered, we hope mitted ad eundem at Cambridge; and I you will be pleased to do that which to believe I may venture safely to deliver this right and justice shall appertain. And your as the wish of our whole university.' petitioners,' &c.
R. To Mr. Spectator. * The humble Petition of WHO and No. 79.] Thursday, May 31, 1711. WHICH, showeth,
Oderunt peccare boni virtutis amore. That your petitioners being in a forlorn
Hor. Lib. 1. Ep. xvi. 52. and destitute condition, know not to whom The good, for virtue's sake, abhor to sin.--Creech. we should apply ourselves for relief, be
1 I HAVE received very many letters of late cause there is hardly any man alive who hath not injured us. Nay, we speak it with
from my female correspondents, most of sorrow, even you yourself, whom we
whom are very angry with me for abridgshould suspect of such a practice the last 1115
ing their pleasures, and looking severely of all mankind, can hardly acquit yourself
upon things in themselves indifferent. But of having given us some cause of com
"I think they are extremely unjust to me in plaint. We are descended of ancient fa
this imputation. All I contend for is, that milies, and kept up our dignity and honour
those excellencies, which are to be regarded many years, till the jack-sprat THAT sup
but in the second place, should not precede planted us. How often have we found our
more weighty considerations. The heart of selves slighted by the clergy in their pul
man deceives him in spite of the lectures of pits, and the lawyers at the bar? Nay, how
half a life spent in discourses on the subjecoften have we heard, in one of the most
tion of passion; and I do not know why one polite and august assemblies in the uni
may not think the heart of woman as un
faithful to itself. If we grant an equality in verse, to our great mortification, these words, “That THAT that noble lord urged;'
the faculties of both sexes, the minds of which if one of us had had justice done,
women are less cultivated with precepts, would have sounded nobler thus, That
and consequently may, without disrespect WHICH that noble lord urged.' Senators
to them, be accounted more liable to illuthemselves, the guardians of British liber
sion, in cases wherein natural inclination is ty, have degraded us, and preferred THAT
out of the interests of virtue. I shall take to us; and yet no decree was ever given
up my present time in commenting upon a against us. . In the very acts of parlia
billet or two which came from ladies, and ment, in which the utmost right should
from thence leave the reader to judge when be done to every body, word, and thing,
ther I am in the right or not, in thinking it we find ourselves often either not used, or
Sy is possible fine women may be mistaken. used one instead of another. In the first
| The following address seems to have ne and best prayer children are taught, they
other design in it, but to tell me the writer learn to misuse us: Our Father which art
will do what she pleases for all me. in heaven,' should be Our Father, who “MR. SPECTATOR, I am young, and art in, heaven;' and even a Convocation, very much inclined to follow the paths of after long debates, refused to consent to an innocence; but at the same time, as I have alteration of it. In our General Confession a plentiful fortune, and am of quality, I am we say, "Spare thou them, O God, WHICH unwilling to resign the pleasures of distincconfess their faults,' which ought to be tion, some little satisfaction in being ad
mired in general, and much greater in being many, must be your chief care; for upon the beloved by a gentleman whom I design to propriety of such writings depends a great make my husband. But I have a mind to deal. I have known those among us who put off entering into matrimony till another think, if they every morning and evening winter is over my head, which (whatever, spend an hour in their closet, and read over musty sir, you may think of the matter) I so many prayers in six or seven books of design to pass away in hearing music, going devotion, all equally nonsensical, with a to plays, visiting, and all other satisfactions sort of warmth, (that might as well be which fortune and youth, protected by in- raised by a glass of wine, or a dram of citnocence and virtue, can procure for, sir, ron,) they may all the rest of their time go your most humble servant, M. T. on in whatever their particular passion
My lover does not know I like him, leads them to. The beauteous Philautia, therefore having no engagements upon me, who is (in your language) an idol, is one of I think to stay and know whether I may these votaries; she has a very pretty furnot like any one else better.'
nished closet, to which she retires at her I have heard Wiul Honeycomb say, "Aappointed hours. This is her dressing. woman seldom writes her mind but in her
er room, as well as chapel; she has constantly postscript.' I think this gentlewoman has
before her a large looking-glass; and upon sufficiently discovered her's in this. I will the table, according to a very witty author, lay what wager she pleases against her
"Together lie her prayer-book and paint, present favourite, and can tell her that she
At once t'improve the sinner and the saint.' will like ten more before she is fixed, and
•It must be a good scene, if one could be then will take the worst man she ever liked present at it, to see this idol by turns lift ud .n her life. There is no end of affection
her eyes to heaven, and steal glances at her taken in at the eyes only; and you may as
own dear person. It cannot but be a pleaswell satisfy those eyes with seeing, as con
ing conflict between vanity and humiliation. troul any passion received by them only. 1. When you are upon this subject, Choose it is from loving by sight, thať coxcombs so
books which elevate the mind above the frequently succeed with women, and very
world, and give a pleasing indifference to often a young lady is bestowed by her pa
| little things in it. For want of such instrucrents to a man who weds her as innocence
tions, I am apt to believe so many people itself, though she has, in her own heart,
take it in their heads to be sullen, cross, given her approbation of a different man in
and angry, under pretence of being abevery assembly she was in the whole year
stracted from the affairs of this life, when before. What is wanting among women as
at the same time they betray their fondness well as among men is the love of laudable
for them by doing their duty as a task, and things, and not to rest only on the forbear
pouting and reading good books for a week ance of such as are reproachful.
together. Much of this I take to proceed How far removed from a woman of this
from the indiscretion of the books themlight imagination is Eudosia! Eudosia has
selves, whose very titles of weekly preparaall the arts of life and good-breeding, with
tions, and such limited godliness, lead peo
1 so much ease, that the virtue of her con- ple
ple of ordinary capacities into great errors, duct looks more like instinct than choice.
and raise in them a mechanical religion, It is as little difficult to her to think justly
entirely distinct from morality. I know a of persons and things, as it is to a woman of
| lady so given up to this sort of devotion, different accomplishments to move ill or
that though she employs six or eight hours look awkward. That which was, at first,
of the twenty-four at cards, she never the effect of instruction, is grown into al:
misses one constant hour of prayer, for habit; and it would be as hard for Eudosia.
al which time another holds her cards, to to indulge a wrong suggestion of thought, as
s which she returns with no little anxiousit would be for Flavia, the fine dancer, to
nness till two or three in the morning. All come into a room with an unbecoming air. | these acts are but empty shows, and, as it But the misapprehensions people them
were, compliments made to virtue; the selves have of their own state of mind, is
is mind is all the while untouched with any laid down with much discerning in the fol
1.1 true pleasure in the pursuit of it. From lowing letter, which is but an extract of a nen
hence I presume it arises, that so many kind epistle from my charming mistress
people call themselves virtuous, from no Hecatissa, who is above the vanity of ex
other pretence to it but an absence of ill. ternal beauty, and is the better judge of the
There is Dulcianara, the most insolent of perfections of the mind.
all creatures to her friends and domestics,
upon no other pretence in nature, but that Mr. SPECTATOR,-I write this to ac- (as her silly phrase is) “No one can say quaint you, that very many ladies, as well black is her eye." She has no secrets, foras myself, spend many hours more than we sooth, which should make her afraid to used at the glass, for want of the female speak her mind, and therefore she is imlibrary, of which you promised us a cata- pertinently blunt to all her acquaintance, logue. I hope, sir, in the choice of authors and unseasonably imperious to all her for us, you will have a particular regard to family. Dear sir, be pleased to put such books of devotion, What they are, and how | books into our hands as may make our vir
tue more inward and convince some of us, I instances of applause. The decencies to that in a mind truly virtuous, the scorn of which women are obliged, made these virvice is always accompanied with the pity gins stifle their resentment so far as not to of it. This and other things are impatiently break into open violences, while they expected from you by our whole sex; equally suffered the torments of a regulated among the rest by, sir, your most humble anger. Their mothers, as it is usual, enservant,
: B. D' gaged in the quarrel, and supported the R.
several pretensions of their daughters with all that ill-chosen sort of expense which is
common with people of plentiful fortunes No. 80.] Friday, June 1, 1711.
and mean taste. The girls preceded their
parents like queens of May, in all the gaudy Cælum, non animum, mutant, qui trans mare currunt. |
Tlor. Lib. 1. Ep. xi. 27. colours imaginable, on every Sunday, to Those that beyond-sea go, will sadly find,
church, and were exposed to the examinaThey change their climate only, not their mind. tion of the audience for superiority of beauty,
During this constant struggle it happenIn the year 1688, and on the same day of ed, that Phillis one day at public prayers that year, were born in Cheapside, London, smote the heart of a gay West-Indian, who two females of exquisite feature and shape; appeared in all the colours which can affect the one we shall call Brunetta, the other an eye that could not distinguish between Phillis. A close intimacy between their being fine and tawdry. This American, in parents made each of them the first ac- a summer-island suit, was too shining and quaintance the other knew in the world. too gay to be resisted by Phillis, and too inThey played, dressed babies, acted visit- tent upon her charms to be diverted by ings, learned to dance, and make courtesies any of the laboured attractions of Brunetta. together. They were inseparable compa- Soon after, Brunetta had the mortification nions in all the little entertainments their to see her rival disposed of in a wealthy tender years were capable of: which inno marriage, while she was only addressed to cent happiness continued until the begin- | in a manner that showed she was the admining of their fifteenth year, wlien it hap-ration of all men, but the choice of none. pened that Phillis had a head-dress on, Phillis was carried to the habitation of her which became her so well, that instead of spouse in Barbadoes. Brunetta had the illbeing beheld any more with pleasure for nature to inquire for her by every opportutheir amity to each other, the eyes of the nity, and had the misfortune to hear of her neighbourhood were turned to remark them being attended by numerous slaves, fanned with comparison of their beauty. They into slumbers by successive bands of them, now no longer enjoyed the ease of mind and and carried from place to place in all the pleasing indolence in which they were for- pomp of barbarous magnificence. Brunetmerly happy, but all their words and ac- ta could not endure these repeated advices, tions were misinterpreted by each other, but employed all her arts and charms in and every excellence in their speech and laying baits for any of condition of the same behaviour was looked upon as an act of island, out of mere ambition to confront emulation to surpass the other. These be- her once more before she died. She at last ginnings of disinclination soon improved succeeded in her design, and was taken to into a formality of behaviour, a general wife by a gentleman whose estate was concoldness, and by natural steps into an irre- tiguous to that of her enemy's husband. It concilable hatred.
would be endless to enumerate the many These two rivals for the reputation of occasions on which these irreconcilable beauty, were in their stature, countenance, beauties laboured to excel each other; but and mien so very much alike, that if you in process of time it happened, that a ship were speaking of them in their absence, put into the island consigned to a friend of the words in which you described the one Phillis, who had directions to give her the remust give you an idea of the other. They fusal of all goods for apparel, before Brunetwere hardly distinguishable, you would ta could be alarmed of their arrival. He did think when they were apart, though ex- so, and Phillis was dressed in a few days in tremely different when together. What a brocade more gorgeous and costly than made their enmity the more entertaining to had ever before appeared in that latitude. all the rest of their sex was, that in detrac- Brunetta languished at the sight, and tion from each other, neither could fall could by no means come up to the bravery upon terms which did not hit herself as of her antagonist. She communicated her much as her adversary. Their nights grew anguish of mind to a faithful friend, who restless with meditation of new dresses to by an interest in the wife of Phillis's meroutvie each other, and inventing new de-chant, procured a remnant of the same silk vices to recal admirers, who observed the for Brunetta, Phillis took pains to appear charms of the one rather than those of the in all the public places where she was sure other, on the last meeting. Their colours to meet Brunetta; Brunetta was row prefailed at each other's appearance, flushed pared for the insult, and came to a public with pleasure at the report of a disadvan-ball in a plain black silk mantua, attended tage, and their countenances withered upon by a beautiful negro girl in a petticoat of
the same brocade with which Phillis was No. 81.] Saturday, June 2, 1711. attired. This drew the attention of the
Qualis ubi audito venantum murmure tigris whole company, upon which the unhappy
• Horruit in maculas-- Stat. Theb. ii. 128. Phillis swooned away, and was immediately
As when the tigress hears the hunter's din, conveyed to her house. As soon as she
Dark angry spots distain her glossy skin: came to herself, she fled from her husband's house, went on board a ship in the ABOUT the middle of last winter I went road; and is now landed in inconsolable to see an opera at the theatre in the Haydespair at Plymouth..
market, where I could not but take notice POSTSCRIPT.
of two parties of very fine women, that After the above melancholy narration,
had placed themselves in the opposite sideit may perhaps be a relief to the reader to
boxes, and seemed drawn up in a kind of peruse the following expostulation;
battle-array one against another. After a
short survey of them, I found they were To Mr, Spectator:
patched differently; the faces on one hand 6 The just Remonstrance of affronted being spotted on the right side of the foreTHAT,
head, and those upon the other on the left, - Though I deny not the petition of Mr. I quickly perceived that they cast hosWho and Which, yet you should not suf tile glances upon one another; and that fer them to be rude, and to call honest peo- their patches were placed in those different ple names: for that bears very hard on situations, as party-signals to distinguish some of those rules of decency which you friends from foes. In the middle-boxes, are justly famous for establishing. They between these two opposite bodies were may find fault, and correct speeches in several ladies who patched indifferently the senate, and at the bar, but let them on both sides of their faces, and seemed to try to get themselves so often and with so sit there with no other intention but to see much eloquence repeated in a sentence, the opera. Upon inquiry I found that the as a great orator doth frequently intro- body of Amazons on my right hand were duce me,
whigs, and those on my left, tories; and that , My lords, (says he) with humble sub- those who had placed themselves in the mission, That That I say is this; That That, middle-boxes were a neutral party, whose That That gentleman has advanced, is not faces had not yet declared themselves. That That he should have proved to your These last, however, as I afterwards found, lordships.' Let those two questionary pe- diminished daily, and took their party with titioners try to do thus with their Whos | one side or the other; insomuch that I oband their Whiches.
served, in several of them, the patches What great advantage was I of to Mr. / which were before dispersed equally, are Dryden, in his Indian Emperor,
now all gone over to the whig or tory side " You force me still to answer you in That;
of the face. The censorious say, that the to furnish out a rhyme to Morat? . and
men, whose hearts are aimed at, are very
often the occasions that one part of the face what a poor figure would Mr. Bayes have
is thus dishonoured, and lies under a kind made without his “ Egad and all That?”
of disgrace, while the other is so much set How can a judicious man distinguish one off.
ne off and adorned by the owner; and that the thing from another, without saying, " This
patches turn to the right or to the left, achere," or " That there?” And how can a
cording to the principles of the man who is sober man, without using the expletives of
most in favour, But whatsoever may be oaths, (in which indeed the rakes and bul
the motives of a few fantastical coquettes, lies have a great advantage over others,) | who do not patch for the public good so make a discourse of any tolerable length, without " That is;" and if he be a very
much as for their own private advantage,
it is certain that there are several women grave man indeed, without " That is to
of honour who patch out of principle, and say?” And how instructive as well as en
with an eye to the interest of their countertaining are those usual expressions in the
try.--Nay, I am informed that some of mouths of great men, “Such things as That," and «The like of That.”
them adhere so steadfastly to their party,
and are so far from sacrificing their zeal *I am not against reforming the corrup
for the public to their passion for any partions of speech you mention, and own there
ticular person, that in a late draught of are proper seasons for the introduction of
marriage-articles, a lady has stipulated with other words besides That; but I scorn 'as
corn as her husband, that whatever his opinions much to supply the place of a Who or a
are, she shall be at liberty to patch on Which at every turn, as they are unequal
which side she pleases. always to fill mine; and I expect good
I must here take notice, that Rosalinda, language and civil treatment, and hope to
a famous whig partisan, has most unforreceive it for the future: That That I shall
tunately a very beautiful mole on the tory only add is, That 'I am, yours,
part of her forehead; which being very
conspicuous, has occasioned many mis* The first. Volume of the original. Svo. and 12mo. I takes, and given a handle to her enemies editions, as publish:d by Tonson, closes with this puper.
revolted from the whig interest. But | visions, that if they continue, it will be » whatever this natural patch may seem to misfortune to be born in it. The Greeks intimate, it is well known that her notions thought it so improper for women to in of government are still the same. This terest themselves in competitions and con unlucky mole, however, has misled seve-tentions, that for this reason, among others, ral coxcombs; and like the hanging out of they forbad them under pain of death, to false colours, made some of them converse be present at the Olympic games, notwithwith Rosalinda in what they thought the standing these were the public diversions spirit of her party, when on a sudden she of all Greece, has given them an unexpectd fire, that As our English women exceed those of has 'sunk them all at once. If Rosalinda is all nations in beauty, they should endeavour unfortunate in her mole, Nigranilla is as un- to outshine them in all other accomplish-. happy in a pimple, which forces her, against ments proper to the sex, and to distinguish her inclinations, to patch on the whig side. themselves as tender mothers, and faithfu)
I am told that many virtuous matrons, wives, rather than as furious partisans, who formerly have been taught to believe Female, virtues are of 'a domestic turn. that this artificial spotting of the face was The family is the proper province for priunlawful, are now reconciled by a zeal for vate women to shine in. If they must be their cause, to what they could not be showing their zeal for the public, let it not prompted by a concern for their beauty, be against those who are perhaps of the This way of declaring war upon one an- same family, or at least of the same reother, puts me in mind of what is reported ligion or nation, but against those who of the tigress, that several spots rise in her are the open, professed, undoubted eneskin when she is angry, or as Mr, Cowley mies of their faith, liberty, and counhas imitated the verses that stand as the try. When the Romans were pressed with motto of this paper:
a foreign enemy, the ladies voluntarily ----She swells with angry pride,
contributed all their rings and jewels to And calls forth all her spots on every side.'* assist the government under a public exiWhen I was in the theatre the time gence, which appeared so laudable an acabove-mentioned, I had the curiosity to tion in the eyes of their countrymen, that count the patches on both sides, and found from thenceforth it was permitted by a law the tory patches to be about twenty strong- to pronounce public orations at the funeral er than the whig; but to make amends for of a woman, in praise of the deceased perthis small inequality, I the next morning son, which till that time was peculiar to found the whole puppet-show filled with men. Would our English ladies, instead faces spotted after the whiggish manner. of sticking on a patch against those of their Whether or no the ladies had retreated own country, show themselves so truly pubhither in order to rally their forces I cannot lic-spirited as to sacrifice every one her necktell; but the next night they came in so lace against the common enemy, what degreat a body to the opera, that they out- creesought not to be made in favour of them. numbered the enemy,
1 Since I am recollecting upon this subject This account of party-patches will, I am such passages as occur to my memory out afraid, appear improbable to those who of ancient authors, I cannot omit: a sentence live at a distance from the fashionable in the celebrated funeral oration of Periworld; but as it is a distinction of a very cles, which he made in honour of those singular nature, and what perhaps may brave Athenians that were slain in a fight never meet with a parallel, I think I should with the Lacedemonians. † After having not have discharged the office of a faithful addressed himself to the several ranks and Spectator, had not I recorded it.
orders of his countrymen, and shown them I have, in former papers, endeavoured how they should behave themselves in the to expose this party-rage in women, as it public cause, he turns to the female part only serves to aggravate the hatreds and of his audience: And as for you,' says he, animosities that reign among men, and in 'I shall advise you in very few words, a great measure deprives the fair sex of Aspire only to those virtues that are pe those peculiar charms with which nature culiar to your sex; follow your natural has endowed them.
modesty, and think it your greatest comWhen the Romans and Sabines were mendation not to be talked of one way or at war, and just upon the point of giving other.' battle, the women, who were allied to both of them, interposed with so many tears and entreaties, that they prevented the No. 82.] Monday, June 4, 1711. mutual slaughter which threatened both
---Caput domina venale sub hasta. parties, and united them together in a firm
Juv. Sat. iii. 33. and lasting peace,
His fortunes ruin'd, and himself a slave. I would recommend this noble example PASSING under Ludgatef the other day. to our British ladies, at a time when their I heard a voice bawling for charity, wnich country is torn with so many unnatural di
† Thucyd. Hist. L. II. p. 130, edit. H. Steph. 1588. folio. * Davideis, Book III. v. 47.